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Do they understand why? CIO question NopeNotGonnaDOIt 6 kids; Cuba 3000 posts
8th Jan '13

Just curious, do you think a child can understand say at 8 months or so that you want them to go to sleep in their own crib. (if they had been in your bed until then) Like using the ferber method or any other safer cio method, does the kid actually understand whats going on?
Personally I think they do in a way, they understand that you want them to stay in their crib, sure. That you want them to sleep in there, sure.
BUT I don't think they understand WHY. And I think that is where a lot of the stress comes from and why some parents choose not to push it. What do you think?

tooodles 240 kids; Thailand 5075 posts
8th Jan '13

At 8 months, no I don't think they understand why.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
8th Jan '13

I don't think they get it at all at that point, no.

*B & D Mommy* Due January 19; 2 kids; Illinois 15946 posts
8th Jan '13

I'm sure they don't understand, but it is something they will get use to. Speaking of which..I really need to get my son into his own room..

NopeNotGonnaDOIt 6 kids; Cuba 3000 posts
8th Jan '13

What about a 2 year old... or at what age do you think they start to understand why?

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
8th Jan '13

No, at 8 months I do not believe they understand that you just want them to sleep in their own bed. If you've been cosleeping until then, they think your bed IS their bed. And as far as they are concerned that arrangement works and they feel secure and safe in your bed, so no they do not understand WHY they are suddenly being left in another bed alone.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
8th Jan '13
Quoting Mama❍Moon:" What about a 2 year old... or at what age do you think they start to understand why?"


I think at 2, they understand what they are supposed to do, but that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't scared or that they actually know how to lay down and keep still until they fall asleep.



Depends greatly on the personality of your child by then.

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
8th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mama❍Moon:</b>" What about a 2 year old... or at what age do you think they start to understand why?"</blockquote>



Dd just turned 2 and she still cosleeps. When we've tried to put her in her room in her bed she literally starts to panic when we leave. She starts shaking and hyperventilating because it's scary to her. To me she obviously doesn't understand what I'm trying to do so it's just not worth. She might be ready when she gets a little older but she just isn't ready yet.
My son was ready to transition at 13 months. He was fine. All children are different.

NopeNotGonnaDOIt 6 kids; Cuba 3000 posts
8th Jan '13
Quoting MommaSav2:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mama❍Moon:</b>" What about a 2 year old... or at what ... [snip!] ... older but she just isn't ready yet. My son was ready to transition at 13 months. He was fine. All children are different."


Yeah I think thats what it really comes down to.



This all stems from a conversation I had with a friend (who is a mom) and she was just kind of shocked that her other friend still co-slept with her 2.5 year old, saying that he just doesn't understand yet. And she thought that was crazy and said something like her baby understood at 8 months. I didn't really disagree with her or anything, just made me think about it and what we have done in the past with our kids.. and what I plan on doing with our third.

Clk 2 kids; Dexter, Michigan 11930 posts
8th Jan '13

Our oldest daughter decided to sleep by herself at almost three years old. We co-slept with her before then. It was all her ideal, she now sleeps on the floor next to her bed at night. I would imagine all kids understand at different ages since we all learn at different rates. I personally can't put on an age of when all kids understand why parents are doing CIO, then again we don't do it lol.

Lisa Holdridge Due April 2 (girl); 2 kids; Derby, United Kingdom 175 posts
8th Jan '13

That's why I decided to put mine straight into their cot in their own room from the day they came out of the hospital. They didn't know any different then. Personally I wouldn't have been able to get any sleep if they were in my room let alone bed. As a result they are very secure in their own beds and are happy to sleep in a different room when we're on holiday and I've never had any problems with fear of the dark although I appreciate that can be learned later. Where does lo normally have nap times. |Perhaps you could start off by just doing nap times until lo gets used to being in their own bed or if they fall asleep put them in so they wake up in there. Their biggest fear is that you're not coming back and apparently 8-9 monthsis when seperation anxiety is at it's peak.

NopeNotGonnaDOIt 6 kids; Cuba 3000 posts
8th Jan '13
Quoting Lisa Holdridge:" That's why I decided to put mine straight into their cot in their own room from the day they came out ... [snip!] ... there. Their biggest fear is that you're not coming back and apparently 8-9 monthsis when seperation anxiety is at it's peak."


My newest son did great in his own crib until about a month old, when he started getting more alert. He was also getting too big to swaddle and he startle reflex was just crazy so he wouldn't stay sleeping in there too long, ever. He's 5 months now and naps in his swing or car seat nicely. Once his startle reflex calms down a bit I plan on trying to get him to nap in his crib, then down for at least the first half of the night in there. Thats what I did for my first and she was sleeping 12 hours a night by a year old. My son was so different, way more sensitive and a big night waker so it just made more sense to co-sleep. We just got him a twin bed at a year old and I slept with him in there most nights. I mean I would sneak out but he woke up every 3 hours til he was about 2 anyway. Just gonna go with the flow this time and see what happens.

Bangtail 50 kids; Katy, Texas 7752 posts
8th Jan '13

They may not understand why, but they do understand the change in routine, which is most important. Babies know that they can cry and they'll get what they want. When they're uncomfortable with a change, they cry because they aren't where they want to be. If you give in every time, they'll never get used to a change. That doesn't mean you just throw them in the room and leave then until they shut up. It's a progression. It worked for me. If you're a parent who won't do it, then to each their own.

NopeNotGonnaDOIt 6 kids; Cuba 3000 posts
8th Jan '13
Quoting Bangtail:" They may not understand why, but they do understand the change in routine, which is most important. Babies ... [snip!] ... then until they shut up. It's a progression. It worked for me. If you're a parent who won't do it, then to each their own."


I am at least going to try it. It worked for my first, progressively yes, but not for my second (way too intense, all the time!)... so we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Lisa Holdridge Due April 2 (girl); 2 kids; Derby, United Kingdom 175 posts
8th Jan '13
Quoting Mama❍Moon:" I am at least going to try it. It worked for my first, progressively yes, but not for my second (way too intense, all the time!)... so we'll just have to wait and see how it goes. "


There's a few good techniques to try. I followed Gina Ford's contented little baby routine from the beginning but she has lots of good sleeping advice, then there is Jo Frost (Supernanny). I watch loads of programmes like that they are really useful for lots of things. I agree with Bangtail, sometimes you do have to leave them to cry and it's only neglectful if you are not providing basic human rights such as food and liquids. Once lo knows that you are serious and not going to give in they just give up, The worse thing you can do is leave them to cry for an hour then give up yourself because you're teaching them that you will eventually give in. Sometimes it's necessary to be a "harsh" mummy to teach them valuable lessons. It might take a week but once you've cracked it you will be much happier and have your bed back instead of that 1/8 that lo leaves you lol!!