Reply
Custody Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
13th Jan '13

So, my ex randomly messaged me & let me know he's decided that when he finds a place to live, he wants the kids every other week. He loves 3 hours away, and has seen the kids 3 times in the past year. He never calls them, asks about them, even so much as comments on their pictures on FB. He parties all the time & instead of helping w/ them financially, he buys tattoo equipment. I dropped child support against him as he begged me to & promised when he gets everything in order, he'd help again. He was sending $100-400 monthly, even $600 a couple months, which was put into an account for them. I don't care that he stopped sending money (it does irritate me that it's for tattoo stuff as opposed to getting a house or car). So anyways, I told him no way will he get them every other week. My son has learning disabilities & is starting school soon & my daughter doesn't like him. Last time he had them, they said they didn't want to go back & my son explained a huge scratch across his back by saying my ex threw a dog on him. They came back in dirty clothes, with a bag of clothes my son had an accident in. He never has accidents here & was only there for one night. I digress, so to get to the point, I told him we'll just have to go to court over this as I do no agree to him taking them every other week suddenly. In all reality, I doubt he'd do it. He's said this kind of stuff before but I need to protect my kids. I DO NOT want to cut him out of their lives (although I feel they are not a priority to him nor or the safe in his unsupervised care). He threatened me w/ his crooked ass lawyer aunt. They WILL lie in court. I have texts & emails where he says he doesn't want the kids anymore, where he says he wants to kill himself, my family has seen he be physically abusive to me (although most recently was 2 yrs ago, does that still matter in court?), his last house was disgusting (like a room full of dog shit, dirty dishes overflowing from the sink onto the counters, old food & trash everywhere disgusting), he barely to never makes an attempt to see how they are doing or talk to them-just randomly decides every 3-6 mths he wants to see them & calls a couple days ahead of time, he parties often and could not pass a drug test, last I knew he was working full time so only has 2 days off but can't afford daycare nor do I want them in daycare there (he wants me to come w/, stay with friends & then babysit for him while he works on his weeks) and often speaks me to violently & calls me a slew of nasty names pretty much any time we talk. I have witnesses, email & texts. He has his lies, no proof of anything (unless he'll go as far as to forge or fake something, I wouldn't put it past him). However, he is getting [crooked] legal advice & I'm worried somehow his lies will trump my proof. I want a safety-focused parenting plan w/ either supervised visits or local, no over-nights at most 2 days or 1 supervised overnight a month. A great motivator for him to fight me in court is not his desire to be with his kids, he likes the attention & has his family pushing for it. From what I understand, he's not fighting against my proposed parenting plan, he wants to fight me for full custody. I feel pretty confident that won't happen, but I've never been to court for anything & know very little, besides what I've found on google, about custody battles. Please help! Advice, personal experiences with it, anything. TIA

Bob Wehadababyitsaboy 3 kids; 4 angel babies; California 30165 posts
13th Jan '13

Proof wins over hearsay bullshit any day in court. Have you heard the court saying "it's not what you know it's what you can prove" Just make sure you bring all the evidence you have against him and im pretty sure the judge will rule in your favor.

Boobo&bugs 2 kids; Simpsonville, South Carolina 7824 posts
13th Jan '13

With us the father fought for full custody. A few years later he eventually got 50/50. He did have supervised visits at first. But eventually he proved to the court they weren't needed. I'm not sure about what would happen for you though because he has been absent for such long periods of time. If he gets a lawyer I'd get one too. I'd actually get a lawyer anyway though. They are very helpful.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23061 posts
13th Jan '13

I will tell you what happened when I was younger. My biological father dipped out of my life for 3 years. Didnt seen child support (even though he was ordered) didn't contact us, nothing. Then 3 years later he waltzed back into our lives and the courts ruled that we HAD to go with him. So we went with him for a weekend, then 4 weeks in the summer then 6 weeks the next summer. All the while not paying child support.



And I've known of cases recently of the same thing or similar thing happening.

Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
13th Jan '13
Quoting Bob Wehadababyitsaboy:" Proof wins over hearsay bullshit any day in court. Have you heard the court saying "it's not what you ... [snip!] ... can prove" Just make sure you bring all the evidence you have against him and im pretty sure the judge will rule in your favor."


Thanks. I would definitely think that proof matters more but I hear people talk about how they lost court because an ex said this or that. I'm just freaked out, I was over-think and dwell too much on the worst possible outcome :/

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
13th Jan '13

Ur best bet would be use the drug use as ur main concern, ask for drug test, even if his lawyers crooked, u can hve him test and the lab will send results to court,



If u don't already have a custody agreement go to court and file full custody,
If the abuse was never documented by cops, with reports and all that stuff its ur word against his, they hardly care what each of ur guys family has seen, every1 could lie in court I would just be a waste without docs, and police reports or dr.s notes...
My ex is mma fighter we used to fight like crazy I could tell u stories all night, but I nevr called cops on him, it didn't hold up in court for nothing
Cs has nothing to do with custody :( or visitations, my sons almost 7 and his father hasn't paid 1 penny towards dean... I pay medical ins, tuition, and extra ciric activities... his dad got 3 weekends a month thru courts...

Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
13th Jan '13
Quoting kate & tilly:" With us the father fought for full custody. A few years later he eventually got 50/50. He did have supervised ... [snip!] ... such long periods of time. If he gets a lawyer I'd get one too. I'd actually get a lawyer anyway though. They are very helpful."


Thanks for the advice. I'll definitely be getting a lawyer. I'm just worried his aunts going to hook him up w/ crooked lawyers. I'm going to this honest & with all my proof and witnesses. I have nothing to hide, but I'm just worried somehow he'll get what he wants. He's very convincing & and great at manipulating people.

Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
13th Jan '13
Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" I will tell you what happened when I was younger. My biological father dipped out of my life for 3 years. ... [snip!] ... All the while not paying child support. And I've known of cases recently of the same thing or similar thing happening."


That's exactly what I'm worried about! The idea of my kids being with him for 4 weeks, unless he really gets his stuff together, is so scary. I'm sorry you had to go through that :( I've heard similar things and that even if the kids don't want to go they have to. it's really sad.

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
13th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting HopingforaMiracle:</b>" I will tell you what happened when I was younger. My biological father dipped out of my life for 3 years. ... [snip!] ... All the while not paying child support. And I've known of cases recently of the same thing or similar thing happening."</blockquote>




Happened with us too :( dean was 3 years old
never seen david except when he was in jail when dean was 9 months or so, came out of prison, won 50/50 eventually didn't have to pay child support, and 3 years later its still the same,
I kiss his ass now for more time with dean, its so sad... but I'll do it to have my baby home...

Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
13th Jan '13
Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" Ur best bet would be use the drug use as ur main concern, ask for drug test, even if his lawyers crooked, ... [snip!] ... 1 penny towards dean... I pay medical ins, tuition, and extra ciric activities... his dad got 3 weekends a month thru courts..."


I'm sorry you had/have to go through all that :( Unfortunately, I've never called the cops either. I will definitely ask for a drug test though if that'll help my case. Do you think the distance (3 hrs) will effect how much time he gets? I'm worried he'll get longer visitation less often. Like I want it to be basically 1 weekend a month, but I'm worried since he lives so far they'll do like 2 weeks every other month or more

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23061 posts
13th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brody & Astoria's Mama!:</b>" That's exactly what I'm worried about! The idea of my kids being with him for 4 weeks, unless he really ... [snip!] ... had to go through that :( I've heard similar things and that even if the kids don't want to go they have to. it's really sad."</blockquote>




Thank you. I'm over it. I got adopted after the second summer by my dad and well the rest is history :) we did not want to go at all. I hated going. We didnt even know his name at first. But I really hope it doesn't happen to your kids

Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
13th Jan '13
Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Brody & Astoria's Mama!:</b>" That's exactly what I'm worried ... [snip!] ... not want to go at all. I hated going. We didnt even know his name at first. But I really hope it doesn't happen to your kids"


I'm happy it turned out well for you :D Thank you, I hope so too.

Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
13th Jan '13
Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting HopingforaMiracle:</b>" I will tell you what happened when I ... [snip!] ... later its still the same, I kiss his ass now for more time with dean, its so sad... but I'll do it to have my baby home..."


Aw :( I know that feeling, I've always tried to be really nice with my ex just so he wouldn't pull this kind of stuff but of course he does anyways :/ I hope it works out for you & you get more time w/ your son!

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23061 posts
13th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brody & Astoria's Mama!:</b>" I'm happy it turned out well for you :D Thank you, I hope so too. "</blockquote>




:D

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
13th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brody & Astoria's Mama!:</b>" I'm sorry you had/have to go through all that :( Unfortunately, I've never called the cops either. I ... [snip!] ... it to be basically 1 weekend a month, but I'm worried since he lives so far they'll do like 2 weeks every other month or more"</blockquote>




We live about 2 hours away from eachother, they just had us meet in the middle, we had to do it at a police station, take dean in and we had mediators do the drop offs because me and him were so bad with eachother,
1st time we went to court *together* they escorted me out, I fucken flipped, he lied and lied if it wasn't for my lawyer I think they would have arrested me,
He pulled the drug card on me, and didn't even have to show proof,
they gave him full custody till I did drug test, once I passed hair folicle
they gave dean back, but this is only because we never had *ANY* custody agreeent, so I couldn't even say *oh dean dosnt know him,*
Because I couldn't prove the baby didn't know him all david had to say was *yes I do* :roll: no bullshit...



If u go and file, u have upper hand, he filed 1st and waved that damn
drug card, from then on I was a p***e o* s**t to judge till I passed hair folicle, and ask specifically for that, because it goes back pretty far back, the 1 I did went back 6 months, if he dosnt pass ur going to be in great position, u can ask for random testing, and ask for out patient drug rehab, parenting classes for him...