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Sugga mama to four 4 kids; Utah 1111 posts
24th Jan '13
Quoting redneck mamma:" There is no law that says you have to let anyone in the delivery room..."


That i figured especially when him and his mom told me that i should get an abortion, and he hasnt been in the picture this pregnancy. He just tries to scare me in to me being okay with him being there during the delivery. plus when our son was born, he was no help he was just drama and hsi mom walked out in the middle of the birth!

Boobo&bugs Due September 24; 1 child; Simpsonville, South Carolina 5609 posts
24th Jan '13

I would just not tell them when I went into labor. Nurses are really amazing at kicking people out too, if they do somehow show up. They do not have any right to be there if you don't want them there. They can come visit the baby once he or she is born. Do not stress yourself out during labor by letting them in if you don't want them there. As for right now I'd just tell them no. During labor you are the one doing all the work you really only need the people you find supportive and comforting with you.

Smokey_Taboo Due April 22; 1 child; California 5423 posts
24th Jan '13

Can I be the person that says maybe it will be a good thing for him to see in labor and to see the baby be born? That is a moment you can never ever get back..
He doesnt have be a person of support, he can wait in the waiting room the whole damn time until the baby is ready to be born. Sometimes seeing your child be born can change a male perspective on how he see's the women who carry the baby and the child its self.
What kind of hospital only allows two people, and usually Douala's are except as part of the + 2 in most situations.

jessicamarie_92 Due June 14; 16 kids; Whittier, California 136 posts
24th Jan '13
Quoting Sugga mama to four:" i was wondering the same thing, but yet the ex claims he has some sort of right to be there, and he threaten that because he is the father he has every legal right to be there lol"


Thats EXACTLY what he said! He said how awful it would be if i didn't let him in and how my son would resent me for it. UM i'm sorry but if you want to be dad of the year you have responsibilities not just pop in when you feel like it. He live in VA and says he will fly down a month before, if it were up to me he wouldn't be around my son AT ALL but its not what i want. even though he is a racist ignorant butt most days, it still is his son. I don't care if he wants to see the baby after the hour of bonding time after labor and delivery, but i know it will be a catastrophe in the hospital when all this happens.

jessicamarie_92 Due June 14; 16 kids; Whittier, California 136 posts
24th Jan '13
Quoting Smokey_Taboo:" Can I be the person that says maybe it will be a good thing for him to see in labor and to see the baby ... [snip!] ... its self. What kind of hospital only allows two people, and usually Douala's are except as part of the + 2 in most situations."


I understand why he would want to be there BUT he doesn't just get to choose when he wants to be a dad, if he doesn't want to help thats fine by me but i get to say when and where then.
Your in cali too! lol its at Whittier Pres Inter community but i'm still touring hospitals because i want a really natural birth.

user banned Indiana 33802 posts
24th Jan '13
Quoting Smokey_Taboo:" Can I be the person that says maybe it will be a good thing for him to see in labor and to see the baby ... [snip!] ... its self. What kind of hospital only allows two people, and usually Douala's are except as part of the + 2 in most situations."


My hospitals only allowed 2 people in the room for all 4 of my kids.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
24th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Smokey_Taboo:</b>" Can I be the person that says maybe it will be a good thing for him to see in labor and to see the baby ... [snip!] ... its self. What kind of hospital only allows two people, and usually Douala's are except as part of the + 2 in most situations."</blockquote>




I fully agree with this statement.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
24th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting jessicamarie_92:</b>" I understand why he would want to be there BUT he doesn't just get to choose when he wants to be a dad, ... [snip!] ... in cali too! lol its at Whittier Pres Inter community but i'm still touring hospitals because i want a really natural birth."</blockquote>




Here is the thing about that, if you carry that chip on your shoulder and restrict the time between him and child because you want to hold the cards, it will bite you in the ass. Your child will resent you later in life for it. Leave the door open for him to be a father. Don't "expect" certain things and you won't be disappointed. Don't fight him every step of the way. Women fail to realize this but, the bagging and demands that they place often come from an emotional rather than rational perspective. More often than not, the fighting and bickering keeps them away. It isn't because they don't want to be dads. Don't believe me? Ask around.



Leave the option open in your mind. Don't rob him of that moment of being there for the birth if his child because you are bitter. Plus, that could be the moment that creates that "bond" between him and baby. You both need to learn to behave as adults and coparent effectively for the sake of this child. This baby is the only child in the mix. You two have to be mature adults. Don't make excuses based on what he is doing. Someone has to set the tone and make the step to an amicable relationship. Don't let your child be another statistic because mommy and daddy can't play nice in the sandbox.

jessicamarie_92 Due June 14; 16 kids; Whittier, California 136 posts
24th Jan '13
Quoting Not tellin:" <blockquote><b>Quoting jessicamarie_92:</b>" I understand why he would want to be ... [snip!] ... to an amicable relationship. Don't let your child be another statistic because mommy and daddy can't play nice in the sandbox."


