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* BooBear Due In July * Due July 11 (girl); 2 kids; United Kingdom 384 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting j0des(+2):</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" ... [snip!] ... you love someone."</blockquote> What does you being with someone that makes you unhappy, have to do with your child?"


Kids pick up on this stuff.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
27th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting j0des(+2):</b>" My husband was in a local band here since like 13 with his brother..so I'm talking groupie groupie here.. ... [snip!] ... of us grew up without dads. If our relationship fails and it starts negatively affecting our kids, I will leave though."</blockquote>




Oh okay. I asked because I always see that word and I'm always like what the fuck is a groupie lol. I am a firm believer that people can change. I know because of the way DH was in high school. How he was with other girls and how he is now and how he is with me.



I just hope you're staying with him for other reasons other than because he's a wonderful father.



I'm not saying this is your situation, but I've seen where couples stay together for their children and it doesn't work out. Every kid loves seeing his/her parents together but when you're with a person simply because you have stings attached to one another, and there's no love. You get moody, you fight more often etc. kids can tell you know?



It's just good that at least your DH didn't actually cheat, he was just naive to the fact that the girl was a stalking physco!

* BooBear Due In July * Due July 11 (girl); 2 kids; United Kingdom 384 posts
27th Jan '13

I don't think anyone should stay together because of their kids yeah what's the point in 2 unhappy together parents i'm sure kids would rather have 2 happy seperate parents.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
27th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting j0des(+2):</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" ... [snip!] ... you love someone."</blockquote> What does you being with someone that makes you unhappy, have to do with your child?"</blockquote>



She never said she was unhappy with him!

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
27th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sammie Rose ♥:</b>" He's not tha father of my oldest two, but yeah i'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with his daughter. :("</blockquote>



At the end of the day you're the only one who can make this decision. All I have to say though, is put your children first. They deserve to have a father figure that makes both them and their mom happy. They can feel when you're sad and as they grow older they start to catch up on things. If your SO doesn't stop his cheating ways there is really no way anyone in this circle can be happy.

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting j0des(+2):</b>" ... [snip!] ... with someone that makes you unhappy, have to do with your child?"</blockquote> She never said she was unhappy with him!"


I don't understand how she COULD be happy with him, as a person, if she bluntly said, " Even thought he's devoted to us, I still feel like he's a liar" and " I'm going to be one of those nut jobs, who stays for the kids.".



She's not HAPPY with him. There is NO way you can be happy, always feeling your DH is LYING to you.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
27th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Vile Tramp:</b>" I don't understand how she COULD be happy with him, as a person, if she bluntly said, " Even thought ... [snip!] ... stays for the kids.". She's not HAPPY with him. There is NO way you can be happy, always feeling your DH is LYING to you. "</blockquote>



She also stated she still loves him. I'm guessing she's still hurt about what he did. Doesn't mean that she's miserable in the relationship. I still think about what happened between DH and I sometimes. I still keep my guard up because I know that if he did it once he can do it again. I don't have that mind set that "oh he'll never cheat on me" or "he will never lie to me" any more. That doesn't mean I don't love him, doesn't mean I'm not happy. I'm ecstatic with him. It's been almost five years and our relationship is wonderful but I still know he lied, I still know he cheated. I hope he doesn't do it again but I know he's capable of doing it. I don't worry to much about it or freak out either but I am prepared for it if that day comes. I don't tolerate all that bullshit and he knows that. He can go cheat again, if he wants. Doesn't mean I'm going to put up with it a second time.

* BooBear Due In July * Due July 11 (girl); 2 kids; United Kingdom 384 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):" <blockquote><b>Quoting Vile Tramp:</b>" I don't understand how she COULD be happy ... [snip!] ... all that bullshit and he knows that. He can go cheat again, if he wants. I'm not going to put up with it a second time."

This!

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
27th Jan '13

And I'm just going to put this out here.



Cheating is a hard thing to get over regardless, when cheating becomes a more then "once and done" kind of thing ( which it should never be, but IF it ever happens) you need to ask yourself, if you really want to stay knowing that not only did he cheat ONCE but he cheated AGAIN....



What's going to stop him from continuing to cheat? Don't say because he hurt me or our kids, because if that mattered to HIM he wouldn't have done it the second time.



Like I said, I've been there... I invested 5 years of my life, to a beautiful liar... That's all he was. He told me what I wanted to hear, in order to get me to stay, and I was NOTHING MORE THEN AN ENABLER. I enabled his behavior by accepting his behavior. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive, and when I got the strength to leave, because I just could not forget and forgive, he would make sure he made me believe it was MY fault, and I'M the one in the wrong, made ME feel crazy. The abuse never stopped, the cheating never stopped.



From the outside looking in, we looked perfect. Had a house, I was a SAHM, we were married, he even adopted my oldest son from a previous relationship. On the inside? Our marriage was a failure, and my life was hell. I am a natural co dependent person, and I built this fake facade in my own head, of how he was, I buried the abuse as "caring" or "affection" to build a wall to kid myself into thinking the man I "loved" was who I wanted him to be.



Like I said earlier, in 5 years we were together, 3 of which we were married, he cheated with over 33 girls, and when we broke it off on THANKSGIVING? He bragged about it, told me I was nothing, he hated me, and no one would ever love me, having our kids with ME was the biggest mistake of his life. That is how it ended.. On more verbal/emotional abuse.



If nothing else, please if ANY of you need to talk, PM me. I can't say I won't be biased, but I try not to judge. I just know how much harder it makes it to leave, the longer you stay.

j0des(+2) 18 kids; Virginia 5095 posts
27th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Vile Tramp:</b>" I don't understand how she COULD be happy ... [snip!] ... all that bullshit and he knows that. He can go cheat again, if he wants. I'm not going to put up with it a second time."</blockquote>



Amen!



Its not something you just get over, you move on, but you never forget. I love my husband. Because of him, I have two beautiful kids, an extended family to love, and I can stay home and teach my children. I generalize my feelings most of the time and people read me the wrong way.



I will not EVER put up with that a second time. He may not have physically cheated..but I felt emotionally cheated on.

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):" <blockquote><b>Quoting Vile Tramp:</b>" I don't understand how she COULD be happy ... [snip!] ... that bullshit and he knows that. He can go cheat again, if he wants. Doesn't mean I'm going to put up with it a second time."



Okay. I still have love my for ex husband... Doesn't mean I was happy with him...

* BooBear Due In July * Due July 11 (girl); 2 kids; United Kingdom 384 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Vile Tramp:" Okay. I still have love my for ex husband... Doesn't mean I was happy with him... "


Everyone is different..

Little Vine Japan 422 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sammie Rose ♥:</b>" I am really starting to wonder if ... [snip!] ... I assume you fear you'll never find someone "like him" again. But once you're out of that trance, you pray you never do."


So. Freaking. True. So well said! Exactly my experience.

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting * BooBear Due In July *:" Everyone is different.."


Oh I know. I'm just saying, love doesn't always equal happiness.

* BooBear Due In July * Due July 11 (girl); 2 kids; United Kingdom 384 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Vile Tramp:" Oh I know. I'm just saying, love doesn't always equal happiness. "

True sometimes it's best to walk away no matter how much you love someone.