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Cast Your Vote:

    • I WOULD try and stick it out for the kids -- Votes: 16
    • I WOULDN'T stay together just for the kids -- Votes: 54
    • It would depend on... (comment) -- Votes: 7
Love Wedge +2 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Waterloo, Ontario 44310 posts
3rd Jan '13

Thinking objectively, no I would not.

Rain (aka Mama) 3 kids; Monroe, Georgia 6487 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:" If you need to talk I'm here for you hunny! :) You have already been through alot! Honestly this is gonna ... [snip!] ... say stick it out, but he is always with you now and always will be and you have to do what is best for his siblings ya know?"


This is going to sound weird, but I had a dream once that Seth basically told me it was okay to go. He was always so observant to how people felt. When he was here, he'd say "Mommy why are you sad? You're supposed to be happy!" (not over this particular situation, but with other things) Which is why what the other mama said about the kids sensing happiness/unhappiness resonates with me so much. Especially since Aiden's that same age now...

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" This is going to sound weird, but I had a dream once that Seth basically told me it was okay to go. ... [snip!] ... mama said about the kids sensing happiness/unhappiness resonates with me so much. Especially since Aiden's that same age now..."


I would say it is time to go then my dear. Its hard, it sucks (not going to lie to you about that part) but in the end when you are finally having that "OH my I'm free" feeling it is amazing! :)

Rain (aka Mama) 3 kids; Monroe, Georgia 6487 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting Kelly&Coralie:" The kids will learn and know who loves them and who is happy and positive. They will see the other ... [snip!] ... Over these last 3 years, you're become this awesome person who is going after what SHE wants for a change. I love you"


((hugs)) You make me feel so much better, it's ridiculous. <3

khigh 1 child; Fort Sill, Oklahoma 8101 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" This is going to sound weird, but I had a dream once that Seth basically told me it was okay to go. ... [snip!] ... mama said about the kids sensing happiness/unhappiness resonates with me so much. Especially since Aiden's that same age now..."


Honestly, what really helped was realizing that it was okay to be with someone else if that someone else made you happy. Kids pick up on that. Ex-DH and I both have new SO's and DD knows both of them (current SO has known her since she was born; he's FIL's best friend) and she is so much happier now that there isn't fighting in the house all the time.

MommaNoodle 2 kids; Pennsylvania 13115 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" For me it's more like really, really wanting to gtfo but not being sure if that's what I'm supposed ... [snip!] ... Maybe I'm just supposed to deal with it. I dunno. There's nothing physical now. But there was in the past. And thanks <3"


i don't believe in this at all. lol. no offense. i don't believe that you should just deal with it. that's not the way to live or think or act, especially not for the kids. and furthermore, i kind of feel like if you're worried about upsetting them... honestly, they will get over it much quicker, the younger they are. at least, that is what i believe. my parents divorced when i was less than 3. my mother did remarry when i was 7 (met my stepdad when i was 3, though). maybe it's because i had a family "unit" kind of, regardless of whether he was my real dad or not, but i dealt very well with my parents' divorce. my mother said i was sad and a little angry and upset at our first christmas apart, but... i honestly don't remember those feelings and i only know they existed because i have a video tape of myself being a huge brat to my dad, lol. and because my mom explained that was why.



so.... if you're worried about the kids being upset now, just think of how they would/will feel years down the road if you really come to that breaking point again, kwim?



i say get out now, and give yourself a chance to be happy, and once you're really happy and able to enjoy life, you will see that maybe your kids are doing exactly the same. :D

Rain (aka Mama) 3 kids; Monroe, Georgia 6487 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting MommaNoodle:" i don't believe in this at all. lol. no offense. i don't believe that you should just deal with it. ... [snip!] ... be happy, and once you're really happy and able to enjoy life, you will see that maybe your kids are doing exactly the same. :D"


mmm, that's true. I'm not worried about Serena at all. She wouldn't even care. Just Aiden mostly, since he actually does interact (try to interact) with his dad. But, that's true. I guess it'd be a lot easier on him at a younger age than waiting and deciding to leave when he's like nine or ten and in school and all.

KissMeFinnNelson<3 1 child; 2 angel babies; Glasgow, Scotland, UK, United Kingdom 5388 posts
3rd Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rain (aka Mama):</b>" What if after the split they have one parent that's happy, but one that's mad and difficult, blames the other parent, and refuses to try and go into the change smoothly? "</blockquote>



Well what is the alternative? Stay together and definately have 2 unhappy parents and one environment that the child won't even be able to get breathing space from.... Forever?



Most likely both parents will experience short term unhappiness initially however they will move on. If not and one is particularly bitter then there is obviously much more deeper issues at hand they need to deal with.

MommaNoodle 2 kids; Pennsylvania 13115 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" mmm, that's true. I'm not worried about Serena at all. She wouldn't even care. Just Aiden mostly, since ... [snip!] ... be a lot easier on him at a younger age than waiting and deciding to leave when he's like nine or ten and in school and all. "


i mean, i fully know that not all kids handle things the same way, but... i really do think there is so much of a better chance for them to put it behind them and move on when they're younger. a lot of my friends who were older when their parents separated were really messed up over it. i mean, it could be a bit hard at first for the kids, but i think long term results will be better at a younger age.

Rain (aka Mama) 3 kids; Monroe, Georgia 6487 posts
3rd Jan '13
Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rain (aka Mama):</b>" What if after the split they have one ... [snip!] ... move on. If not and one is particularly bitter then there is obviously much more deeper issues at hand they need to deal with."


True... I hadn't really thought of it that way.



And there are definitely deeper issues with him. I guess I already know that.

Gone 17 kids; Miami, FL, United States 15414 posts
3rd Jan '13

I do feel like I put more effort into our relationship because we have our son. I think we actually do a really good job of parenting together and I like what we are able to give our son together. I wouldn't be able to stay with him through huge problems or if I was miserable, but I do think I am more patient and forgiving because I want to make our family work than if it was just him and I.

KissMeFinnNelson<3 1 child; 2 angel babies; Glasgow, Scotland, UK, United Kingdom 5388 posts
3rd Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rain (aka Mama):</b>" True... I hadn't really thought of it that way. And there are definitely deeper issues with him. I guess I already know that. "</blockquote>




Really everyone in the situation deserves a shot at happiness and that is the way you have to see it. Condemning both you and your DH to absolute unhappiness over staying together solely for the kids will condemn the kids to an absolute unhappy environment. Growing up every single day of your childhood where there is tension, unhappiness, disagreements, arguements, etc is not healthy. At the very least give yourself and your kids a chance.