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Be honest. RadioactiveCat Due November 8 (boy); 1 child; Roanoke, VA, United States 22597 posts
status 12th Jan '13

What do you assume when you hear that a woman doesn't have custody of her child?



I feel like when people view a woman whose ex has her child more than half time, they would just assume she's an unfit parent, or into drugs and guys? Especially since it's a common view that the judges favor the woman.



Do you think anyone would ever think more judiciously that maybe it just works better for that family?

Mrs. Conan O'Brien 2 kids; Colorado 20919 posts
12th Jan '13

Yep that's what I think. It's pretty much always true too, so...

Dr. Elliot Reid ; 1 child; New Zealand 8931 posts
12th Jan '13

I assume that she has her reasons for why her situation is the way it is, and it's none of my business.

whitney ♥ ainsley 1 child; New Hampshire 16454 posts
12th Jan '13

I feel like that family chose what worked best for them in their situation.
I know someone who's ex has their daughter most of the time because she works nights, and it works for them.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 45800 posts
12th Jan '13

I had joint legal & physical custody of my daughter and people assumed I did something wrong or I was unfit in some way.



It was incredibly upsetting to me.

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
12th Jan '13

In most cases, if someone gives custody up, i assume they were being selfless and doing what's best for their kids. Male or female.

----&& 2 kids; Scituate, Rhode Island 3903 posts
12th Jan '13

I would think she didn't have adequate living arrangements or mental/drug issues or that she didn't want the responsibility honestly.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
12th Jan '13

I have never met a woman who doesn't have custody of their child for any other reason other than the fact that she is not a fit parent. So yes I would assume that. It's not a "popular thought" the judges favor the mother. They do, so hearing that a judge was NOT in favor of the mother, raises my eyebrow immediately.



That being said, I don't judge someone that has half or shared custody. Both being equally fit is fine and doesn't concern me.

BareFootBabyMaker Due May 30 (boy); 2 kids; Springfield, Missouri 850 posts
12th Jan '13

I always think shes a shitty mom...seriously, I couldn't live without my kids.



I know thats not always the case..but thats my first impression.

meℓissa+1♥ 1 child; ., CA, United States 17423 posts
status 12th Jan '13
Quoting BareFootBabyMaker:" I always think shes a shitty mom...seriously, I couldn't live without my kids. I know thats not always the case..but thats my first impression."



:!:

RadioactiveCat Due November 8 (boy); 1 child; Roanoke, VA, United States 22597 posts
status 12th Jan '13
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" I had joint legal & physical custody of my daughter and people assumed I did something wrong or I was unfit in some way. It was incredibly upsetting to me."


This is the situation closest to what I am going through. I am about to share custody officially on the books with my ex. And it is because of opposing work schedules. My mom is making it seem like sharing with him is going to have people talk. She says I should take her and skip the state/never let him see her like she did to my alcoholic dad. But hers and my situation are different. My daughter's father isn't on drugs and is a fit enough parent, considering I don't like him.



She's saying giving him equal parenting rights is opening the door for me to never see her again. That I'm a shit mom for not taking her all to myself. It's upsetting.

Daesey 1 child; 2 angel babies; Kansas 1482 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Derpy Hooves:" What do you assume when you hear that a woman doesn't have custody of her child? I feel like when people ... [snip!] ... judges favor the woman. Do you think anyone would ever think more judiciously that maybe it just works better for that family?"


To be honest, because I have seen custody hearings first hand, when I hear that a judge has sided with a father over the mother, I would rightfully assume that he was the better parent. I wouldn't necessarily assume that she was a deadbeat or drug addict, but that he happened to have the means and support to offer the more stable home for the child.

Mrs. Conan O'Brien 2 kids; Colorado 20919 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Derpy Hooves:</b>" This is the situation closest to what I am going through. I am about to share custody officially on ... [snip!] ... rights is opening the door for me to never see her again. That I'm a shit mom for not taking her all to myself. It's upsetting."</blockquote>




Splitting it 50/50 is totally different IMO

----&& 2 kids; Scituate, Rhode Island 3903 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting
Zariah♥ 1 child; Bolingbrook, Illinois 758 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Derpy Hooves:" What do you assume when you hear that a woman doesn't have custody of her child? I feel like when people ... [snip!] ... judges favor the woman. Do you think anyone would ever think more judiciously that maybe it just works better for that family?"


I did have a friend that her daughter stayed with her father because she went back to finish up school but that was only temporary and the parents were still together. I think because most mothers couldn't imagine going days w/o seeing their LO and wonder how another woman could. I don't assume but I do usually wonder if the mom is unfit first.