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Should it be completely up to him? ♥Daenerys 2 kids; 2 angel babies; California 8168 posts
23rd Jan '13

Just curious...



If a husband wants a vasectomy because he doesn't want anymore children, but his wife doesn't want him to get one, because she eventually wants to have more children, then what should he do?



Should he go ahead and get it done, because it's his body, his choice, even though the wife isn't on board with the idea at all?



Should he wait a while, see if he changes his mind about having children, or see if his wife changes her mind about wanting more?



What do you think?

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
23rd Jan '13

Well, for me, I'm done and that's it. If he doesn't like it, too bad. That's what it comes down to. So, I guess I'd have to extend that to men as well.

user banned California 36390 posts
23rd Jan '13

IMO, he should have the final say.

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15526 posts
23rd Jan '13

My husband and I just went through this and we are now TTC lol. He wanted to get it done and I really wasn't sure so I asked him to please wait a while to see if he was really sure that's what he wanted and he decided he wants another. But had he waited and decided he wanted one it's his body and he should be able to do it if he wants.

Sarah ♥ K&K 2 kids; 2 angel babies; South Land, CA, United States 117114 posts
23rd Jan '13

I think there should be enough respect to not to anything permanent until they've both discussed and hopefully come to a mutual decision. Ultimately it is his choice though.

⚓Misty⚓ 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7272 posts
23rd Jan '13

Dont they have the reversable vac now?

Mandy ♥ Hailey+Roo 2 kids; Middleton, Idaho 11788 posts
23rd Jan '13

I know I couldn't stop him if he wanted one, but I don't know that I would be able to stay if he did it, knowing that I wanted more kids.

♥Daenerys 2 kids; 2 angel babies; California 8168 posts
23rd Jan '13
Quoting Sarah Bare-ah♡:" I think there should be enough respect to not to anything permanent until they've both discussed and hopefully come to a mutual decision. Ultimately it is his choice though. "


I think that's where I can of stand, too. If both people aren't on board for doing something permanent, then I think out of respect they should wait and use other forms of BC. But then again I'm not in this particular situation, soooo I'm not totally sure lol.

user banned California 36390 posts
23rd Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mandy loves Hailey+Boy:</b>" I know I couldn't stop him if he wanted one, but I don't know that I would be able to stay if he did it, knowing that I wanted more kids."</blockquote>




Why not adopt? DH wants three, I refuse to.have more than two.

Mandy ♥ Hailey+Roo 2 kids; Middleton, Idaho 11788 posts
23rd Jan '13
Quoting Jude ♥ JGL:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mandy loves Hailey+Boy:</b>" I know I couldn't stop him if he ... [snip!] ... did it, knowing that I wanted more kids."</blockquote> Why not adopt? DH wants three, I refuse to.have more than two."

If he was serious enough to get a vasectomy, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be up for adoption.

user banned California 36390 posts
23rd Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mandy loves Hailey+Boy:</b>" If he was serious enough to get a vasectomy, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be up for adoption."</blockquote>




My dad got a vasectomy...and adopted three more kids

*Mary Moon* 1 child; New York 3601 posts
23rd Jan '13

Its his body and he should be able to do what he wants with it if he is actually sure. My friends bf had it done and then got married later on and had it reversed but he never regained his ability to get her pregnant and they actually divorced because not being able to concieve became a problem. Incidentily, my friend doesnt want kids at this point in her life since she has 4 and is 40, so that works for them but that must have been a terrible blow for him not to be able to get his wife at the time pregnant. So I guess its not necessarily for the faint of heart because its possible you might not be able to regain your ability to impregnate your SO/DW if you change your mind (time between procedure and reversal being a big factor).

Mandy ♥ Hailey+Roo 2 kids; Middleton, Idaho 11788 posts
23rd Jan '13
Quoting Jude ♥ JGL:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mandy loves Hailey+Boy:</b>" If he was serious enough to get ... [snip!] ... I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be up for adoption."</blockquote> My dad got a vasectomy...and adopted three more kids"

Oh, I'm only saying it because my husband and I have actually had this argument. He jokes about going and getting a vasectomy done and not telling me. He says he's done sometimes, and other times he's not. But if he were to do it, there's no way he'd be up for adopting. I've even talked to him about it before, he isn't interested in adopting, period.

mommymassey 3 kids; Fort Worth, Texas 378 posts
23rd Jan '13

they are reversible but it can be costly. I say you should both agree on where you stand with more children. Would you get your tubes tied without him agreeing to it first? Yes, it is his body and ultimately he has the final say but there should be a mutual respect and communication in the marriage on family status and concerns that will affect the both of you.
* and I agree with the adoption as well

Ryloonjimama Australia 18851 posts
23rd Jan '13

Obviously, his body, his choice... It would be hypocritical to say it was wrong when a woman can choose to have her tubes tied or choose to get an abortion without needing her partners consent... but I think in a marriage/long term partnership, the other persons feelings should always be taken into consideration and it should really be hashed out and mutually agreed upon before any big decisions like these are made. Having or not having children affect two people in a committment.