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how to go on? posts
4th Jan '13

My name is Meredith Irizarry. I'm 29 and have been married to a wonderful man for 5 years. I'm a Med Student and have some serious cardiac issues so was to advised not to have kids during my first years of marriage. I underwent 9 surgeries and finally was able to stop meds. On Dec. 2011 I stopped my contraceptives and on Sept. 2012 found out I was pregnant for the first time. It was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to us! Both of our families were so exited! Everything was going perfectly. My doctor was amazed because even though everyone worried that my heart conditions could cause trouble during those first months, nothing happened. It turned out my baby boy was growing faster than expected. I'm 4'11" and my husband is 6'3" so the doctor said that I wouldn't probably hold for 40 weeks, but she never suggested there could be any serious problem. On Dec. 28, 2012 I started having some cramps and noticed a little bit of bleeding and clear fluid after going to the bathroom. I thought I was having a urinary tract infection. The pains intensified and I decided to go to the ER. My husband has been in the hospital for 3 weeks because he recently suffered and accident and my mom passed away two years ago, so I went with my mother-in-law. When the doc examined me she immediately said that it was too late, that I had already dilated and my membranes were protruding so bad it was impossible to do a rescue procedure. I have incompetent cervix. I had to stay there pushing for so many hours. The next day at 1:45 pm my baby boy Dylan was born. He was perfect. His heart was beating strong the whole time. It was almost unbearable to do this all alone. My hubby far away and uninformed. I got to hold my little piece of heaven and felt so empty inside me that couldn't even talk to him or say proper goodbyes. It's been 6 days and I don't know how to go on. Everyone says it's ok, you're gonna have another baby soon, your doctor will have precautions the next time, you're strong, etc. They don't understand. He will always be my first, my love, my baby. Please, help me out. I'm losing my faith.

*B & D Mommy* Due January 19; 2 kids; Illinois 15946 posts
4th Jan '13

I'm so sorry hun. I couldn't imagine going through such a loss. The only thing you can do is take it day by day. It probably won't get easier, but you will get stronger!

Kady 5 kids; Texas 2662 posts
4th Jan '13

I am so very sorry!! It isn't easy to lose a baby. I lost one too. Let me tell you right now, you will never, never, ever get over it but you will get past it. I still think about my baby almost daily. It hurts, sometimes so bad that you feel like you can't breathe. God is there, sometimes just in the background. It'll get better mama. Maybe not for a long while but very slowly. "hug"

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15477 posts
status 4th Jan '13

I am so very very sorry.




Whoever marked this as spam should smack themselves.

loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Oslo, ,, Norway 10589 posts
status 4th Jan '13

I am so very sorry.
*hugs*

LIVE.OUT.LOUD Due July 11 (boy); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Lawrenceville, Georgia 1624 posts
4th Jan '13

Im so sorry for your loss... I had a miscarriage November 4th. The pain gets easier with time. What helped me is knowing that my baby was in heaven playing with God. Happy. And knowing he/she didnt have to go through all of the bullshit this world has... It still hurts but knowing he/she is ok and in a much better place and knowing that I will be there with him/her one day helps.



just curious but how did you know you were having a boy at only 3 months?

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15477 posts
status 4th Jan '13
Quoting LIVE.OUT.LOUD:" Im so sorry for your loss... I had a miscarriage November 4th. The pain gets easier with time. What helped ... [snip!] ... that I will be there with him/her one day helps. just curious but how did you know you were having a boy at only 3 months?"

She found out in Sept. and lost the baby in December. She could have been a few weeks along when she found out, putting the baby around 16 weeks when passed. You can tell them.

LIVE.OUT.LOUD Due July 11 (boy); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Lawrenceville, Georgia 1624 posts
4th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" She found out in Sept. and lost the baby in December. She could have been a few weeks along when she found out, putting the baby around 16 weeks when passed. You can tell them."</blockquote>




Damn really?? I didnt find out until 25 Weeks with both of mine. Thats crazy.

