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Afraid to have a boy user banned
28th Jan '13

I have three daughters and a son.
My son is my oldest, though he's not mine from birth I've been raising him since right after he turned 4. He has lived withe since then, and he is 8 now.



My girls are very mellow, sweet and kind. My boy is ADHD and poorly behaved. Love him to pieces, but he has a lot of troubles.



I am so excited to have a boy, but at the same time I terrified he will share the se negative qualities as my eldest. I cannot handle two boys like this!



I know it's a silly fear. DH and all of my friends and family assure me he will be nothing like my other boy. They all say I don't need to worry because I don't use drugs and I don't have bad genetics and psychological/mental health issues like the BM did.



But I can't stop worrying! If I can't get my 8 year old better tamed, who's to say my STB baby boy won't learn it from his older brother?



Are all boys wild and crazy? I don't remember my brothers ever being that way! My oldest bro was my night in shining armor. He protected, kept me safe and always kept the peace at home. He was very mild mannered and showed every a lot of respect. My youngest bro too!

Clk 2 kids; Dexter, Michigan 11927 posts
28th Jan '13

The sex of the child doesn't determine how wild they may or may not be. Also your eldest sounds as he has been through some traumatic things in life since you only started raising him at age four. This could be shaping his behavior too.

Naturally Alternative 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Lafayette, Louisiana 6017 posts
28th Jan '13

Not all boys are like that. Not all girls are calm. My girl bounces off walls almost every day all day...



I can understand your fear though. *hug* I'm sure it'll be fine.

Vitameatavegamin 19 kids; League City, Texas 5829 posts
28th Jan '13

My DS is 2 and has been calm and mellow since birth. Very sweet boy. DD1 is 4 and she's always been the wild high-strung one.
You never know what you're going to get!

K+S=G&R 2 kids; Indiana 3370 posts
28th Jan '13

I agree you cant go by gender! My son is very mellow laid back kid!! he is amazing and what I always wanted :)

Autumn Whisper 1 child; Utah 9977 posts
28th Jan '13

My son is almost four. He is active, but he is one of the kindest, most empathetic children I have ever known.

[Shelly&Dexter&Felix] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; London, United Kingdom 4652 posts
status 28th Jan '13
Quoting Safka9973:" I have three daughters and a son. My son is my oldest, though he's not mine from birth I've been raising ... [snip!] ... me safe and always kept the peace at home. He was very mild mannered and showed every a lot of respect. My youngest bro too!"


So far my little boy is incredible. and smiley. and cuddly :) (his only 4 months.)
My nephew is nearly 3 and so caring and loving and sweet and soooo funny! Same as my 6 year old nephew (although we can't see him as much.)



You can't really go by gender. My best friend has 3 girls all below 4 and they're crazy... Like.... nearly unbarably hyperactive and then in the same breath they're angry... :S

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
28th Jan '13

I just hear pretty frequently that boys are typically the wild ones. And in my home, this is definitely the case!



I hope he is more like my girls.



Do you think with the 8 year age gap, that many bad boy behaviors will rub off on him from older brother?

Autumn Whisper 1 child; Utah 9977 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" I just hear pretty frequently that boys are typically the wild ones. And in my home, this is definitely ... [snip!] ... more like my girls. Do you think with the 8 year age gap, that many bad boy behaviors will rub off on him from older brother?"</blockquote>




I don't think so at all. Especially not initially, and especially because you know about the older son's behaviors and can reinforce that certain things aren't okay.



And my son is honestly much more mellow, kinder, and gentler than any of his three female cousins. All very close in age.

LumpySpacePrincess 2 kids; New Zealand 17060 posts
28th Jan '13

Gender doesn't determine their nature.



My eldest has issues, possible autism. My youngest is the cruisiest kid ever, fed and clothed? He's happy. Both boys.



My sister has a boy and a girl and they are both HIGH energy kids. Like non stop. THey can stay up until 11pm at night playing and going crazy they just have so much energy! I do not envy her at all lol

Amanda Farley 1 child; Indiana 66 posts
28th Jan '13

You guys really need to read a previous post this lady posted though to completely understand the question she is posing...



http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about2427633.html

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Amanda Farley:</b>" You guys really need to read a previous post this lady posted though to completely understand the question she is posing... http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about2427633.html"</blockquote>




I'm not concerned about him passing on those particular behaviors. I know this is not something that can be passed on and is strictly due to his BM issues.
Obviously, I am concerned for all my kids well being, but my particular concern is the hyperactivity and inability to follow rules, and being incredibly rough and careless with his body (xonstantly hurting the other kids) on my sons part. I'm hoping this is not just a boy thing.

Autumn Whisper 1 child; Utah 9977 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Amanda Farley:</b>" You guys really need to read a previous ... [snip!] ... rough and careless with his body (xonstantly hurting the other kids) on my sons part. I'm hoping this is not just a boy thing."</blockquote>



I really don't think what you mention is just a boy thing. My boy is busy, has always slept less than most kids his age, but he doesn't push boundaries more than I'd expect of any three-year-old, and less than many Ive met.



He does not hurt other people...pretty much ever, unless it was an accident. He is quick to apologize. Active, adventurous, exploring his world, somewhat rough and tumble, but he is not what I would call a rough boy.



I can understand being concerned, but having a boy does not guarantee you will end up with a rough and tumble, dirty, hyperactive, aggressive kid. Some kids are like that, but not all, and nurture can have a lot to do with it, too.

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Autumn Whisper:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Amanda Farley:</b>" ... [snip!] ... dirty, hyperactive, aggressive kid. Some kids are like that, but not all, and nurture can have a lot to do with it, too."</blockquote>




After having three sweet and completely calm girls in a row, it is hard not to question whether it is a gender issue or not. But all of your replies have been helpful for the most part in placating the bulk of my concerns.



It is great to receive feedback that beyond the biological differences in my two boys, boys aren't necessarily all rough and wild.