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I don't know what to do (vent), advice please ashley + 2 2 kids; Nebraska 1658 posts
20th Jan '13

I'm so tired of my marriage. I have the same conversation with my husband daily I swear. I feel completely ignored. He either is dicking around on his phone or just straight up ignoring me. He works a full time job and I'm in school full time so I get we're both busy. But good lord, he doesn't do anything I swear other than what he wants to do. Like today, I said can we please go to church, do our running, and then come home and get stuff cleaned up. He agreed (like he always does) but when we came home he put our daughter for a nap and then went in our room and watched the walking dead for 2 hours while I paid bills, made out our budget and cleaned. He's super short with the kids, it's like they can't do anything right. He never used to be like this but for the past few years it's like he's become the most selfish person on earth. I don't know how to get through to him. I want to be happy again but I'm just miserable. I'm constantly in a funk. I'm exhausted from doing everything around the house and harass him to be nicer to the kids. Everything I do, he criticizes. I can never do anything right. If he needs something I'll just grab it when I'm at the store, but it's NEVER the right thing, even though it's exactly what he needed. He just finds a reason to belittle me. I just don't know what to do. I want to make it work but I don't know if that's possible. I'm about to pack up my kids and go stay with my parents for a week hoping that will be a reality check.

Lauralie89 3 kids; Pennsylvania 2244 posts
20th Jan '13

Just do it. It may be the reality check that he needs to straighten up and stop being that way.

Jane.Doe. Fukushima, Japan 2805 posts
20th Jan '13

It's possible! Sometimes that is what it takes. You can also look into couples counseling and see if he would be willing to work on the issues you guys are having together which would be good, it works great for some people :)

Red Rover Due February 25; 16 kids; California 1802 posts
20th Jan '13

Have you guys tried some kind of marriage counseling?

ashley + 2 2 kids; Nebraska 1658 posts
20th Jan '13

We've tried counseling and it didn't really help. He would have this aha moment and kiss my ass for a day and then just stop. He's become his father and I don't want to live the rest of my life like this :cry: I feel so hopeless.

ashley + 2 2 kids; Nebraska 1658 posts
20th Jan '13

Plus, he brushes the things off like they're no big deal and half the time turns them around on me.

...lll 1 child; Rutland, Vermont 1400 posts
20th Jan '13

sounds like he's tired of it too. you could go the counselling route but i dont know many guys that would jump on it. Most my friends that did the therapy and counselling ended up getting divorced.

ashley + 2 2 kids; Nebraska 1658 posts
20th Jan '13
Quoting Krystie Wood:" sounds like he's tired of it too. you could go the counselling route but i dont know many guys that would jump on it. Most my friends that did the therapy and counselling ended up getting divorced. "

Wow, that was inspirational.

Red Rover Due February 25; 16 kids; California 1802 posts
20th Jan '13

Well if you have exhausted all your options then I think its time for you to move on mama.
My mom told me when I was having a hard time during my marriage that you have to "earn" your way out of a marriage (besides abuse of any sort) as in when you leave there is no more feeling. You know you tried your best did everything you could do and that later when you turn around you can wipe your hands clean with no shame on your end because you have did all you could. Sounds like that's the point you have hit.

ashley + 2 2 kids; Nebraska 1658 posts
20th Jan '13
Quoting Red Rover:" Well if you have exhausted all your options then I think its time for you to move on mama. My mom told ... [snip!] ... wipe your hands clean with no shame on your end because you have did all you could. Sounds like that's the point you have hit."

:cry: I don't want to leave. That's the problem. I just want him to give a damn again. It's like he has become the most selfish person lately. We still have good times but not very many. I just am so lost.

Red Rover Due February 25; 16 kids; California 1802 posts
20th Jan '13
Quoting ashley + 2:" :cry: I don't want to leave. That's the problem. I just want him to give a damn again. It's like he has ... [snip!] ... again. It's like he has become the most selfish person lately. We still have good times but not very many. I just am so lost."

I so understand..then its not time to leave. Its going to suck for while and hurt but you have to keep trying till you cant try anymore. I know people say no body should ever endure that in a marriage but that's why many fail. Because they give up too easy and think they must be happy 24/7. It takes work and its HARD. I watched my parents. They are hitting 30 years this year. My dad was a drug addict and an asshole. Left my mom with two kids to raise. But she wasn't done with the realationship and this went on for 15 years. My dad has been sober for 12 years now and their marriage is pretty awesome. Took SOOO much work and even kinda made my brother and I suffer a bit. But now that we are older we very much appreciate the example they gave us. But its ultimately your choice on how you want it to go. I wish you the best of luck. Keep being persistent. He hast to open his eyes sometime or another.