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Do we try to work it out or break up? Kait. 3 kids; Iowa 2345 posts
4th Feb '13

My SO and I have been together for 3 years now and are supposed to be getting married in two months. Lately our relationship has gone to shit. We have two children together and he has a daughter from a previous relationship that I raise as my own because her mother hasn't called in almost 4 years. Her mom was recently court ordered to see her and I know that adds a lot of stress to both of us. Anyway, we are so stressed between him going to school from 6am-noon then straight to work until 8pm. I sit home with the kids and never get a break, which usually isn't bad but sometimes I just need an adult conversation or SOMETHING. Anyway, we have been arguing every single day for the past couple months. He has a porn addiction and it makes me feel like major shit.... he knows this and I asked him to stop watching it..I've caught him three times since then (two months ago)... he acts like he is going to stop and "he doesn't know why he does it, it makes him feel better about himself."... it makes me cry. I've had two kids and even though I'm fit and I have no stretch marks, I still feel like the most disgusting person in the world. A lot of that has to do with him putting me down all the time and I was abused emotionally and psychically growing up so my mindset is still there in a way. He LIES to me about it too and then eventually admits it so that always makes me feel even worse.
We argue about things that don't need to be an argument and they turn into us saying things we don't mean. The other day our daughter was standing on the chair so he went over there and lightly slapped her hand and I made some comment (along the lines of it was unnecessary) and he said "shut up or I'll beat your ass too." He has NEVER laid a hand on me and I honestly don't think he ever would, but the fact he said that has made me so uncomfortable....
We went on trip with our wedding party this weekend and he didn't say one word to me because we got into an argument right before leaving. It was one of the worst weekends ever. We were supposed to be all lovey and celebrating our marriage and we didn't even talk... this weekend has really opened my eyes and now I'm torn. I f**king love him..it's just that I don't 'like' him a lot of the time. I can't imagine life without him and without our family being together. That's the hardest thing for me to grasp. It makes me cry just thinking about not getting to see my kids 24/7 and not having a family. We used to be so happy... I don't know what happened :(

EnnaBennaBanana 2 kids; Maryland 6168 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting Kait.:" My SO and I have been together for 3 years now and are supposed to be getting married in two months. ... [snip!] ... about not getting to see my kids 24/7 and not having a family. We used to be so happy... I don't know what happened :( "


For the porn.. I would talk to him about how you love him and want to marry him.. but not like this.. not with him lying about porn all the time and all that.
I don't like porn for religious and non religious reasons both. And I would not want to be with someone who felt differently then me about it. There are some churches that offer free counseling.. and premarital programs I would def look into it and do that with him. Also some churches have groups for men with porn issues.. to help them stop with that habit and give them support. Celebrate recovery is one group he can join at church you can look it up.. alot of churches have it. If he's struggling with porn he can join and they can help him stop.

Booger & Bubba's Mommy 18 kids; Illinois 8136 posts
4th Feb '13

Work it out. Get consoling before your marriage date. Living with someone, raising kids together isn't easy, working & going to school also isn't easy.



There are NATURAL highs & lows in every relationship. Too many people give up without even trying. That is why the divorce rate is creeping up towards 60%.




My SO & I have been together 17yrs. It isn't easy, we aren't married but we have more of a commitment than most married couples anyway.

Boobo&bugs Due September 24; 1 child; Simpsonville, South Carolina 5609 posts
4th Feb '13

Go to couples therapy if you want to work on your relationship and stay together. He needs professional help for the porn addiction. He isn't just going to quit if he actually is addicted. Personally I would have left when he said he'd beat my ass too. It's verbal abuse. I've been in an abusive relationship before and it always started with a comment like that. If it were me I'd leave. But it's a choice you have to make on your own for yourself.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36449 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting Booger & Bubba's Mommy:" Work it out. Get consoling before your marriage date. Living with someone, raising kids together isn't ... [snip!] ... I have been together 17yrs. It isn't easy, we aren't married but we have more of a commitment than most married couples anyway."


This.



I would honestly call off the wedding until you two can work things out.

user banned 1 child; Boston, Massachusetts 30985 posts
4th Feb '13

if he's never hit you, and you know he never would --- come on, get over the comment. i'd laugh if my husband said that to me. it sounds like something that might come out of his mouth. we say foul dirty mean stuff to eachother though (all in good fun).



in my opinion you're not at anywhere near divorce yet. those problems you listed are you fixable. its also two sided... YOU need to change too.



you know what they say.. if you meet an a*****e in the morning, you probably just met an a*****e.. if you meet a*****es all day... well, you're probably the a*****e.