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marriage Lil Michael's Mommy 1 child; Taylors, South Carolina 106 posts
17th Jan '13

I got into a discussion about my relationship with my grandma the other day. She asked now that my SO is off house arrest and he can move from where he was living if we were going to get married and live together. I told her we were going to live together and work on our relationship and raise our son, but probably won't get married b/c my SO is opposed to marriage. I am not opposed to getting married. She told me that it's wrong to live together and not get married that it would make people look down on us and think badly about us. I told her that was an old notion that I knew plenty of people who live together (with or without kids) for long periods of time without being (or ever getting) married. What are your thoughts on this? Anyone have a similar situation?
On a side note... My SO is opposed to marriage cause he says "I don't think I should have to pay the government to love someone" and he is afraid of divorce cause the only couple he has known not to get a divorce is his grandparents.

Heather ♥ 3 kids; Miami, Florida 2427 posts
17th Jan '13

who cares what anybody else thinks?

Amelia [26 wks Boy!] Due July 20; 4 angel babies; Tallahassee, Florida 14362 posts
17th Jan '13

Does he have insurance? If he does that would be reason enough for me to want to be married even if I was opposed to marriage.

The Pretty Poodle™ 1 child; Illinois 7341 posts
17th Jan '13

I think its smart to live together for a bit prior to getting married....however I personally would not be with someone, have children with them, and just live together unmarried for no set amount of time.

LoveMyBubbaBoy 2 kids; Michigan 3187 posts
17th Jan '13

I'm totally traditional. DH and I were married before living together and enjoying the "fun stuff" lol. However, I have NEVER looked down or judged someone who does things differently than I do. :)

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18092 posts
17th Jan '13

I don't think not getting married looks bad, but there are positives to getting married too. Marriage protects you in case you do break up one day. Say you're together for 5 years, then split, if you were married all debts and property would be split evenly so no one got screwed. If you don't get married, you may not have that same safety net.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
17th Jan '13

My Dh used to say those type of thing too - he got over it. I wouldn't have kids with him without the marriage. I was okay to live together until then though & didn't care...but I wanted to legal commitment before a family. You aren't paying the government to love someone, you pay a small fee to have it registered & then be able to have the legal benefits that marriage entitles you to. But whatever, it's up to you. I will say though, if YOU want to be married, then he should honor that & marry you instead of insulting marriage in general as if it's some farce & means nothing.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18092 posts
17th Jan '13

Also, I would never ever marry someone without living with them first.

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 14991 posts
17th Jan '13

I don't care if people are married or not. But, being married does have a lot of legal benefits. A marriage license isn't that expensive. He paid more in fines for whatever he did to be on house arrest than he would for a marriage, so it's kind of an invalid argument.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
17th Jan '13
Quoting Lil Michael's Mommy:" I got into a discussion about my relationship with my grandma the other day. She asked now that my SO ... [snip!] ... to love someone" and he is afraid of divorce cause the only couple he has known not to get a divorce is his grandparents."


I think it's a personal choice.



To me, being married before we tried for kids was important. We got married because it was something we wanted to do. Not everyone feels that way,.



Do people look down on not being married? Sure, but it's a lot more common now so it's less of an issue, but a lot of people do still look down on it.



There are a lot of legal reasons to marry as well, such as having a lot of rights you wouldn't otherwise have. I don't believe it ruins relationships, those that divorce I think would have separated even if they hadn't been married.

M walls 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7267 posts
17th Jan '13

Me & SO have lived together 5 years and have no plans to get married. I've been divorcedonce & SO has been divorced twice. Personally I wouldn't mind but he is totally anti marriage

ßlack Rose ♥ 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Sharon, Oklahoma 5335 posts
17th Jan '13

My grandmother believes the same thing. She didn't approve of my husband because he wasn't the birth father to my first and what I was doing was a sin and I should go back to my ex even though he abused me because I should be with my child's sperm donor. :roll: I lived with my DH for 3 months before we got married.
As long as you want to live with him and he wants you there, that's all that matters. Many things have changed since your grandmother's time.

Lil Michael's Mommy 1 child; Taylors, South Carolina 106 posts
17th Jan '13

Yes, He has great insurance through his job. (I would love to be on his plan lol) I wanna get married b/c of all the benefits it will provide for our family. I have tried to talk to him about how I feel and everytime he just makes me feel stupid for caring so much.

Zeke's Mama Due September 26; 1 child; Pensacola, Florida 5155 posts
17th Jan '13

Would I live with someone if we weren't married? No, but there's nothing wrong with doing so.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
17th Jan '13
Quoting Lil Michael's Mommy:" Yes, He has great insurance through his job. (I would love to be on his plan lol) I wanna get married ... [snip!] ... for our family. I have tried to talk to him about how I feel and everytime he just makes me feel stupid for caring so much."

See THAT is what would bother me in the living arrangement, not what others think. Dh never made me feel stupid, he did try to get me to see it from his POV...and I did, for 9 years I let it go, when ti came time to talk family he had to see my POV or it's happening in my uterus. ;) He certainly can't think it is stupid that you'd like insurance.