I never said i was going to take "time" away from him but labor is my time to be focused and not be stressed out. I have no problem letting him see his kid but during labor is out of the question.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
24th Jan '13
Quoting jessicamarie_92:" I never said i was going to take "time" away from him but labor is my time to be focused and not be stressed out. I have no problem letting him see his kid but during labor is out of the question."



So you aren't going to let him be there to witness the birth of his child.



Like I said, you have a huge chip on your shoulder. It is not too late to start working on a coparent relationship with him right now. Why don't you be the bigger person and reach out to him and meet some where for a coffee or something and talk this thru? Give him a chance and explain your reservations.

jessicamarie_92 Due June 14; 16 kids; Whittier, California 136 posts
24th Jan '13
Quoting Not tellin:" So you aren't going to let him be there to witness the birth of his child. Like I said, you have ... [snip!] ... out to him and meet some where for a coffee or something and talk this thru? Give him a chance and explain your reservations. "


Maybe you haven't read everything i wrote. I respect your opinion but maybe you don't understand because your married? I have tried since the beginning to get him involved, he lives in VA i even offered to fly down there and pay for it myself for him to go with me to get an elective ultrasound. He refused. Then i asked him if financially he would help with buying baby stuff he refused because he said he needed money to hang out with friends he makes 900 dollars a week btw. I also know what its like for a parent to decide that they only feel like showing up when its convenient for them. I need a commitment that he isn't going to demand things when he wants them and if things are rough i need to know he wont just up and leave my son. He has verbally let me know that he cant make that promise. I refuse to do that to my son. When he decides that he wants to be a man and be there then i will let him but during labor like i said before, it is MY BODY and if im even more stressed out im sure the baby will feel it.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
24th Jan '13
Quoting jessicamarie_92:" Maybe you haven't read everything i wrote. I respect your opinion but maybe you don't understand because ... [snip!] ... will let him but during labor like i said before, it is MY BODY and if im even more stressed out im sure the baby will feel it."



I can comprehend just fine. I am educated and quite a bit older than you. I understand and being married has nothing to do with it.



All I am saying is that looking from the outside in, someone has to be the bigger person. You are absolutely right to deny his mother in the room. You don't need a commitment from him. That is not your place to demand. You don't get to tell him what kind of father he is going to be anymore than he can tell you how you are going to mother this child. I am not saying you HAVE to allow him in the room. Entertain the idea. I am saying that you are still pretty early in pregnancy and it is the time that someone stops the bickering and starts to behave like an adult. If he is going to be party boy, all you can do is open the door. Don't make conditions or leave stipulations. Don't beg and plead. Just try to get on some mutual page for how you are going to co parent this child. Start small. Will this child be raised in one religion or another or without all together? Really, all you can do is open the door of communication. This all controlling holding the cards thing isn't going to do your child any favors.

YoyoMa 2 kids; 10 angel babies; Nowhere, HI, United States 2163 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting jessicamarie_92:" Maybe you haven't read everything i wrote. I respect your opinion but maybe you don't understand because ... [snip!] ... will let him but during labor like i said before, it is MY BODY and if im even more stressed out im sure the baby will feel it."


If it's his child he legally has parenting rights. He can come and demand joint-custody, etc. So it won't be up to you whether he is in your son's life or not... it's honestly up to him.



Maybe he has other reasons for not wanting to give you money or fly out for an ultrasound? Maybe this is his attempt at trying to be in his son's life... I understand the stress factor, but this is something that you are taking away and he will never get back. I agree that trying to talk things out now before the baby gets her is a good idea. He's your child's biological father and nothing is going to change that.

user banned Colorado 21030 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting jessicamarie_92:" Thats EXACTLY what he said! He said how awful it would be if i didn't let him in and how my son would ... [snip!] ... the hour of bonding time after labor and delivery, but i know it will be a catastrophe in the hospital when all this happens. "



He sounds like such an A-hole!!!
Definitely don't call him, or if someone does let him know when you're in labor he can wait in the waiting room. Make sure you tell the staff at the hospital that you don't want him there or add it to your birth plan somewhere. They won't allow him back if you don't want him.




If he doesn't want to be involved in your pregnancy then he sure as f**k doesn't need to be involved in your labor. If it will make you uncomfortable you don't need to let him in there, it will probably just stall things and make it harder on you to deliver the baby.

user banned Colorado 21030 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting Not tellin:" So you aren't going to let him be there to witness the birth of his child. Like I said, you have ... [snip!] ... out to him and meet some where for a coffee or something and talk this thru? Give him a chance and explain your reservations. "


She doesn't need to submit to him. The guy is an a*****e. And is a racist sexist.
I wouldn't invite anyone to my labor or recommend to ANYONE that they invite someone who makes them uncomfortable.