Reply
Morgan Sanders Due July 11; Berthoud, Colorado 63 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting applelove:" Um its too late for all that. You know what a lot of guys act weird when their partner is pregnant. ... [snip!] ... and lean how to be ok with that. When that baby gets here it will mean so much to you that you will do anything for it. "


Thanks, it helps a lot. :/ I definitely have a lot to figure out. I've already gotten to the point where I no longer try to contact him to spend time together, I really only call or text him to make him aware of appointments and leave it at that. I've known for awhile it probably wasn't going to work, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one who thought it wasn't right to stay with him, because part of me felt guilty when i thought of leaving him, because i felt this obligation to stay so my baby would have both parents. But everyone is right, i'd much rather have my child in a safe and stable environment with ONE parent, than a crazy, alcoholic never- know- whats- gonna- happen- next one with two parents.

κατι 1 child; Memphis, Tennessee 3143 posts
2nd Feb '13

Leave his no good ass. You're still young you just need to be focused on your baby.

Morgan Sanders Due July 11; Berthoud, Colorado 63 posts
2nd Feb '13

ssssssssss

κατι 1 child; Memphis, Tennessee 3143 posts
2nd Feb '13

You're not being selfish at all. That would be the best thing for you and LO.

applelove 1 child; auburn, CA, United States 6529 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting Morgan Sanders:" Thanks, it helps a lot. :/ I definitely have a lot to figure out. I've already gotten to the point where ... [snip!] ... and stable environment with ONE parent, than a crazy, alcoholic never- know- whats- gonna- happen- next one with two parents."


If you pushed for you and him to stay together he would probably leave anyway but just pretend that he does stay.



When domestic violence shows up it is almost ALWAYS there to stay. Then abuser has to be very committed to change and it often dose not show up so early. In his situation it might only be from drinking till he is blacked out.. he might not do that if he was sober.... but anyway



He is not sober and will not be! Do not let your self think he will be unless he joins a program or goes into treatment. He is not ready to stop and that is what he said so please believe him. He wants to keep drinking and it will keep bring out this temper.



Being raised in a domestic violence situation rather it is verbal or physical is extremely damaging. Think... were you raised in a situation like that, I hope not, but sadly it is a cycle. :(



http://www.domesticviolenceroundtable.org/effect-on-children.html



"Children from violent homes have higher risks of alcohol/drug abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, and juvenile delinquency. Witnessing domestic violence is the single best predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality. It is also the number one reason children run away."



I know this is not how you dreamed it to be. And your whole life is not going to be what you dreamed. But you deserve so very much better. Someone who loves you and your family and wants to give you the world. You will find him. You are young... it takes time. I found mine when I was 29.



You will have a lot of very hard times but also a lot of very happy times... You can do so much with your life and give your love to someone who deserves it.



Don't be scared you will be OK! I know you will



and I think your having a boy :)

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting Morgan Sanders:" I'm scared to leave because this is my first baby, and I'm very young and to be quite honest I'm scared ... [snip!] ... messes/ falls asleep all over the place! I have to get this fairytale out of my head and accept he's not going to change. "

Honestly I'd be more scared to do it WITH him than alone. For real.

κατι 1 child; Memphis, Tennessee 3143 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting justanothamotha:" Honestly I'd be more scared to do it WITH him than alone. For real."


:!:

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
2nd Feb '13

Having his baby isn't going to change him, having him there and acting like this is just going to make it harder. A good dad is going to be a good dad whether you're with him or not. A bad dad is going to be a bad dad whether you're with him or not.

