Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:" Every other week just doesn't work for me. LO's have absolutely no structure when they are with him. ... [snip!] ... lose lose battle because unless I am with them 24/7 I don't see how I can enforce a proper bedtime and diet for them both.. :/"
Honestly this what most single mom's go through.
Quoting The Doctor:" Yep! But mediation is worth a shot."
Oh it def is! We didn't do mediation because we sat down and came up with something together to try and see if it worked. Fortunately for us it did and things are going well.
Quoting The Doctor:" Unfortanately, probably none of those things are going to keep him from having time with them. I know ... [snip!] ... views are: unless they're abusing or neglecting the child-- they can parent as they please when the child(ren) are with them."
Haha!! And that's the worst part.. :/
Seriously my BD was using my kids to traffic marijuana through out the town, but since he wasn't harming them/neglecting them even though they were around mouse feces, cockroaches and just an all together unhealthy environment with Audrianna having breathing problems it didn't matter. He still got visitation only reduced because he didn't have a place to live.
Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:" Haha!! And that's the worst part.. :/"
Yeah, trust me. I have complete sympathy... my BD is a tool bag, but I can't control what he does and doesn't do with DD. It's frustrating, it's stressful... but that's what happens, unfortunately.
Maybe if you go through mediation you'll both be able to voice your concerns, maybe it will even make things better.
Quoting JessCleavage:" You can't. I've had to learn a lot of patience with my ex. He is getting better but for a while he ... [snip!] ... him, but seeing how much my ex has changed has really opened up my eyes to the fact that you can teach an old dog new tricks."
I'll admit I am extremely selfish right now. I don't want them to stay with their dad over night at all. But when we split we did agree on every other weekend, and that is what I am sticking with. He has gotten them a few times over night when it wasn't his 'time' because I had class or something. Other than that I just hate giving in. I'm not saying that I would deny him of seeing them ever. But if I already have plans and everything then I'm not going to drop them to fit around his schedule. He lives an hour away so relying on him to watch them all the time when I have something to do just isn't reliable.
Quoting The Doctor:" Yeah, trust me. I have complete sympathy... my BD is a tool bag, but I can't control what he does and ... [snip!] ... Maybe if you go through mediation you'll both be able to voice your concerns, maybe it will even make things better."
Maybe.. and hopefully!! This whole situation has become extremely stressful in just a matter of weeks.
Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:" I'll admit I am extremely selfish right now. I don't want them to stay with their dad over night at ... [snip!] ... schedule. He lives an hour away so relying on him to watch them all the time when I have something to do just isn't reliable. "
It's normal to be selfish. I'm not saying the way you feel is wrong cause I went through it too. I'm just saying that you have to be willing to give him a chance to prove himself as a father. When I first left my ex, we also decided on every other weekend but after a while that got hectic and we sat down and talked to each other and worked out another plan. All of this was done with the understanding that I would be paying attention and documenting everything and if I thought for one minute that my daughter wasn't being taken care of, I'd take him back to court. Everything has been fine and we haven't had any issues.
Quoting JessCleavage:" It's normal to be selfish. I'm not saying the way you feel is wrong cause I went through it too. I'm ... [snip!] ... my daughter wasn't being taken care of, I'd take him back to court. Everything has been fine and we haven't had any issues."
I totally agree... And it isnt a bad thing if his parents want to keep the kids over night. Its letting the kids know there other grandparents. I agree with everythign else all the other moms have said. We all go through the selfish stage, but then you get tired of doing everything by yourself that you are willing for them to spend the night somewhere. lol. Im totally guilty of that. lol.
Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:" BD and I have two LO's together. We recently separated a month ago, and with everything I have been through ... [snip!] ... And I mean both physical and legal custody of LO's. (sorry I just realized that I had put support rather than custody!!)"
I'm extremely fortunate that my ex actually wants to be in our children's lives and we're both focused on raising them together. Our agreement is, when he's out on deployments/underways (he's Navy) and whenever he has duty days (which is once a week), I keep the kids, if he's back on dry land, he'll have the kids. As of lately, I have the kids more than he does. But last year, as a whole, he had them more than I did (due to me always working and such). It kinda evens out.
Technically speaking, according to our decree, I have physical custody of them and we have joint legal custody of them.