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Annoyed with LO dad Mummy :) 1 child; 1 angel baby; United Kingdom 997 posts
18th Jan '13

Me and my daughters father split up over 7 months ago. We had an arrangement which was that he would have her every other weekend friday-sunday. Even since this has been agreed he has done nothing but let her down most weekends he is due to have her. I've tried talking to him about this numerous times with no success, he continues back into his old ways. The last time he seen her was over 2 months ago and I would like to change her surname to mine as he is not active within her life. How do I go about changing this, he will fight me to prevent the surname change.

S U Z I E 3 kids; Venezuela 18556 posts
18th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mummy :):</b>" Me and my daughters father split up over 7 months ago. We had an arrangement which was that he would ... [snip!] ... to mine as he is not active within her life. How do I go about changing this, he will fight me to prevent the surname change. "</blockquote>




If he is on the birth certificate then you need his permission...

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36498 posts
18th Jan '13

Dont bother, dont ask him when hes going to get her. Dont tell her when hes coming. So when he does come its a surprise. There is no reason to change her last name if its going to be a fight.

Mummy :) 1 child; 1 angel baby; United Kingdom 997 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting S U Z I E:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mummy :):</b>" Me and my daughters father split up over 7 months ... [snip!] ... me to prevent the surname change. "</blockquote> If he is on the birth certificate then you need his permission..."


Even if he never sees her and has zero involvement in her life?

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42775 posts
18th Jan '13

If he's on the birth certificate there's really not anything you can do if he fights it.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42775 posts
18th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mummy :):</b>" Even if he never sees her and has zero involvement in her life?"</blockquote>




2 months between visits is not "zero involvement". even if he hadn't seen her since you split it wouldn't matter, 7 months isn't very long.

Mummy :) 1 child; 1 angel baby; United Kingdom 997 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mummy :):</b>" Even if he never sees her and has zero involvement ... [snip!] ... visits is not "zero involvement". even if he hadn't seen her since you split it wouldn't matter, 7 months isn't very long."


I just don't want him floating in and out of her life, I want routine and structure for her. So she knows every other weekend I go off to my dads, of course the odd weekend he may not be able to do for whatever reasons but letting her down this much is not fair.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42775 posts
18th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mummy :):</b>" I just don't want him floating in and out of her life, I want routine and structure for her. So she ... [snip!] ... to my dads, of course the odd weekend he may not be able to do for whatever reasons but letting her down this much is not fair."</blockquote>



She's not even 18 months old. She doesn't comprehend time like that.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36498 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Mummy :):" I just don't want him floating in and out of her life, I want routine and structure for her. So she ... [snip!] ... to my dads, of course the odd weekend he may not be able to do for whatever reasons but letting her down this much is not fair."


Like I said, dont tell her when he is expected to come.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36498 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mummy :):</b>" I just don't want him floating in and out of ... [snip!] ... her down this much is not fair."</blockquote> She's not even 18 months old. She doesn't comprehend time like that."


:!::!::!::!:

Mummy :) 1 child; 1 angel baby; United Kingdom 997 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mummy :):</b>" I just don't want him floating in and out of ... [snip!] ... her down this much is not fair."</blockquote> She's not even 18 months old. She doesn't comprehend time like that."

Whatever age she is he should still have some part to play in her life, fair enough if he doesn't want any thing to do with her ill accept that and so on, but to continuously make plans and change them last minute is tiring and annoying. If he is letting her down now even when she has no concept of time etc, it doesn't give me much faith for the future when she does understand whats going on.

Amy Packer 1 child; Battle Creek, Michigan 533 posts
18th Jan '13

If he doesn't fight it really you just file with the courts to change her name..it can be annoying, time consuming and cost you money to do it. I had my name changed a few times (when my ex step father adopted me, then again when he went to prision and we took his rights away) the paperwork is very annoying and it seems to take forever and atleast here its pretty expensive if I remember right, but if he fights it then I doubt you'd be able to unless you had just cause (like no contact for a few years, I think like 5 or something) the floating in and out you can't change without having full custody..sorry hopefully he will grow up and be a dad before shes old enough to remember it

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36498 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Mummy :):" Whatever age she is he should still have some part to play in her life, fair enough if he doesn't want ... [snip!] ... even when she has no concept of time etc, it doesn't give me much faith for the future when she does understand whats going on."


So what... Seriously. I know how it feels. Dont tell her. Dont get yourself all wrapped up in this. Let him do whatever. Age DOES matter, she doesnt know it, she doesnt ask. And if it really bothers you a lot, then take him to court so it is court ordered, and keep track of when he backs out and then after sometime [6 months - 12 months] then take him back and show them that he is canceling and he doesnt really want anything to do with his daughter.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36498 posts
18th Jan '13
Quoting Amy Packer:" If he doesn't fight it really you just file with the courts to change her name..it can be annoying, time ... [snip!] ... can't change without having full custody..sorry hopefully he will grow up and be a dad before shes old enough to remember it"


A lot of places its between 1 to 2 years.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42775 posts
18th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mummy :):</b>" Whatever age she is he should still have some part to play in her life, fair enough if he doesn't want ... [snip!] ... even when she has no concept of time etc, it doesn't give me much faith for the future when she does understand whats going on."</blockquote>



Doesn't sound much like he's letting her down so much as he's letting YOU down. Your kid isn't the one who knows the difference, you are.
Just don't tell her when she's supposed to go.