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RadioactiveCat 2 kids; Roanoke, VA, United States 22957 posts
status 12th Jan '13
Quoting
Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 46839 posts
status 12th Jan '13
Quoting Derpy Hooves:" This is the situation closest to what I am going through. I am about to share custody officially on ... [snip!] ... rights is opening the door for me to never see her again. That I'm a shit mom for not taking her all to myself. It's upsetting."


It's becoming more and more common for judges to consider both parents situation outside of their gender when rendering custody decisions.



In many states and provinces, if the parents live within 5 or 10 minutes of each other or the child's school, joint custody (at least legal custody) is awarded.

Daesey Due April 14; 1 child; 2 angel babies; Kansas 1482 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Derpy Hooves:" This is the situation closest to what I am going through. I am about to share custody officially on ... [snip!] ... rights is opening the door for me to never see her again. That I'm a shit mom for not taking her all to myself. It's upsetting."


OMG, your mom is totally wrong, but she's projecting her feelings and her wrong-doing on you. You're right. It's not the same situation at all and if your ex is a decent person, is willing to work things out with you civilly and is trustworthy w/your child... then what you're doing is absolutely 100% correct! Both he & your child deserve the opportunity to have a relationship together even if yours didn't work out. Congrats on being an adult!



Besides.. if you run & they catch you --- you WILL lose her. Guaranteed.

RadioactiveCat 2 kids; Roanoke, VA, United States 22957 posts
status 12th Jan '13
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" It's becoming more and more common for judges to consider both parents situation outside of their gender ... [snip!] ... the parents live within 5 or 10 minutes of each other or the child's school, joint custody (at least legal custody) is awarded."


That reminds me! We both wanted to list her address as with the parent in the best school district...



If I move it will probably be me, but because there are some rough schools in town, it could be him. She would just have a cow if it was him.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Derpy Hooves:" My mom is just making it seem like I am walking out on my child because there could be some weeks he ... [snip!] ... thinks, that in court, my willingness to give up any time at all with her is akin to me saying, "Take her, I don't want her.""


You have to do what is best for your child. That being said, I think that until they're a teenager, they need to have an established "home". Meaning that there is one place that they consider their home above another. I feel like 50-50 visitation kind of takes that away from a child.

Zariah♥ 1 child; Bolingbrook, Illinois 758 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Derpy Hooves:" That reminds me! We both wanted to list her address as with the parent in the best school district... ... [snip!] ... probably be me, but because there are some rough schools in town, it could be him. She would just have a cow if it was him."


You're doing what best for your daughter. She might not see it now, but once you and him have things set and she sees how it works out maybe she'll leave it alone. Hope it all works out :)

Mrs. Conan O'Brien 2 kids; Colorado 20924 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Derpy Hooves:</b>" My mom is just making it seem like I am walking out on my child because there could be some weeks he ... [snip!] ... thinks, that in court, my willingness to give up any time at all with her is akin to me saying, "Take her, I don't want her.""</blockquote>




I think that's dumb :?

BareFootBabyMaker Due May 30 (boy); 2 kids; Springfield, Missouri 850 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" You have to do what is best for your child. That being said, I think that until they're a teenager, ... [snip!] ... is one place that they consider their home above another. I feel like 50-50 visitation kind of takes that away from a child. "


:!:
This completely, I feel that it is completely ridiculous to have a child go back and forth between two homes constantly. Where is the "safe place" they are supposed to have?
And over my dead body would I agree to a 50/50 custody schedule just because of a job. If shes old enough for school/daycare then I would find a job that worked with that.
Children need stability!

RadioactiveCat 2 kids; Roanoke, VA, United States 22957 posts
status 12th Jan '13
Quoting
whitney ♥ ainsley 1 child; New Hampshire 16454 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting BareFootBabyMaker:" :!: This completely, I feel that it is completely ridiculous to have a child go back and forth between ... [snip!] ... because of a job. If shes old enough for school/daycare then I would find a job that worked with that. Children need stability!"


You don't think the child should see one parent just as much as the other? In an instance that both parents are fit, I don't see any reason why 50/50 shouldn't be awarded.

whitney ♥ ainsley 1 child; New Hampshire 16454 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Derpy Hooves:" So you don't think that would make me appear unloving and detached from her in court either? I was wondering how that would look considering I haven't been yet."


I know you're not asking me, but I don't think so at all.
You two have made an agreement to do what is best for her, and with your work schedules you know what works.
I'd think the judge would be thankful you figured it all out for them.

Mrs. Conan O'Brien 2 kids; Colorado 20924 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Derpy Hooves:</b>" So you don't think that would make me appear unloving and detached from her in court either? I was wondering how that would look considering I haven't been yet."</blockquote>




I don't think so... if you went lower than 50/50 yes. If you trust him then what's the problem. I think it'd be hard to get custody back if you changed your mind though

----&& 2 kids; Scituate, Rhode Island 3903 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Derpy Hooves:" So you don't think that would make me appear unloving and detached from her in court either? I was wondering how that would look considering I haven't been yet."


When going through my divorce I was required to take a stupid coparenting class. Honestly if both parents seem fit they prefer to allot 50/50 custody because they feel its in the best interest for the child to have equal time with both parents. However most of the time that just doesn't work with school and afterschool activities and what not.

Mrs. Conan O'Brien 2 kids; Colorado 20924 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BareFootBabyMaker:</b>" :!: This completely, I feel that it is completely ridiculous to have a child go back and forth between ... [snip!] ... because of a job. If shes old enough for school/daycare then I would find a job that worked with that. Children need stability!"</blockquote>




Why can't they both be safe places?



Idk if I split up from my partner I wouldn't be opposed to 50/50...

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting whitney ♥ ainsley:" You don't think the child should see one parent just as much as the other? In an instance that both parents are fit, I don't see any reason why 50/50 shouldn't be awarded. "



I think that a child should be able to see the other parent when they want to, however I also think that every child needs an established home, until they're a teenager, and then they can choose which parent they want to spend time with and when.