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i am a horrible person POCOYO 3 kids; amarillo, TX, United States 13862 posts
27th Jan '13

not saying it because i want people to tell me oh you are not. i am .
i am in a marriage that i dont love.
my husband told me yesterday when i refused sex, (like always) that he knows i dont love him and he is not the person i want for me. that he has tried to change for me but he will never be what i want. as a person i know i was supposed to say something or cry a little at his revelation but i didnt. because he is right and i appreciate him so much for giving my kids a wonderful home and i havent worked in years and while i do everything i can to save money i know its not enough or the same as working all day long.
but i feel like i have to stay married.
where would we go? how will it work? i cant spend time away from my kids unless necessary. plus im still waiting on my work visa, if i get deported or i cant renew it again in two years (if the law changes) i will have to leave and my kids will go with me and i dont want that.
i am a horrible person but my kids come first.
i dont want to get a divorce i \dont want to be my mother who left my father and i was left with no dad. she married my stepfather and now feels trapped i dont want to do that.
i am selfish
i am horrible
i cant get divorced until i know i will be able to give my children everything they need.

The Pretty Poodle™ 1 child; Illinois 7341 posts
27th Jan '13

I believe you should seek counseling to help organize your thoughts and explore your options more in depth.

Dr. Angelface 2 kids; California 8236 posts
27th Jan '13

i'm on the opposite side of that although i feel the same hopelessness about my marriage sometimes.
he's the one that doesn't seem to want or have time for the the relationship. we are like brother and sister or good friends.
i don't leave though because aside from the work visa i'm sort of in the same position.
But i also hope things might get better because i love him.

POCOYO 3 kids; amarillo, TX, United States 13862 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Big Booty Heaux
Dr. Angelface 2 kids; California 8236 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting POCOYO:" i have two options divorce now or stick out for a couple more years. i have been married for 5. i always say whats a litttle while longer? "


well why can't you just give him sex then in gratitude for keeping care of you until you do leave?
throw the poor man a bone

The Pretty Poodle™ 1 child; Illinois 7341 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting POCOYO:" i have two options divorce now or stick out for a couple more years. i have been married for 5. i always say whats a litttle while longer? "

Those are the two options you see...going to a counselor may help you think of some other options or coping mechanisms.

The Pretty Poodle™ 1 child; Illinois 7341 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Dr. Angelface:" well why can't you just give him sex then in gratitude for keeping care of you until you do leave? throw the poor man a bone"

Ever tried having sex with someone you didn't give a shit about??....they always know.

POCOYO 3 kids; amarillo, TX, United States 13862 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Dr. Angelface:" well why can't you just give him sex then in gratitude for keeping care of you until you do leave? throw the poor man a bone"


im not attracted to him
plus sex hurts for me
i am not attracted to anyone sexually ive nver been

POCOYO 3 kids; amarillo, TX, United States 13862 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Dr. Angelface:" well why can't you just give him sex then in gratitude for keeping care of you until you do leave? throw the poor man a bone"


im not attracted to him
plus sex hurts for me
i am not attracted to anyone sexually ive nver been

summerbabyX2 2 kids; Pennsylvania 4019 posts
27th Jan '13

I think there are a lot of women that feel the same way. Maybe try marriage counseling. You may surprise yourself and rediscover why you married him in 1st place

Dr. Angelface 2 kids; California 8236 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting POCOYO:" im not attracted to him plus sex hurts for me i am not attracted to anyone sexually ive nver been"


well then counseling definitely is in order!



i can tell you it is very depressing to be with someone who you married that you love who has no physical interest in you.

POCOYO 3 kids; amarillo, TX, United States 13862 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting Dr. Angelface:" i'm on the opposite side of that although i feel the same hopelessness about my marriage sometimes. he's ... [snip!] ... because aside from the work visa i'm sort of in the same position. But i also hope things might get better because i love him."


how do you feel you might be able to change his poitn of view?
what could he do to show you the love you show him?

POCOYO 3 kids; amarillo, TX, United States 13862 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting summerbabyX2:" I think there are a lot of women that feel the same way. Maybe try marriage counseling. You may surprise yourself and rediscover why you married him in 1st place"


i married him because its the thing to do, you have kids you get married so your kids dont ask why their last name is different than yours.

Dr. Angelface 2 kids; California 8236 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting POCOYO:" how do you feel you might be able to change his poitn of view? what could he do to show you the love you show him?"


well in my case i hope its that he is over stressed and over worked and that is a big part of his lack of interest...but i'm not sure of that.



I just need him to approach me with interest about my day or what's in my brain on occasion. Also, wanting to be sexual would be nice. BUT deep down inside i do worry this will never happen. i think i'll probably have to leave him in order for things to change.
but i'm accidentally pregnant with our 2nd child right now so i can't do anything right now.

The Pretty Poodle™ 1 child; Illinois 7341 posts
27th Jan '13
Quoting POCOYO:" i married him because its the thing to do, you have kids you get married so your kids dont ask why their last name is different than yours."

Oh honey.....DEFINITELY go to counseling. Your children have the potential to suffer serious emotional damage in this situation.