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Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" So why do you keep punishing yourself by being with someone who shows no interest in being around you ... [snip!] ... have cried because of how it's leaving you feeling. Why do you continue to give him the opportunity to make you feel worthless?"


Every time I tell him how I feel he either says sorry and is better for a few hours or days or tells me I'm dumb for thinking that. He's really a nice guy I just don't understand why he doesnt try to spend time with me! I tell him I miss him and want to spend time with him and that him playing games all the time makes me feel really unloved. I guess he doesn't really get that I mean it. I have also told him I want to break up because I can't be in a relationship where I feel like this everyday. Then he tells me that I shouldn't feel like that and he loves me. I told him that maybe he needs to see a therapist and that maybe he's depressed and thats why he plays games and sleeps all the time and he said it's fucked up that when I am not happy I automatically blame him.

Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" I hope you're crying because you are realizing that you're worth more than this. Babies do not make ... [snip!] ... being in that house with him paying call of duty constantly after you've been taking care of your's and his child all day?"


I tell him that too! I say how can I trust that you will help me with the baby when you can't stop playing games and he just says it'll be so different. Well, maybe I need support NOW not later. He tells me I am over reacting and I really think maybe I am and it's just hormones but either way I still feel bad. And from my friends I talk to and you guys I see that it isn't just all in my head.

Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" I hope you're crying because you are realizing that you're worth more than this. Babies do not make ... [snip!] ... being in that house with him paying call of duty constantly after you've been taking care of your's and his child all day?"


And I'm crying because I'm frustrated and feel like maybe he doesn't even care if I stick around or not.



edit: and yes also because everyone here made me realize how stupid it is that I put up with it.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15205 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Syndal:" Every time I tell him how I feel he either says sorry and is better for a few hours or days or tells ... [snip!] ... thats why he plays games and sleeps all the time and he said it's fucked up that when I am not happy I automatically blame him."


So he lies to you. He tells you he cares and can put effort into making you feel better for a couple of days and is back to the same song and dance.



Do you realize how absurd it is for him to tell you that you "shouldn't feel that way"? People don't choose how they feel. People aren't sad or lonely for fun. They're natural reactions to the way they're being treated.



Think about how hard it is to change yourself, you cannot change another person. You can't wish him into being who you know he's capable of being. You say he's a nice guy, but is he? It doesn't sound like he brings much to the table. It sounds more like you're in love with who you know he's capable of being, but not who he is.



"
I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15205 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Syndal:" I tell him that too! I say how can I trust that you will help me with the baby when you can't stop playing ... [snip!] ... hormones but either way I still feel bad. And from my friends I talk to and you guys I see that it isn't just all in my head."


Kind of like how he tells you he's going to be better,, and then stops giving any effort after a few days? If he's so capable of giving you support with a child, he's be more capable of giving you support without one. But instead, he's not giving you support at ALL. And if he IS capable of giving you support with a child, it's incredible ridiculous that he's refusing to give it to you now.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15205 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Syndal:" And I'm crying because I'm frustrated and feel like maybe he doesn't even care if I stick around or ... [snip!] ... if I stick around or not. edit: and yes also because everyone here made me realize how stupid it is that I put up with it."



Oh I guarantee that if you decided to leave that he would cry, beg, plead, say he would go to therapy, change, etc. And then when he got you to stay, he would go right back to his normal antics.

Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" So he lies to you. He tells you he cares and can put effort into making you feel better for a couple ... [snip!] ... for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.
Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" Oh I guarantee that if you decided to leave that he would cry, beg, plead, say he would go to therapy, change, etc. And then when he got you to stay, he would go right back to his normal antics. "


Maybe if I got him to get rid of his game system? There were long stretches when he wouldnt play games but it seems to have just came back so much worse.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15205 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Syndal:" He really is a nice guy. He just doesn't seem to realize what he is saying. When he ISNT sleeping or ... [snip!] ... else for a while and he can see if he will like being able to do what he wants or if he will realize he wants to be with me."


What does he do to be considered a nice guy? And how often does it happen? Do you find yourself giving him praise and getting overly happy about really mediocre things....like him hugging you once a day, or having a clean house....because it's your only glimpse of happiness?



Do you think you could make him leave? I say YOU leave and exert your independence. Make it very obvious that you don't NEED him. That you choose to have him in your life, and that's not so that you can be his video game cheerleader.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15205 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Syndal:" Maybe if I got him to get rid of his game system? There were long stretches when he wouldnt play games but it seems to have just came back so much worse."


The game is not the root of the problem. The problem is that he has no regard for your feelings and doesn't think you deserve more than to be in his presence.

Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" What does he do to be considered a nice guy? And how often does it happen? Do you find yourself giving ... [snip!] ... you don't NEED him. That you choose to have him in your life, and that's not so that you can be his video game cheerleader. "


He makes jokes with me, cuddles with me, laughs with me, hugs me, watches tv with me, goes out with me, and plays games WITH me. It's just becoming so rare. I would leave but I don't have a job right now because I have such horrible headaches from this pregnancy that I havent been able to get a new one since I got fired(for a shit reason I might add). I do not really need to either because right now it's him and my mom and I living in an apartment because she divorced her husband and didnt want to live alone. So anyway, I feel like since my mother lives here it'd make more sense for me to stay than it would be for him.

Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" The game is not the root of the problem. The problem is that he has no regard for your feelings and doesn't think you deserve more than to be in his presence. "


It's just so hard for me to think of him like that :/

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15205 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Syndal:" He makes jokes with me, cuddles with me, laughs with me, hugs me, watches tv with me, goes out with ... [snip!] ... to live alone. So anyway, I feel like since my mother lives here it'd make more sense for me to stay than it would be for him."


Kick him out. He can cuddle with his gaming system.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15205 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Syndal:" It's just so hard for me to think of him like that :/"



Is it hard to think of him like that or is it hard to accept that, that is who he has become?

Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
6th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" Is it hard to think of him like that or is it hard to accept that, that is who he has become?"


both?
He's still sitting here next to me playing it after I was crying. He said we should go to the movies tomorrow -_- I hate that he wants to play nice.