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Boyfriend and his family? NadieAlawa 16 kids; Texas 94 posts
12th Jan '13

So, this is going to be long but I really need some help.



My boyfriend's family is very religious and doesn't agree with our relationship. I'm also kind of in this religion (not because I want to be, but it takes a while to get out) and everyone there just looks at me and thinks I'm a huge sinner because I have a boyfriend who doesn't believe as they do and I commit "fornication" and stuff. Well, he's always pressuring me to hang out with his family and I can tell they don't really like me or want me around but he doesn't care. He thinks I'm making him choose between them and me. I'm not at all. I simply don't like putting people in awkward situations and since he isn't in this religion, he doesn't understand. He thinks I'm being selfish and stupid. I don't understand how to get him to see it my way.

melindapple 1 child; Michigan 5420 posts
12th Jan '13

If you don't go around, they will never get to know you in order to like you. I understand it's uncomfortable, but maybe do it once in awhile. You don't have to spend every weekend there, just go around to show them that you're willing to get to know them/ let them get to know you better.

NadieAlawa 16 kids; Texas 94 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting melindapple:" If you don't go around, they will never get to know you in order to like you. I understand it's uncomfortable, ... [snip!] ... every weekend there, just go around to show them that you're willing to get to know them/ let them get to know you better."


They do know me though. I've known them since I was like 7, I've been going to the same church as them since I was a kid.

*Tegan's Mommy* 1 child; Lowell, Massachusetts 1264 posts
12th Jan '13

i dont even see it you way... What religion are you? what is your bf and his family? and dont you think you are putting your bf in an awkward situation for refusing tovisit his family?

NadieAlawa 16 kids; Texas 94 posts
12th Jan '13

Alright, it's very, very difficult to explain. I guess I shouldn't have posted about it. But I'll try to make it clearer.



His family, they're Christian. He's Atheist. I'm Atheist but I still go to that church because of my family. I won't get into that because it's too complicated. But the thing I want him to understand is, that by me dating him, I'm pretty much shaming my family and his according to that church. I don't really care about that at all, I love him and nobody will change that. But his family doesn't agree with us. They love him, not big fans of me. One time I went with him to an outing with his family, I got eye rolls and head shakes and everyone was just giving me dirty looks because I was such a bad person for dating someone outside the church. I don't like being put in that situation. I'm not a mean person, I don't ever make rude comments and I don't like being around people who obviously don't like me hanging around. It makes me feel weird. I'd never ask him to choose between me or his family, but going to family things with him is very uncomfortable to me and he doesn't understand. He thinks I'm being selfish when I act shy and stuff.

Nikkie Beee Due January 29; 2 kids; Victorville, California 3968 posts
12th Jan '13

SO his family is ok with him being Atheist, but not ok with you being Atheist?

NadieAlawa 16 kids; Texas 94 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Nikkie Beee:" SO his family is ok with him being Atheist, but not ok with you being Atheist?"


I think it more has to do with how I was apart of the church and now choose to do things that aren't exactly encouraged there.

melindapple 1 child; Michigan 5420 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting NadieAlawa:" Alright, it's very, very difficult to explain. I guess I shouldn't have posted about it. But I'll try ... [snip!] ... things with him is very uncomfortable to me and he doesn't understand. He thinks I'm being selfish when I act shy and stuff."



I'm a christian, it's not a hard religion to get out of. Just stop going if you want out. Like I said, I understand it's uncomfortable but 9 times out of 10 in a situation like that the guy will break up with the girl. I'm sorry to say that, and hope that isn't the case with you. It's just when a guy is in a situation where the family doesn't like the girl, there is a lot of pressure put on him. Then you have a girl who isn't willing to suck it up once in awhile, and it makes it worse. I really hope things turn out for the best, but idk what other advice to give you. Also, if he is atheist then why are you the bad guy?

NadieAlawa 16 kids; Texas 94 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting melindapple:" I'm a christian, it's not a hard religion to get out of. Just stop going if you want out. Like I said, ... [snip!] ... hope things turn out for the best, but idk what other advice to give you. Also, if he is atheist then why are you the bad guy?"


Thanks. Not sure, I guess maybe they simply don't like me. I do go places with them before, I just get bad reactions.

Nikkie Beee Due January 29; 2 kids; Victorville, California 3968 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting NadieAlawa:" I think it more has to do with how I was apart of the church and now choose to do things that aren't exactly encouraged there. "


Meh, I say don't let it get to you. If you guys are happy and want to be together, you kinda have to take one for the team. Granted it maybe uncomfortable, but, if you love him enough, it's not asking for much. His family will eventually get use to the idea of you guys dating if they see you two together, a lot. Hopefully, you guys can work through this.

NadieAlawa 16 kids; Texas 94 posts
12th Jan '13
Quoting Nikkie Beee:" Meh, I say don't let it get to you. If you guys are happy and want to be together, you kinda have ... [snip!] ... get use to the idea of you guys dating if they see you two together, a lot. Hopefully, you guys can work through this."


We're going on two years, so they know we're serious. Guess you're right, they'll just have to get used to it because I'm not going anywhere unless he breaks it off or something. Thanks! :)