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 6582 posts
4th Jan '13

A little over 5 years ago, I lost my first son at 23 weeks due to IC. I know right now you're probably angry ,confused, and heartbroken. For me, it took about a year to feel mostly 'normal' again, or at least adjust to the new normal.



It had taken me 6 years to get pregnant the first time. I'm diabetic, but all of this was a big surprise. I want you to know that the size of the baby has very little to do with early dilation. It's something that just happens to a few unlucky people. There are things that can increase your chances of having it happen (like previous surgeries on your cervix or manual dilation for testing), but sometimes it's just bad luck. In my case, it's basically a birth defect. For whatever reason my cervix doesn't stay closed like it's suppose to.



After my first pregnancy, I started seeing a high risk dr. She had me come in for a pre-pregnancy consult to discuss how we would handle future pregnancies and decide what testing i needed done before I got pregnant again. She wanted me to have a HSG done (dye in my uterus to make sure everything in there was normal .. no septums .. no blocked tube..etc) At 3 months post partum, i was cleared and told to go ahead and start trying since it would probably take a while. That first cycle i got my 2nd bfp and that baby is now 4.5 :) His brothers are 2.5 and 1. My youngest was my bonus baby. lol He wasn't planned.



I had a cerclage placed at 15 weeks (a shirodkar stitch) with my oldest and I was induced at 39w5d. I was on bedrest for most of the pregnancy. I was also on progesterone shots and indocin for contractions. I had U/S done every 2 weeks to measure my cervix length (vaginal u/s)



I had mcdonald stitches placed at 13 weeks with my middle/induced at 37 weeks and a mcdonald placed 12 weeks with youngest baby and induction at 38 weeks which turned out to be 37 weeks instead.



I hope that you find peace with what happened. It took me a long time to work through everything, but there's also hope too. I still miss my first baby boy, but I got to have a family despite having to work at it a bit harder than the average person.

LIVE.OUT.LOUD Due July 11 (boy); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Lawrenceville, Georgia 1624 posts
4th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting :</b>" I found out I was pregnant in September. I was about 5 weeks. My doctor saw he was a boy on Dec 12 (I was already 18 weeks). I lost hime at 20. "</blockquote>




Im sooo sorry :( I didnt think you could find out that early. I hope I didnt come across as rude. I was just curious. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Im so sorry for your loss :(

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 6582 posts
4th Jan '13
Quoting LIVE.OUT.LOUD:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" She found out in Sept. and lost the baby ... [snip!] ... You can tell them."</blockquote> Damn really?? I didnt find out until 25 Weeks with both of mine. Thats crazy."


I found out that my boys were boys as early as the end of my 13th week. I found out before 15 weeks with 3 out of 4 boys. I also get U/S every 2 weeks so there's plenty of chances to take a peak at the goods.

Hailee's Mama + 1 1 child; 1 angel baby; Georgia 13140 posts
4th Jan '13

I'm so sorry for your loss! I lost my daughter at 39 weeks, out took a long time to heal. I still have my days though. if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me!

LIVE.OUT.LOUD Due July 11 (boy); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Lawrenceville, Georgia 1624 posts
4th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Summerfrost:</b>" I found out that my boys were boys as early as the end of my 13th week. I found out before 15 weeks ... [snip!] ... before 15 weeks with 3 out of 4 boys. I also get U/S every 2 weeks so there's plenty of chances to take a peak at the goods."</blockquote>




Wow! With my boys my first US was 12 weeks then not again until 25 weeks when they told me the gender. Next time I'm finding a Dr that will tell me sooner lol.

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 6582 posts
4th Jan '13
Quoting LIVE.OUT.LOUD:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Summerfrost:</b>" I found out that my boys were boys as early ... [snip!] ... 12 weeks then not again until 25 weeks when they told me the gender. Next time I'm finding a Dr that will tell me sooner lol."


The perks of being high risk... ;)