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The memory of a child ♥ Mrs. S ♥ Due September 20; 2 kids; Venezuela 13654 posts
3rd Jan '13

Let's say a child is picked on (sat on and hit) by an older child. It starts around 6 months of this child's life and goes on until the child is a little over 2 years old.
At 3 years old do you think it is possible that the child remembers being picked on and acts towards the aggressor whenever they see them?



I ask because my son was "picked on" by his older cousin. He would smack him, push him over, take his toys and sit on him until he screamed. Whenever they get together now my nephew starts wrestling with my son. (my nephew is 4.5, my son is almost 3) My son doesn't wrestle with anyone else, he doesn't tackle random children or anyone else we know and put them in a headlock. It's something that he only does with his cousin and only after his cousin starts with him. (My nephew grew up watching fights on tv and wrestling) Then my nephew will be done and walk away. My son doesn't understand that it is over and will walk up to his cousin and smack him or try to keep at it. My nephew will start crying and run to his mom and dad in tears and say that my son is mean and is hitting him. Then my BIL&SIL will go yell at my son and tell us that he needs to stop and b***h that our son is ALWAYS hitting theirs.
We have told our son that hitting isn't ok, I discourage it whenever I can. It's just fucked up because BIL will encourage wrestling and cheer on our nephew and expect our 2.5 year old to NOT hit when fighting back. It's freaking sick. I hate it. They watch the payperview fights all the time. If I pull them away I get told "You need to let them be boys."
I don't understand it. It pisses me off. I've watched my nephew start it so many times and my son is always blamed because my nephew cries.
I've tried never letting them in the same room or breaking it up and separating them. However, I'm not always there or able to be in the same room.
I have started to limit our contact with them. However, I can't skip holidays. So all this recently happened Christmas/New Years. I was minutes from packing up the car and taking my family home.
Do you think my son remembers how his cousin has treated him?
What else can I do?

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
3rd Jan '13

Let them wrestle and when the nephew starts in and the parents get upset, tell them boys will be boys. Let them figure it out.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44070 posts
3rd Jan '13

He's probably learned to stand up for himself to this child over te years. I don't think he's traumatized an will be aggressive with others necessarily.

P Pickle Pants 98 kids; California 20522 posts
3rd Jan '13

My son is 3 and tells me all the time about things that happened when he was a little toddler or when he was younger. He remembers his brother being in my tummy and his birth/death. He remembers visits to my friends house and family. He remembers daddy leaving for deployment and coming home...



They remember!

♥ Mrs. S ♥ Due September 20; 2 kids; Venezuela 13654 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" Let them wrestle and when the nephew starts in and the parents get upset, tell them boys will be boys. Let them figure it out."


DH just sat there and said "Boys will be boys". It just breaks my heart to see my son being screamed at for something that wasn't entirely his fault. I try never to yell at my kids,and I really don't want other people doing it.

♥ Mrs. S ♥ Due September 20; 2 kids; Venezuela 13654 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting lolajessup:" He's probably learned to stand up for himself to this child over te years. I don't think he's traumatized an will be aggressive with others necessarily."


No I don't think he is traumatized. I just think when he sees his cousin he remembers the behavior and acts accordingly.

That girl Amber +2 2 kids; California 6981 posts
3rd Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥ Mrs. S ♥:</b>" DH just sat there and said "Boys will be boys". It just breaks my heart to see my son being screamed ... [snip!] ... at for something that wasn't entirely his fault. I try never to yell at my kids,and I really don't want other people doing it. "</blockquote>



Dont let them yell at your son. I would definitely say something to your in laws. Your BIL sounds like an ass

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
3rd Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥ Mrs. S ♥:</b>" DH just sat there and said "Boys will be boys". It just breaks my heart to see my son being screamed ... [snip!] ... at for something that wasn't entirely his fault. I try never to yell at my kids,and I really don't want other people doing it. "</blockquote>



f**k that. If someone other than my DH or myself was raising out voice at our kids, for something to prevent danger like NO DON'T TOUCH THAT or STOP YOUR FEET ..... I would be livid.

*A&N's Mama* 2 kids; Halifax, Nova Scotia 4627 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting ♥ Mrs. S ♥:" DH just sat there and said "Boys will be boys". It just breaks my heart to see my son being screamed ... [snip!] ... at for something that wasn't entirely his fault. I try never to yell at my kids,and I really don't want other people doing it. "


Then you gotta have a talk with your brother.