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babys fathers issues... need advice. ShockersShufflers 19 kids; Iowa 1501 posts
12th Jan '13

My babys father and I have been broken up for a couple months. But we still live together.
Its a long story.
any ways, he wanted me to get am abortion, I said no, then he broke up with me.
So...now he's seeing his ex, I flipped out on him because he lied to me about it and is always telling me he cares and blah blah blah.
And I keep putting out...I know, I'm going to stop.
He lied that he wasn't talking to her anymore but phone records don't lie. He still hasn't told his mother about me or the baby on the way.
But he wants to help name the baby, he wants the baby to have his last name, he doesn't want today child support, and he says if I work with him, he won't take me to court for visitation.
Ugh.
This got really ugly, really fast.
What should I do? I'm moving out in March... Bit do I allow him top make these decisions?
How do I draw the line?
Should he pay child support?
I want respect as the mother of his child. I don't wasn't to be the secret for the rest of my time..
Advice?
TIA!

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59929 posts
12th Jan '13

Name the child what you want, take him to court for CS, let him have visitation if he wants.

JΔS Georgia 75172 posts
status 12th Jan '13

He's not running the show. He's obviously a master manipulator. File for CS, its about your baby. Not you or him.

ShockersShufflers 19 kids; Iowa 1501 posts
12th Jan '13

So, my last name?

InkDMomma 35 kids; Clinton Township, Michigan 27418 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting **Hanna**:" My babys father and I have been broken up for a couple months. But we still live together. Its a long ... [snip!] ... support? I want respect as the mother of his child. I don't wasn't to be the secret for the rest of my time.. Advice? TIA!"


Like you said you were going to STOP f**king HIM.
f**k him... YOU name the baby what YOU want, YOUR last name, He will have to pay child support whether he likes it or not.
I wouldn't rock the boat until you move out though... just... stop f**king him and don't talk to him about anything.

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59929 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting **Hanna**:" So, my last name?"


That's really up to you! If you feel fine with the baby having his last name, great. If not, give the baby your last name. I'm very glad I gave my daughter my last name.

KrissJohnson16 Due January 2; 3 kids; Fallbrook, California 141 posts
12th Jan '13

Tell him if he doesn't pay child support then he won't get visitation. He needs to support his child! And if he takes you to court for visitation by all means let him. He doesn't really have a leg to stand on in my opinion. They will still prob grant him time but don't allow him to push you around. You're gonna end up being the sole provider for the baby. And in all honesty the babies name and last name are your choice not his. He's not the one carrying the child and he's busy screwing around so I wouldn't give him that option. Try looking online and seeing if your state has an online support calculator. (Sorry didn't see where you're from and I know California does) see if it works in your benefit

ShockersShufflers 19 kids; Iowa 1501 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting InkDMomma:</b>" Like you said you were going to STOP f**king HIM. f**k him... YOU name the baby what YOU want, YOUR ... [snip!] ... it or not. I wouldn't rock the boat until you move out though... just... stop f**king him and don't talk to him about anything."</blockquote>




That's the best advice I've ever heard !



Just keep it calm til I leave.
I have to remember to keep my emotion in check...lol.



Everything will be fine once I'm out.

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
12th Jan '13

In a situation like that I wouldn't give him any of that. You can take name suggestions but you don't have to follow them. And don't give the baby is last night. Something tells me this guy isn't going to be the most stable and it will more of an issue than what it is worth later on. If he wants to take you to court for visitation then he will set himself up to pay child support so let him.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting **Hanna**:" So, my last name?"


Of course. I don't even know why this is even a question.
Take him to court for child support and visitation. Let him be in his child's life if he wants to, but by the sounds of him, don't be disappointed if/when he skips out on you and baby.
He can't have his cake and eat it too. Does his gf/the girl he's talking to know you live with him?

Chef Sarah ♥ Due May 11; 1 child; Hollywood, FL, United States 10328 posts
status 12th Jan '13

First of all, stop having sex with him. Clearly he can't be trusted.. Name him what you want, give him your last name and file for child support as soon as the baby is born. He can SAY he's going to this and that but you can't know for sure until after the baby is born.



Beats naming the baby what your BD wants, giving the baby BD's last name, not filing, etc and then months down the line wishing you didn't give BD the benefit of the doubt.



But, don't start anything until after you leave. Do you know where his mom lives or how to contact her?

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59929 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:" First of all, stop having sex with him. Clearly he can't be trusted.. Name him what you want, give him ... [snip!] ... benefit of the doubt. But, don't start anything until after you leave. Do you know where his mom lives or how to contact her?"


:!:



I wish I hadn't given BD the benefit of the doubt.



I mean, DD has my last name... but it's been almost 4 years of no child support, but a year of him having visitation and calling me irrational for bringing up money. :roll:

ShockersShufflers 19 kids; Iowa 1501 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommyToWesley:</b>" Of course. I don't even know why this is even a question. Take him to court for child support and ... [snip!] ... skips out on you and baby. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Does his gf/the girl he's talking to know you live with him?"</blockquote>




Yes, she knows. And I told her personally. She ran back to him crying and he yelled at nw for talking to her. She is also talking to his mom, and she's keeping the baby a secret from his mom too.



Oh and this is funny...he said that when the baby is born, he still wants to come over and stay with us sometimes because he'll miss Oliver too, {my other son} but..... drumroll..... he's not going to tell Kelly about it.



Ha. No thanks.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:" First of all, stop having sex with him. Clearly he can't be trusted.. Name him what you want, give him ... [snip!] ... benefit of the doubt. But, don't start anything until after you leave. Do you know where his mom lives or how to contact her?"


Also, this.
His mother deserves to know that she is going to have a grandchild. Just because her son is a POS doesn't mean she should have to miss out on this baby's life.
You're 5 months along. You need to tell her, since he apparently is just hoping it is all going to go away or something like that.

ShockersShufflers 19 kids; Iowa 1501 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" First of all, stop having sex with him. Clearly he can't be trusted.. Name him what you want, give him ... [snip!] ... benefit of the doubt. But, don't start anything until after you leave. Do you know where his mom lives or how to contact her?"</blockquote>




Yes. I have her phone number and I've been to her house,.he took me there when she was at work,
He's 34 with a key to moms...lol.
But he said if I contact her, it would ruin her. Year her apart. She would be upset, etc.
Out of respect I haven't called and I feel it would start a fight.



And I know it doesn't mean much yet...but I haven't slept with him in 4 days. Small victory.