The 18th dd2 turned 2 and her party was the 19th at MILs. My mom and family live 10+hrs away, but MILs side lives here in town so they're very involved with our girls. The 18th my mom forgot dd2s bday but was "kind" enough to leave a nasty fb post about baby's crib bedding set. She said "Omg! K-- (my initials) I effing HATE it!" No happy birthday to dd2, no how are you doing? Just that. I ignored it. The 19th rolls around and I'm at dd2s party when I get a private fb msg from my mom saying "another year and I'm f**king left out again". No happy birthday, tell her I love her, nothing again. I ignored it and tried to carry on celebrating my kid's day. What she meant per usual is that I didn't call her during the celebration to make sure she was "involved." The girls spent the night at MILs and hubby and I went to church, storage to clean up, and were super busy the 20th. After the girls came home that day I called my mom so she could talk to dd2. I didn't mention the fb stuff, figured I'd let it slide. She didn't say happy birthday, nothing like that on the phone just what you doing? how are the girls? gotta go I'm at work. Tonight (21st) she calls to talk to the girls but dd2 was napping, dd1 was jumping on the bed so I was frustrated to begin with. Mom says "so that phone call yesterday isn't gonna cut it". oh no here we go I think. She goes on and on about how she missed the kid's bday, missed xmas, every year it's the same thing and "so what are we gonna do about it K?" like it's MY responsibility to "fix" it. I said Idk but that's how life is- kids grow up, get married and move away and have kids of their own and live in different states (I'm 27!) Idk what she wants me to "do" about it. She goes on about how she's hurt, and I need to look at it from her perspective (which I do every f**king time). I brought up dd1s 1st bday and how I had to leave my daughter eating her cake, opening gifts, to "check" on my mom to make sure she wasn't feeling "left out" like f**king usual. She says "how come his (hubby's) family is always there at the bdays?" REALLY!?? We threw a huge party that yr bc everyone came from outta town including FIL and my family. Apparently I shouldn't have invited anyone else just her. WTF!? She said she's hurt and it's not fair she misses everything while MIL and her family get to spend time with my kids. "Her kids" is how she put it, bc to her I'm hers and so my kids are hers and shouldn't be anyone else's. She's super super jealous and always has been. I'm so fed up with it! She said it's MY fault she's missing out and that I should be the one to fix it for her. NOT ONCE did she say anything other than "do you know how I must feel? Do you realize what I miss out on? How come you don't care how I'm feeling left out?"- I, I, I, I, I!!!! That's all it is from her. I'm f**king sick and tired of it! It all has to center around her!! At FILs funeral she got pissed off that dd1 didn't want to hug her bc she was playing with my other FIL, so she stomped off outside and I had to f**king go check on her. Listen to her b***h and cry how it's not "fair" she doesn't get to see the kid but my other FIL sees her every weekend and since she was there then how come the other FIL was playing with dd1? Mom said on the phone tonight that "we go through this every year" and I said "yeah we do and look! dd1s bday is in two months so we'll go through it again" and she said "you're damn right we will I'm tired of being left out and ignored". .... She's ignored? Really? She calls 4+ times a f**king day to talk about HER problems, HER life, HER miserable existence, and I listen to all of it. When I talk about what's going on with me, she ignores me like pauses for 10-15 mins and tells me what she found online... WTF! just wanted to vent... I got more but this is long enough already. If anyone read that, thanks.
I would tell her to grow the f**k up. I dont know how you have tolerated that for as long as you have.
:shock: Um, f**k that. It's not your job to make sure she comes and visits your kids. We're in the opposite boat here. MIL and FIL live further away than my mom and so my mom sees DS more often, but they don't b***h about it like that. They know if they want to see him they're probably going to have to come to town because we don't have the gas money to drive out there all the time. Tell your mom to grow the f**k up and back off. I would just ACTUALLY start ignoring her and see how much she likes that.
Sounds like my MIL. Always having stabs that my mum knows the kids better than she does, but doesn't do anything to actually make an effort to be involved in their lives or getting to know them, then wonders why they don't fall all over her when they see her. I understand your frustration.
I would simply say "If you don't like it, you make an effort to change it. Nothing is stopping YOU from coming HERE"
My parents are 12 hours away. When they can't be here, we do things to include them, like having my son blow out his birthday candles while they can see on Skype and having them open Christmas presents that way.
But I like them, they appreciate it , and I want to do it for them :)
Sad thing is that I have. Several times in fact. She always makes me feel guilty for cutting her outta my kids' lives so I give in. Last time I ignored her for 3 months and now she pulls the same stuff again. She does this shit every year, sometimes every few months. That's partly why I moved away. I have a very good 'ship with my in laws and she's always hated it. I've seen 4 shrinks since '07 for the shit she's done like this and my crappy childhood, which she always says "I was a single mother, I did the best I could, don't you think I deserve a break? Well you should just get over it. I had a much worse childhood than you did you ever think of how that made me feel growing up?"- I, I, I. It's ALWAYS about her and it always has been. The worst is that she does this crap whenever I'm about 4 ish months due with a baby, never fails.
Quoting DifferentDay:" Sad thing is that I have. Several times in fact. She always makes me feel guilty for cutting her outta ... [snip!] ... her and it always has been. The worst is that she does this crap whenever I'm about 4 ish months due with a baby, never fails."
When she starts, I would say "I'm not going to take your guilt trip. If you aren't happy with your life and your relationship with the kids, then YOU change it. Either stop laying the blame on me, or I'm going to hang up." Then just make sure you actually follow through and hang up if she starts. You don't need that stress from her.
When I had dd1 we were only living 4hrs away from her then. She came down as I was 2hrs away from being admitted to the hosp (had to walk for 2hrs before I was dilated enough). She walked with me. Fine. Great. Once I got into my room she said baby's heart kept dropping really really low with each contraction, that she had worked a double the night before, left her dog alone, and needed to go back home to get some sleep. She left when the midwife said it was time to push. It was just my MIL, and hubby in the room then. She didn't come see dd1 until I was being discharged- 2 days later. Dd2 (we had moved already) so she didn't see her until she was 3 mnths old for 10 mins bc she worked a double and was tired and wanted us to leave. (10+ hr drive in the car mind you). I just don't get how a mother or any parent could be so damn selfish!!!!