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worrying and feeling alone Stacey Cassidy Due April 16 (boy); 2 kids; Cardiff, United Kingdom 35 posts
3rd Jan '13

just wondering if anyone else has worried right the way through their pregnancy?



i am currently 25 weeks gone and ever since i found out i was expecting, i have been constantly worrying from any little thing that happens from slight cramp to discharge to anything really. i just seem to be expecting the worst all the time. my husband has said plenty of times i should see a counsellor or someone as he says i think the worse about everything even before i got pregnant :/



i do feel this constant worry is because with my first born i was pregnant along with friends and neighbours. with my second pregnancy i had my mother-in-law and other family members pregnant with me, but this time i have moved house so i'm away from friends and old neighbours and no-one in my family is pregnant so i feel alone and don't have the comfort of others around me being pregnant and sharing our experiences as we go along.



does this make any sence? has anyone ever experienced something similar?. this pregnancy seems so so hard and emotionally exhausting.



thanks for any replies in advance :D

KRISSY- Due January 4; 17 kids; Tennessee 74 posts
3rd Jan '13

Worrying is absolutely normal.. Especially when you feel like no one else understands what you're going through. Just take deep breathes and find a hobby to keep your mind occupied.

Squeaky McGee 2 kids; 3 angel babies; Indiana 65151 posts
3rd Jan '13

I worry every, single day that I'm going to wipe and see blood, or that the doctor won't be able to detect a HB at my next appointment. I'm jaded, though.

suzyq463 1 child; Iowa 220 posts
3rd Jan '13

Sounds like you do need more support. If DH says you were anxious before, does he also say you were not with the other two pregnancies? In that case, he may be right and you could get some help that would make your life sooo much easier.



The easiest solution from his standpoint (because he wouldn't have to make any effort for it) would be if you got meds or counseling, BUT I can tell you that I have struggled with anxiety and took meds for it for 5 years straight before I quit 3 months prior to conception (we did not want a baby exposed to that in spite of ones supposedly "safe" for pregnancy). My hubby would make a lot of compromises before he would ever let me go back on meds (he never knew me w/o them before this) because I am totally a different person, and he likes me better w/o, even though I do worry a lot (I worried even on the meds, anyway).



A better solution IMHO? See if you can attend La Leche League meetings or meet moms at the library or things like that, so you can build a new network of support. Also, get DH to shoulder more responsibility w/the other kids and give you more breaks (don't know how much he does or not, but I imagine you are way more stressed this time with two other LO's). And can't you call your MIL and old friends? They would still understand your concerns even though they aren't going through it w/you this time.



All that being said, I have worried my entire pregnancy but this is my first. I was hoping subsequent ones would be better because of knowing what to expect. I've found that these forums can sometimes be helpful, but often they lead to new worries and frustrations with debates or scary stories from some. It's been much more calming for me to read pregnancy and midwife books because they cut out the drama and give you the facts.



What are you worrying about, BTW? You already have been through pregnancy and delivery and have a good idea what to expect, you already know you are a great mom... just curious what things you worry about on the third go around?

Stacey Cassidy Due April 16 (boy); 2 kids; Cardiff, United Kingdom 35 posts
3rd Jan '13

thanks ladies. i think what worries me is the last 2 family members have lost there babies one of them was around 21 weeks the other was about 33 weeks.although i fully understand they had certain problems to cause them to lose their babies but the whole thought that something could go wrong at any point scares me.i keep thinking i am going to lose my child too. also this is my first pregnancy i have had to through with a slightly p*******d uterus,so i think this factor may have a big influence on how i feel.although midwifes and doctors have said having a prolapse does not affect my body's ability to carry another pregnancy safely.i always had a problem with thinking the very worst of every situation but funny enough i can never recall feeling like this with my other 2 children. i have to be honest my husband is amazing! he lets me have a break whenever i need it and helps out a huge amount round the house,really couldn't ask for better tbh. as for groups i could never pull myself to meet new people. i have spoke to my doc about it and he says i am suffering aggoraphobia (anxiety disorder) .he did refer me for counselling but i just could not pick up the courage to go to this either. so hard to try and think of what started all my negative thoughts and anxiety,really strange how it all came outta the blue :( truthfully honest the only way i can properly communicate with people is at home through this computer lol. sad i know :(

suzyq463 1 child; Iowa 220 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting Stacey Cassidy:" thanks ladies. i think what worries me is the last 2 family members have lost there babies one of them ... [snip!] ... :( truthfully honest the only way i can properly communicate with people is at home through this computer lol. sad i know :( "

It's understandable that you would worry when you know others who have MC'ed. Although it's hard for you to meet new people in groups, I really really think you would enjoy a mom group. Take your kids to the library for story time and just SEE other moms. That way, the focus is not on YOU or meeting PEOPLE, but your kids to get to enjoy story time. And one day maybe you will meet another mom there that you can become friends with. ;-) Then you can ask her if she'd like to go to a LLL meeting with you or something, and you don't have to do that alone, either. :-D
Online chats are often helpful, but will never be able to replace having a cup of coffee (or whatever) with a person in real life. When you reach out to help someone else cope with something, it lightens your own heart and you will feel much better than if you are focused on telling someone else about your worries.



I did do counseling, but I felt too much that they were just there for a paycheck and to make a few notes to review before the next time I walked in. I had a couple that I really like and saw one for several years, but after he moved away I never found another I liked because it felt like too much work to dig up the past again. If you go for counseling, tell them you don't wanna dig up the past, you just want to address your current concerns and develop strategies for coping TODAY.
#1 Each day, write down something positive from the day. If you can focus on those positives more, the worries won't keep taking up all your thoughts. Easier said than done, I KNOW, but there are tons of strategies like this that can improve your day-to-day and you just have to find the one that really works for you.

love my boys Xs three :) Due July 29 (boy); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; keystone heights, FL, United States 582 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting Stacey Cassidy:" just wondering if anyone else has worried right the way through their pregnancy? i am currently 25 weeks ... [snip!] ... something similar?. this pregnancy seems so so hard and emotionally exhausting. thanks for any replies in advance :D"


completely! as mean as it sounds, i didn't even recognize my pregnancy until i was around 26 weeks along.. i dnd't buy anything.. didn't call him by his name.. nothing.. i only did this because my first born was stillbirth at 5 1/2 months and so i figured if i pretended as if i weren't pregnant that it wouldn't hurt if i lost him too.. i honestly wish that i'd thrown that aside and enjoyed my pregnancy because even through all the issues with being high risk, it was a beautiful time.. im pregnant with my third and back on the worry train.. =/