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Bittersweet Situation xMoMMY LiSAx 21 kids; San Diego, California 81 posts
19th Jan '13

Three days ago my grandmother suffered a stroke. She's unable to swallow at all and had an advance directive in place stating she does not want a feeding tube or any other life saving devices in addition to signing a DNR. So tomorrow she's being released into hospice home care. The doctor's say she has a few days to a little under two weeks to live, she's literally starving to death. I haven't seen her for over a year because she lives in Texas while I live in California. I wasn't able to go see her once we heard the news because I'm over 35 weeks pregnant and my OB isn't allowing me to travel.



While my doctor's orders are frustrating, I understand them completely and have no argument- especially since I'm a repeat c-section. But, since I can't see my grandmother before she passes, I've been thinking of something special for her instead. So please read the next paragraphs and give me your opinions. I want everyone to be honest, but please keep it respectful- not hateful or mean. I'm having a really rough time and I'm worked up enough as it is.



This will be my fifth child. All of my children have been born early: #1 @ 36 weeks 6 days, #2 @ 36 weeks 4 days, #3 @ 36 weeks 1 day, and #4 @ 35 weeks exactly. All of my children were perfectly healthy. Today I am 35 weeks 4 days and over a month ago I received my steroid shot to increase the lung development for my daughter. By all testing and monitoring (I've been having weekly ultrasounds and NSTs) my daughter is doing fantastic.



My idea is to ask my OB to perform my c section this coming week. I'll be over 36 weeks, so almost considered to term. I want my grandmother to be able to see my daughter before she passes even if it's only through pictures. She's been so excited this whole pregnancy and it's really hard knowing she could pass away before seeing my baby.



Anyway, what does everyone think? IF MY DOCTOR AGREES OF COURSE!

user banned Vancouver, British Columbia 5643 posts
19th Jan '13

Why aren't they giving her a feeding tube? She may have had a stroke but she will feel the starving pains and could know exactly what's happening. It's extremely inhumane.

A&J. ♥ 1 child; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 5613 posts
19th Jan '13

It's hard... I know why it's important to see it all the way through and give your baby the chance to get as much baking time as possible. But if I were in your shoes I don't know what I'd do. :( sorry OP

Mann Makin' Mama[BBM] 18 kids; Dalton, Georgia 11563 posts
20th Jan '13

Idk what I would do in that situation, but I'm not sure I could go for an elective csection at 36 weeks.
My grandmother had a stroke when I was pregnant with my eldest, I spent a week in the hospital with her & they brought a Doppler in so she could hear her first great grandsons heartbeat for the first time.



Is it possible that they could give her a feeding tube so she isn't starving?




My grandma and pawpaw both have DNR's, the doctors/nurses can't recesitate, but I know how and I will. I know that sounds bad lol.

xMoMMY LiSAx 21 kids; San Diego, California 81 posts
20th Jan '13
Quoting Nathaniel'sMom:" Why aren't they giving her a feeding tube? She may have had a stroke but she will feel the starving pains and could know exactly what's happening. It's extremely inhumane."


She saw her mother go through the same thing and pass. Then my grandfather as well. So she signed the paperwork forgoing that option. The family can't go against it and even if they could, they want to respect her wishes. We all feel it's not right, but it's what's she's wanted for years.

His momma! Due May 28 (boy); 1 child; San Antonio, Texas 328 posts
20th Jan '13

I honestly would put all my positive energy hoping for a miracle. :)

xMoMMY LiSAx 21 kids; San Diego, California 81 posts
20th Jan '13
Quoting Mann Makin' Mama[BBM]:" Idk what I would do in that situation, but I'm not sure I could go for an elective csection at 36 weeks. ... [snip!] ... grandma and pawpaw both have DNR's, the doctors/nurses can't recesitate, but I know how and I will. I know that sounds bad lol."


She won't allow them to give her a feeding tube :( It's in her advanced directive.

user banned Vancouver, British Columbia 5643 posts
20th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting xMoMMY LiSAx:</b>" She saw her mother go through the same thing and pass. Then my grandfather as well. So she signed the ... [snip!] ... it and even if they could, they want to respect her wishes. We all feel it's not right, but it's what's she's wanted for years."</blockquote>




Is there any way she can communicate still? Just incase she changes her mind?

S U Z I E 3 kids; Venezuela 18566 posts
20th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Nathaniel'sMom:</b>" Why aren't they giving her a feeding tube? She may have had a stroke but she will feel the starving pains and could know exactly what's happening. It's extremely inhumane."</blockquote>




Because she made an advanced directive requesting to not have a feeding tube?

xMoMMY LiSAx 21 kids; San Diego, California 81 posts
20th Jan '13
Quoting Nathaniel'sMom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting xMoMMY LiSAx:</b>" She saw her mother go through the same thing ... [snip!] ... she's wanted for years."</blockquote> Is there any way she can communicate still? Just incase she changes her mind?"


Yes. For the time being she's coherent enough. She understands what's going on and is able to mumble/slur a few words here and there. She was able to say love you too when I called her, but it was really difficult to hear.. that was more emotional on my part than my actual hearing. When she can't speak my family has to ask her yes or no questions and she'll squeeze someone's hand to answer.

user banned Vancouver, British Columbia 5643 posts
20th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting xMoMMY LiSAx:</b>" Yes. For the time being she's coherent enough. She understands what's going on and is able to mumble/slur ... [snip!] ... actual hearing. When she can't speak my family has to ask her yes or no questions and she'll squeeze someone's hand to answer."</blockquote>




Okay that's good