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Hiding... *Mary Moon* 1 child; New York 3601 posts
12th Jan '13

I'm "hiding out" in my living room. SO wants sex. He is in bed right now sleeping for work since he goes in at midnight and I told him when the chores were done we could get frisky. I don't blame him for asking so much, since he has barely gotten any recently. I have no sex drive and find it easier to find reasons why I cant have sex (currently, my living looks like a day care took a dump in it and i have a sink full of dishes) than to flat out say no, I'm not in the mood for sex. I feel like such a shit, but I don't want to flat out say no because he thinks its him. Its not him. Just me. I'm not tryin to find ways to get in the mood, just venting. I probably will do the chores and go in and have sex. Its just become such a chore in and of itself, I have to force myself. I'm actually very attracted to him and have yernings when he isn't around but when it comes right down to it, I'm dead in the water. Its always been like this. My various medications have had my sex drive screwed up off and on for years. I want to want to have sex. This sucks. I'm just glad he is so kind and isn't pushy or mean. He asks, I give him my excuse of choice and he says okay maybe later. I have counseling on the 21st. I'm debating on bringing it up. I know if this goes on it can be detrimental to our relationship.
Thanks for listening. :/

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
12th Jan '13

I think it's great that you're so honest with yourself and are not ashamed to seek counseling when you feel you need it.



On a side note. Because you two already have issues when it comes to intimacy, I wouldn't make ultimatums like "when the chores are done". You don't want sex to be seen as a reward or something that has to be earned through work. You want to keep it something personal and intimate.

*Mary Moon* 1 child; New York 3601 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" I think it's great that you're so honest with yourself and are not ashamed to seek counseling when you ... [snip!] ... to be seen as a reward or something that has to be earned through work. You want to keep it something personal and intimate. "</blockquote>



Oh no no no! I mean I say I have chores to do and if I find time I will have sex with him. Not if he does the chores he can have sex. My house would be sparkling in that case! And I try to be honest with myself because with past mental illnesses I know bottling things up or denying them hurts me more in the end.

*Mary Moon* 1 child; New York 3601 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Mary Moon*:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" I think it's great that you're so honest with ... [snip!] ... to be honest with myself because with past mental illnesses I know bottling things up or denying them hurts me more in the end."</blockquote>




And in the end, the chores always conveniently take so long, or I find more things I need to do and sex never gets done. It's a shitty system but that's the easiest way I know to avoid sex other than saying I'm not in the mood. Like I said, he feels responsible and that's a horrible feeling. I had an ex who wouldn't have sex with me and I always blamed myself and blamed myself no matter how many times he said it wasn't my fault. (He wouldn't have sex with me because he felt guilty he was cheating on me, but the concept is similar.) Sexual rejection hurts all around.

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting *Mary Moon*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" I think it's great that you're so honest with ... [snip!] ... to be honest with myself because with past mental illnesses I know bottling things up or denying them hurts me more in the end."


Okay then ignore me, lol. I misunderstood.



That's a great trait to have. Hold on to it.

*Mary Moon* 1 child; New York 3601 posts
12th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" Okay then ignore me, lol. I misunderstood. That's a great trait to have. Hold on to it. "</blockquote>




I didn't word it well. Lol it was a hard one to gain. I used to let everything roll off my back and after a while it would all bubble to the surface and I would majorly fly off the handle. Now I embrace my thoughts. More healthy. Shitty at times, thinking can be a pain in the ass if its thoughts better left alone but it's a useful trait.