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Is it over? Long vent Lana Del Rey West Virginia 1196 posts
28th Jan '13

My fiance and I have been dating for 3 years, I'm 20 he's 26. We had plans to get married and have babies and the whole shebang. Well I am a waitress and my job was starting to slow down so I wasn't making as much money, not enough to support us anyways. This happened the previous year, but we just figured I would get my shit together the next year. Well I didn't. I tried, I really really tried, I worked at Mcdonalds as a second job, I was so completely desperate. Well he and I decided staying with my parents 8 hours away was the best choice, so that way I could work a little and save. Our relationship the past couple of months has lacked intimacy, we argued a lot, it was just going downhill and I thought maybe this time apart would help. Well honestly, it hasn't really helped much at all. He feels like he can focus on his career more now, he's becoming more active and productive, and I'm doing the exact same thing. I think it's great he's so happy, it's unfortunate it took me not exactly being in his day to day life for this to happen. He wants me to live on my own for a while and gain some independence, because when I was 18, we moved in together, so I never really experienced the whole college, alone time. I became so dependent on him, he was becoming more of a parent then an equal half. He wants me to live alone, and then maybe see if we can work something out. I don't know how I feel about that. So I move back to a place where I couldn't hold a steady job, but he and the dog are there, or stay in my home state, I would get my own place and just move on I guess. I don't know what to do? Do I fight for a 3 year relationship and show that I can gain some independence, and MAYBE get back together? Or do I move on with my life?

Love my 3 kids Due July 27; Ohio 812 posts
28th Jan '13

You need to do what is good for YOU not anyone else. You need to get your independence and prove to YOURSELF that you can do this alone. Then you will be able to decide if you want him in your life or not. You may find that once you get established, you like your life and don't need him in it or you may find someone else along the way.



I moved from home into an apartment with my (now) husband. I never had the feeling of true independence. If I had it to do over, I would have lived on my own for little while. I know I CAN do it on my own I just never actually have.

Gheordynn [CNL] 3 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 20462 posts
28th Jan '13

Get the better job, stay where you are, and become more independent. Even if you do end up getting back together, knowing you CAN do it alone and are with him because you want to be and don't have to be will be a good thing!

Lana Del Rey West Virginia 1196 posts
28th Jan '13

I know that he's looking out for my best interest, we love each other, probably not as "in love" as we used to be, but we do love and care for one another. I guess if sometime down the road we meet up again, then maybe we can work something out and our relationship will be fresh and new and stronger because of the independence I gained. God this is hard. I feel nauseated about it. The past 3 years of my life have had him involved every single day. Like you said Gheordynn, it almost feels like I HAVE to be with him because that's what I'm comfortable with.

Gheordynn [CNL] 3 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 20462 posts
28th Jan '13

I know the feeling! I'm very dependant on my husband and we struggled for a long while because of it. I actually just got my first job in 5 years and I can already tell its going to make a difference.

Lana Del Rey West Virginia 1196 posts
28th Jan '13
Quoting Gheordynn [CNL]:" I know the feeling! I'm very dependant on my husband and we struggled for a long while because of it. I actually just got my first job in 5 years and I can already tell its going to make a difference."


I think if I said that it's over, he would just say OK. It's to that point :/

Gheordynn [CNL] 3 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 20462 posts
28th Jan '13

Can you tell him something like "I love you, and know you love me, but I think we'd be better off if I didn't rely on you so much." And then explain that you're going to try and gain some independence before giving it another shot with him?



Obviously, you can't expect him to wait around, but if he really does love you and wants to be with you, he will.

Lana Del Rey West Virginia 1196 posts
28th Jan '13
Quoting Gheordynn [CNL]:" Can you tell him something like "I love you, and know you love me, but I think we'd be better off if ... [snip!] ... with him? Obviously, you can't expect him to wait around, but if he really does love you and wants to be with you, he will."


We've already discussed that. I've been making arrangements to stay with a friend when I go back down in a couple weeks, but I need to figure out if I'm going to go do that and work on things in the future, MAYBE , or stay up here and move on with my life?

Gheordynn [CNL] 3 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 20462 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lana Del Rey:</b>" We've already discussed that. I've been making arrangements to stay with a friend when I go back down ... [snip!] ... to figure out if I'm going to go do that and work on things in the future, MAYBE , or stay up here and move on with my life? "</blockquote>




What does your heart tell you is right? Can you move back to the same town and not fall right back in with him?

Lana Del Rey West Virginia 1196 posts
28th Jan '13
Quoting Gheordynn [CNL]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Lana Del Rey:</b>" We've already discussed that. I've been ... [snip!] ... What does your heart tell you is right? Can you move back to the same town and not fall right back in with him?"


I would fall right back in. We have a dog, and I know I would be going over there and using the dog as an excuse because I want to see him. He told me he doesn't want me to do that. He wouldn't mind me taking the dog to the park or on a walk or anything, but not to go over there and be with him. He doesn't even miss me : (

Gheordynn [CNL] 3 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 20462 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lana Del Rey:</b>" I would fall right back in. We have a dog, and I know I would be going over there and using the dog ... [snip!] ... me taking the dog to the park or on a walk or anything, but not to go over there and be with him. He doesn't even miss me : ("</blockquote>




:( Maybe that's your answer then. Stay where you are and let HIM come to YOU.

Lana Del Rey West Virginia 1196 posts
28th Jan '13
Quoting Gheordynn [CNL]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Lana Del Rey:</b>" I would fall right back in. We have a dog, ... [snip!] ... doesn't even miss me : ("</blockquote> :( Maybe that's your answer then. Stay where you are and let HIM come to YOU."


I feel like I'm going to throw up. I know if I surround myself in work and friends I'll be OK. But omg, I feel sick about this.

Gheordynn [CNL] 3 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 20462 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lana Del Rey:</b>" I feel like I'm going to throw up. I know if I surround myself in work and friends I'll be OK. But omg, I feel sick about this."</blockquote>




:( I bet. Good luck, honey!

Lana Del Rey West Virginia 1196 posts
28th Jan '13
Quoting Gheordynn [CNL]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Lana Del Rey:</b>" I feel like I'm going to throw up. I know ... [snip!] ... myself in work and friends I'll be OK. But omg, I feel sick about this."</blockquote> :( I bet. Good luck, honey!"


Thanks so much for listening. I really appreciate it:)

Gheordynn [CNL] 3 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 20462 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lana Del Rey:</b>" Thanks so much for listening. I really appreciate it:)"</blockquote>




No problem! Hope everything works out for you!