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exposed and out of control. trigger warning. BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
25th Jan '13

I

Blythe. 1 child; Indiana 22567 posts
25th Jan '13

did you think you had control of the secret? He did nothing wrong by telling his story.

user banned California 36390 posts
25th Jan '13

He had absolutely NO right to share what happened to anyone but himself. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope that you will be able to heal. Can you see a therapist or a counselor?

Blythe. 1 child; Indiana 22567 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting Jude ♥ JGL:" He had absolutely NO right to share what happened to anyone but himself. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope that you will be able to heal. Can you see a therapist or a counselor? "


Did he actually share that it happened to everyone else though? I was thinking she just said the rest of us cause he did the same thing to all of them

The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
25th Jan '13

I'm confused .... why is him talking about how he was abused a betrayal to you?

Mum to a Monster TTC since Jan 2014; 1 child; 5 angel babies; Colorado 11565 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" I
Lil Dude's Mamma [38 wks] Due November 7; 1 child; Argentina 2588 posts
25th Jan '13

It might be a good thing to have the secret out in the open. Keeping such a secret is a huge burden on anyone, it might feel terrible now, but you don't have to lie and cover your grandfather anymore. It might help others who went through what you went through.

user banned California 36390 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting Blythe.:" Did he actually share that it happened to everyone else though? I was thinking she just said the rest of us cause he did the same thing to all of them"


Perhaps I read it wrong, it sounded like he talked about more than just himself.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19531 posts
25th Jan '13

I can understand how you would feel so exposed and vulnerable, but maybe look at it in a different light. Now your grandfather won't be able to hurt anyone any more.



I'm sorry you went through all that, and I hope you find peace one day.

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
25th Jan '13

Your family sounds eerily similar to mine, my paternal grandfather did the same things, and has never been arrested. My aunts and uncles did come out about it after the death of my grandmother though and he now has no access to children, but also doesn't speak to anyone, and is a lonely, isolated man. Relatives of mine are always talking about writing a book chronicling their experience, but would never share anyone else's experience without their consent. What your uncle did was probably a step in the right direction for him, but he should have given you some warning that he was making that step so you could be emotionally prepared. Anything you're feeling isn't wrong, but you need to really look at your anger at your uncle and decide what you need to do with it to begin healing. Are you in therapy? If not, now would be a good time to start, since your secret has already been forcibly outed

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting Blythe.:" Did he actually share that it happened to everyone else though? I was thinking she just said the rest of us cause he did the same thing to all of them"

He did share that he wasn't the only one. He didn't name names. But he recounted specific instances and said "my sister" or "my brother", etc.
Also, just to be clear. I am aware that I have no right to be angry with him. First of all, I haven't seen him since I was a kid. He cut all ties to 90% of his family years ago, which I don't blame him for either.
I just keep thinking, irrationally probably, that 'what if someone i know finds this and reads this and realizes'. I still have a lot of shame.

Mum to a Monster TTC since Jan 2014; 1 child; 5 angel babies; Colorado 11565 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting Destiel:" I'm confused .... why is him talking about how he was abused a betrayal to you?"


When there is something like this that involves more than just one person that has been "kept in the shadows" for decades and then someone just comes out and says "Hey this is what happened and X-family member did it to me for years". It feels like a betrayal because people know whom he is, and people she knows also know that is her uncle, and he is talking about the grandfather; so then this ripple effect happens especally if he mentioned that it happened to more than just him.



It's kinda like keeping a Rape to yourself for years and then all the sudden the rapist goes on camera for whatever reason says "I raped so and so, and all these others at theses places" (basically naming them off), you feel betrayed because you never wanted anyone to know about it.

Blythe. 1 child; Indiana 22567 posts
25th Jan '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" He did share that he wasn't the only one. He didn't name names. But he recounted specific instances ... [snip!] ... irrationally probably, that 'what if someone i know finds this and reads this and realizes'. I still have a lot of shame."


Don't feel any shame! It wasn't your fault. I also was abused. But I feel fine talking about it and telling anyone about it. It wasn't something that I had control over. The abuser is the one that should be ashamed.



Talking about it more does help. Even confronting the a*****e that did it and telling them what a sick f****r they are helped a lot too

J+B=Z&L ♡ 2 kids; Pensacola, Florida 5890 posts
25th Jan '13

You're having such a strong reaction because he brought it all to light. You had it hidden away in your mind, and by sharing his story its in the foreground. Maybe he just needed to talk about, its helping him out some how.

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
25th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" He did share that he wasn't the only one. He didn't name names. But he recounted specific instances ... [snip!] ... irrationally probably, that 'what if someone i know finds this and reads this and realizes'. I still have a lot of shame."</blockquote>




I can't believe how similar our families are..... If you want to PM me ever, from your account, feel free. I have really been there. At my grandmothers funeral my uncles and aunts and father stood up and spoke of what their father (my grandfather) had put them through. All of my cousins were in the church, but only my sister and I were asked to sit by my grandfather. And the relative that asked us to sit there knew what was about to happen. I was molested by him too and it was one of the most painful moments of my life, I felt completely out of control and felt like I was helpless again... People can become very selfish when they're trying to heal themselves, and they sometimes can hurt others in the process. I don't think I will ever forgive my relative that put me in that situation but it did open me up to what had happened to me and how much it was still affecting me