Morgan Sanders Due July 11; Berthoud, Colorado 63 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting applelove:" If you pushed for you and him to stay together he would probably leave anyway but just pretend that ... [snip!] ... give your love to someone who deserves it. Don't be scared you will be OK! I know you will and I think your having a boy :)"



Thank you so much for your words, they mean A LOT. It is funny that you say that, because EVERYONE thinks I'm having a boy, and I'm over here praying for a girl >.<

applelove 1 child; auburn, CA, United States 6529 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting Morgan Sanders:" Thank you so much for your words, they mean A LOT. It is funny that you say that, because EVERYONE thinks I'm having a boy, and I'm over here praying for a girl >.<"

I am psychic... I feel emotions. Not very often online though

babymama0324 USA 579 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting Morgan Sanders:" I'm scared to leave because this is my first baby, and I'm very young and to be quite honest I'm scared ... [snip!] ... messes/ falls asleep all over the place! I have to get this fairytale out of my head and accept he's not going to change. "


Im kind of in the same situation and its hard, I never once thought id be in an abusive relationship i always said if a man hit me then id leave. Problem is i cant seem to leave :( my bf is so bipolar and he can be sweetest guy ever and then he gets mad and flips... hes trying to workon it but idont think he ever will change. I cried myself to sleep last night just praying for help. I want to be with him I love him but i hate the way he acts sometimes. He can be the nicest guy ever at times but then the beast comes out. But i think if i was pregnant i would have to get out of there I would not put my child through that and the risk of loosing it.
Girl im here if u ever wanna message me and talk i know its hard but be strong and becareful!

MyPurrrtyBabies 3 kids; Alabama 8386 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" A good dad is going to be a good dad whether you're with him or not. A bad dad is going to be a bad dad whether you're with him or not."


Exactly.

Morgan Sanders Due July 11; Berthoud, Colorado 63 posts
2nd Feb '13
Quoting babymama0324:" Im kind of in the same situation and its hard, I never once thought id be in an abusive relationship ... [snip!] ... and the risk of loosing it. Girl im here if u ever wanna message me and talk i know its hard but be strong and becareful!"


Exactly. I always thought the same thing, I always told myself I'd NEVER be in a relationship where I was degraded or ever physically hurt, but now that I'm in it it's hard finding a way out. As easy as most women think it is, it really is not that easy for some of us. I am a very strong person, but when it comes to this i have no backbone whatsoever. He calls me these names sometimes that make me feel SO worthless that I feel that NO ONE else going to want me and there's no point in leaving. But, when his mom takes HIS SIDE like she usually does, it makes me feel like a crazy person! All these other people are telling me I've done nothing wrong, and to leave and etc., then he does these things and his mom thinks I'M the one in the wrong, which makes me wonder if I'm crazy and she's right!

~Raylan's Mama~ 1 child; Tennessee 2116 posts
2nd Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Morgan Sanders:</b>" I'm scared to leave because this is my first baby, and I'm very young and to be quite honest I'm scared ... [snip!] ... messes/ falls asleep all over the place! I have to get this fairytale out of my head and accept he's not going to change. "</blockquote>




Being a young single mom is better than trying to make it work with someone who is abusive. I've been in abusive relationships and trust me it WILL get worse! Think about this...say you stay together, he manages to not abuse you to a point of miscarriage, you have the baby...what happens when that baby won't stop crying and he gets pissed off at the baby?



You need to leave...and before you get in to deep. The longer you stay the harder it will be.



Being a mom isn't easy...that's why they have these sites for support and advice. Not all the women are all rays and sunshine, but that's just how life works lol. I hope you do the right thing for you and your baby!!!

Kyan&Nate Due February 25; 1 child; Australia 142 posts
2nd Feb '13

I was in a violent relationship for two years when I fell pregnant, the last straw for me was when he said, "you better get out there and make me breakfast before I hit you with that plank of wood". The first thing that went through my head was the baby, I was around seven weeks pregnant at the time. I walked out and went to live with my mum. I had my first ultrasound a week later (8 weeks) and he never showed up. He had a new girlfriend within three days and she was more important. he was never involved, when I got pregnant, I realised that the baby was more important to me than he was and it was hard for me to leave but in my heart, I knee it was the right thing to do. I cried non stop for weeks but eventually I picked myself up and got my life back on track.
I know what it's like to want a "fairy tale" romance and life but it's not always the reality that we face. The reality now is, you have a previous life inside of you and a guy that doesn't want to be involved. At the end of the day, you can't force him to care and you can't force him to participate. Thats his choice to make and frankly his mistake to make.
You might be scared right now, but being on your own isn't all that bad. Some of the most amazing mums I know are doing it on their own. it won't be easy, but if it's whats best for the baby, then out will be worth it eventually.