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SO depressed Fluffy Mamma 2 kids; Provo, Utah 209 posts
28th Jan '13

When your SO is depressed, what do find is the best way to get them through/out of it? This isn't the first time he's had it, he's bipolar and it happens quite a bit, with different degrees of severity. But everytime his low point happens, we're always fighting. Just was hoping to find a way to get through it without the fighting.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 22466 posts
28th Jan '13

Give him space. Support him. Don't pick fights and don't participate if he wants to fight.



These are all things I would suggest.

Mom of 4 Little Boys! 4 kids; 2 angel babies; Hillsboro, Oregon 4617 posts
28th Jan '13

My DH also has bipolar and when he gets into one of his down bouts, I make him get up, get dressed and get out of the house. Even if its just to go drive around and look at the beautiful Pacific Northwest scenery. He always moans and groans the whole time until he is actually out and about. Then when we get home he thanks me for getting him out of the house.

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3030 posts
28th Jan '13

I know for myself when I go or start going into my low points my SO and I fight a lot.
I just let him know what's going on.
He gives me space.



Maybe you could ask your SO what you can do to make it not so difficult. If you find you cant talk to him while he's in one of his low points, maybe wait it out until he is on the up and discuss it then.

Jays*Mama 2 kids; Michigan 5658 posts
28th Jan '13

My DH got really depressed last year for several months. Nothing helped but giving him time. He even wanted to end our marriage...even though i knew it was the depression talking and i just fought for our marriage. When people are depressed they need alot of support, try to understand what hes going through, dont nag or do things to bug him...nagging and any little thing can set people off when they are depressed. Get him out of the house, tell him he can go hang out with friends, or suggest he go work out once a day if its possible....it releases the feel good hormone.

Fluffy Mamma 2 kids; Provo, Utah 209 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Momma of 2.:</b>" I know for myself when I go or start going into my low points my SO and I fight a lot. I just let him ... [snip!] ... you find you cant talk to him while he's in one of his low points, maybe wait it out until he is on the up and discuss it then."</blockquote>



I've tried the asking. He just tells me i don't know. Doesn't matter if low, high or middle. It's always i don't know.

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3030 posts
28th Jan '13

That a tough pickle.
Maybe he just needs space then. Is he on medications.
*by the way my question mark doesn't work...I just keep getting a

Fluffy Mamma 2 kids; Provo, Utah 209 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mom of 3 Little Boys!:</b>" My DH also has bipolar and when he gets into one of his down bouts, I make him get up, get dressed and ... [snip!] ... groans the whole time until he is actually out and about. Then when we get home he thanks me for getting him out of the house. "</blockquote>




What about when he flat out refuses? I was told once that moving around is best to fight it, but who I suggest something, he just tells me no way and rolls over. Any further prodding produces the blow up. Guess I'll put have to try the space thing. Seems like I'm always doing the space thing. Haha.

Mom of 4 Little Boys! 4 kids; 2 angel babies; Hillsboro, Oregon 4617 posts
28th Jan '13

Yeah, he will do that sometimes too and I basically just give up and leave him alone. It doesn't happen often though thank God!

Fluffy Mamma 2 kids; Provo, Utah 209 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Momma of 2.:</b>" That a tough pickle. Maybe he just needs space then. Is he on medications. *by the way my question mark ... [snip!] ... if only he knew, I'm sure the fighting doesn't help his depression. I always feel worse when I'm depressed and SO and I fight."</blockquote>



Yeah, he's on his meds. I know at this point we've been unemployed for almost a month ( he's the only one working at the moment) an we're ending up having to move in with my parents for an unknown amount of time. I'm sure that started the downward spiral. While at my parents' I'll be going back to school so that, in the end, we'll either have two full-time incomes or just me an he gets his disability that many of his mental health case workers suggest cause he keeps bouncing jobs from his ups and downs. So maybe the feeling of lost manhood or something. Idk. Overtime i try to find out anything, it's i don't know why.

Fluffy Mamma 2 kids; Provo, Utah 209 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mom of 3 Little Boys!:</b>" Yeah, he will do that sometimes too and I basically just give up and leave him alone. It doesn't happen often though thank God!"</blockquote>




Does it ever feel like you're always having to just do stuff like kids an life on your own because he's always having to deal with either ups or downs and can't focus on much else?

Mom of 4 Little Boys! 4 kids; 2 angel babies; Hillsboro, Oregon 4617 posts
28th Jan '13
Quoting Fluffy Mamma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mom of 3 Little Boys!:</b>" Yeah, he will do that sometimes ... [snip!] ... stuff like kids an life on your own because he's always having to deal with either ups or downs and can't focus on much else?"


Well, I don't know what is worse, his ups and downs or the fact that his meds make him have no motivation whatsoever. When he isn't sleeping or working he does nothing but play on the computer or Angry Birds on the cell phone all day. He has unfinished projects all over the house and can go months without doing yard work. Granted I can get him to go out and do something on the weekends but the rest of the time he does nothing. Its starting to get really annoying and makes me depressed dealing with it.

Fluffy Mamma 2 kids; Provo, Utah 209 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mom of 3 Little Boys!:</b>" Well, I don't know what is worse, his ups and downs or the fact that his meds make him have no motivation ... [snip!] ... weekends but the rest of the time he does nothing. Its starting to get really annoying and makes me depressed dealing with it."</blockquote>




He's exactly the same, well, with motivation. He's let slip before that if i can do it all, and have been doing it all, why should he suddenly do stuff? When confronted he tried to say it was a joke, but i tend to find that more often than not it's always truth. He doesn't have projects sitting around, mostly cause he just doesn't ever have motivation to do anything but xbox. Even his manic times is sending money on his xbox. Because of the lack is why I'm now having to do work and I'm, quite frankly, scared to start. Because unless there's a miracle, I'll probably end up full-time work, full-time parent and full-time homekeeper. Mixed with all the swings and meds and motivation problems is the idea that house stuff is not fun and woman's work an i can handle the kids, so why bother? Ugh. :/

Mom of 4 Little Boys! 4 kids; 2 angel babies; Hillsboro, Oregon 4617 posts
28th Jan '13
Quoting Fluffy Mamma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mom of 3 Little Boys!:</b>" Well, I don't know what is worse, ... [snip!] ... motivation problems is the idea that house stuff is not fun and woman's work an i can handle the kids, so why bother? Ugh. :/"


Yeah, it definitely sucks dealing with all that. Sometimes I wish I could just up and leave but I really have nothing to fall back on or anywhere to go. It really sucks sometimes but I am trying to be strong and hope it will some day get better.

Fluffy Mamma 2 kids; Provo, Utah 209 posts
28th Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mom of 3 Little Boys!:</b>" Yeah, it definitely sucks dealing with all that. Sometimes I wish I could just up and leave but I really ... [snip!] ... to fall back on or anywhere to go. It really sucks sometimes but I am trying to be strong and hope it will some day get better."</blockquote>




I'm sure it will for both of us. I guess I wouldn't have been given this companion i I wasn't able to handle it an everything that comes with him. It can get kinda lonely and sad sometimes, though.