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Adoption of family member ~Gone~ 1 child; Long Beach, California 193 posts
18th Jan '13

We would love to adopt my fiance 3rd cousins baby, she is 16 and she is not really to be a mother and not ready to give up her teenage years and she has told us she would like us to adopt the baby, we are going to a lawyer today with her and the father to see what we can do into trying to get the baby. The baby is due in June and we are due with our baby in March, I am really hoping we can adopt the baby!
Any advice or anything I should know with adopting a family member ?

M walls 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7267 posts
18th Jan '13

Im assuming that when the babys born she can sign over guardianship to you guys. They you will have to go to court to formally adopt the baby

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
18th Jan '13

Are they 100% firm on their decision? Both the BM and the BF?



Adoptions can be such blessings, but if anyone is unsure of the matter, it can lead to a roller coaster of emotions.



I hope everything works out well! You are going to have your hands full. I would suggest gathering some reading material on twins because it might better prepare you for having two so close in age. Sounds like a much larger challenge than having just one.



You and the natural both need to figure out what type of a relationship they wish to have with the baby after its birth. Open adoptions allow for contact at your discretion. Can also allow for regular visitation. Something along those lines might be best since they are family an will be on your lives. But then that might be uncomfortable for the child



How often do you see them?



Closed adoptions allow no contact. Of course, as the child ages and if he/she requests contact, you can always allow for this.



Either way, it's all at your discretion until baby becomes an adult.



I hope the best for you!

M walls 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7267 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Safka9973:" Are they 100% firm on their decision? Both the BM and the BF? Adoptions can be such blessings, but ... [snip!] ... can always allow for this. Either way, it's all at your discretion until baby becomes an adult. I hope the best for you!"


My cousin has a daughter who was adopted out (CPS took her due to drug use) and my cousin is allowed to see her once every couple years, but she is NOT allowed to tell the little girl who she is. The family sends her pics & updates once in awhile. I think it would be hard to visit your child and not be able to hug & kiss her & have to act like a stranger

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
18th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Misty Walls:</b>" My cousin has a daughter who was adopted out (CPS took her due to drug use) and my cousin is allowed ... [snip!] ... in awhile. I think it would be hard to visit your child and not be able to hug & kiss her & have to act like a stranger"</blockquote>




Exactly! How could you have a relationship with a child you gave up? It would be awkward to tell them who you were, probably hurt the child, and if they didn't know, I could just imagine intense guilt coupled with motherly desires to parent. I could see myself harassing the adoptive parents. Telling them how to do things. Thinking they weren't doing things right. Aiaiaiai.
Not saying OP will face this. Just that I would probably be a nightmare to deal with.

~Gone~ 1 child; Long Beach, California 193 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Safka9973:" Are they 100% firm on their decision? Both the BM and the BF? Adoptions can be such blessings, but ... [snip!] ... can always allow for this. Either way, it's all at your discretion until baby becomes an adult. I hope the best for you!"


They are 100% sure they want us to have her, we have talked about it and she does not want an open adoption, she would only see the baby at family gatherings and holidays with family (only time she would want to she the baby)
I will definitely get some books on twins

M walls 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7267 posts
18th Jan '13

Good luck OP. Its nice that your doing this for your cousin and the baby

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
18th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kaila ( 33wks ]:</b>" They are 100% sure they want us to have her, we have talked about it and she does not want an open adoption, ... [snip!] ... gatherings and holidays with family (only time she would want to she the baby) I will definitely get some books on twins "</blockquote>



Well that sounds reasonable. Just make sure you are all on the same page and everything should go fine provided they stay commuted to their decision.



What a wonderful thing for you to do! And how fun to have two siblings so close in age!

~Gone~ 1 child; Long Beach, California 193 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Misty Walls:" Good luck OP. Its nice that your doing this for your cousin and the baby"


Thank you :)