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Having a baby after PPD Flower84 Due August 21; United Kingdom 57 posts
17th Jan '13

How has this affected your bond with your oldest child?

I hated my first pregnancy ....it was terrible and we spent a long time in NICU...as we were both in IC, i didnt see him until a week later and held him two weeks after his birth... I didnt bond with him at all...my DH did the night shift once he came home and my MIL looked after him during the day....i didnt even want to BF. All i wanted to do was sleep and hated the thought of being alone with him.

So it was a shock when i got pregnant again...this time everything went well and he was given to me right away, i felt an instant connection and knew wholeheartedly i loved him and from the start i did everything. i loved everything about being a mother.

As i am finding myself again in the mothering role...i am feeling guilty i didnt do all this for my oldest son. I still find that he goes to his father more and doesnt really connect with me, although i do read to him and do things with him. I feel like our relationship will always be impaired, i do love him but everytime i look at him i feel guilt.

how has a second baby affected your relationship with your other child and has it been better second time round? how do u bond with a child u have always distanced yourself from and do you think the child will remember? my oldest is 20 months now, and i am worried that he and me will always be poles apart.

Clk 2 kids; Dexter, Michigan 11945 posts
17th Jan '13

I had PPD with our first, didn't bond with her until she was nearly six months old. Spent a lot of time crying, and very fortunate my husband completely understood. He was the one I yelled at, he just took it and also hugged me when I cried.



Anyways, with our second I bonded right away, and controlled PPD with placenta pills.. Did feel some guilt about it. It's something that I had to take a step back from and remind myself that my PPD with our first was not my fault. That our oldest is now a very loved, happy, healthy toddler. That the past is the past.



My relationship with both our daughters is strong, I love them both.

BakingBean2 2 kids; Ohio 2247 posts
17th Jan '13

My mom and I were just talking about this last night, because my biggest fear in becoming a parent of two is I'll favor one over the other, and I don't want that. We then started talking about our relationship, my little sister had a lot of issues growing up and my mom almost started crying and said she never loved her more, and she hopes I never felt that way, which I didn't with her..... My dad clearly favored my little sister more, they were always hunting and fishing and going places together and I was left home with mom... I never didn't love my dad, I was just closer with my mom. Now that i'm an adult I feel that he has realized this and has tried making up for it. My dad and I are closer than ever. I was the only daughter who got a Christmas present from just him...there are three of us, including me. It's a bracelet that was engraved to say 'A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend.' My dad has become one of my best friends, both my parents have. I don't think it will effect him the rest of his life, if you make an effort, which it sounds like you are..... :)

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
17th Jan '13

no matter the circumstances a child will end up choosing a parent or even a grandparent to have a closer bond with. I was the main care taker of all of my children as newborns and infants (breastfed, coslept, bathed them, etc...) 3 of our 6 are closer w/me and 3 are closer w/daddy. All of them have different favorite grandparents and aunts/uncles......its nothing to be worried about.
I am the oldest of 5 kids 3 of us are ''closer'' to my dad , the other 2 closer w/our mom.