Reply
How do you single moms do it? BabyBeck 1 child; Minnesota 138 posts
4th Feb '13

SO and I have been fighting constantly lately and talk about spliting up has come up multiple times. Our LO just turned one. Well here's my problem, I live in "his house" my name is on it but he had it before I came, which is fine I will leave....But where so I go? We are living 30 miles from my home town. How do I go about getting a place of my own and being able to afford it? I am so taking the child he has barely helped in raising him and when I have let him watch him alone he usually drinks!! SO has drinking problem not growing up problem.
The other bad part is I got laid off from my job when I had LO so I started working with SO for his parents so I will most definately need a new job and I am not quailfied for much so if I do leave and find a place to live how to afford it? Plus I love the daycare LO is at right now so thats another stinker!!
So how did you ladies leave and make it work? I am not scared to raise my child alone just scared of how to make ends meet!

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
4th Feb '13

They can't fire you because you're not dating their son anymore.



I doubt they'd want to when you're providing for their grandchild.



As far as not growing up, that's not something you can control, and as the father of your child, he will likely have a right to be alone with his child.

BabyBeck 1 child; Minnesota 138 posts
4th Feb '13

I will let him see his son still. I hope that if this goes down it will be easy and no big court deal about custody as I will let him have time. Just wondering how single moms make it work? odds are I will want a different job if we do split up then I won't have to see him more than I have to! But I doubt I will get a job that pays more then $10 and hour how do people pay their bills off that?

IOnlyMakeBoys (B.B.M) 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Texas 4754 posts
4th Feb '13

If your name is on the house and you have your child by all rights he is the one that would need to leave

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting BabyBeck:" I will let him see his son still. I hope that if this goes down it will be easy and no big court deal ... [snip!] ... him more than I have to! But I doubt I will get a job that pays more then $10 and hour how do people pay their bills off that?"


You will need to have the courts involved. It will save you time and stress to have the courts dictate time so he's not constantly arguing with you about that and child support.



You do it by working your ass off to get the most you can, no matter how hard it is. Sometimes I worked 2 jobs. It's never easy, but it's not going to get easier.

None ya ;) 2 kids; Pennsylvania 10809 posts
4th Feb '13

You do what you have to do. My ex left me on our oldest son's 3rd bday (yeah he was awesome ugh) Packed up my two boys (2 and 3) and moved back to my home state. Got a job making 9 bucks an hr and for a little while I worked 2 jobs, we're living in a one bedroom apartment with no cable and on food stamps/childcare subsidy. 7 months later and I now have a MUCH better job making double that and will be off subsidy and food stamps this month :) It is HARD work but you do whatever is necessary to make ends meet. Honestly the thought process of organizing everything was worse than reality, everything just kind of fell into place.

Thorian's Mommy 1 child; Westbrook, ME, United States 8411 posts
4th Feb '13

I would ask him to leave until he can help you find a place and help pay for it as child support. The way i look at it is its the babys house and you are his care provider so you must stay. it would be easier for him to leave. Since it was his house before than the both of you need to work together on finding a new place for you and LO and he should help support you. Once thats done then he canhave his place back.

~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~ 17 kids; Connecticut 15826 posts
5th Feb '13

You will do what many single moms have had to do until they catch up- get 1-2 jobs, apply for foodstamps or financial assistance through the state (Hey, as far as I'm concerned, many of the people on it don't deserve it and are just lazy, some people actually NEED it, and they are the ones who feel guilty about taking it.) Get used to JUST getting by on the bare necessities- That means no eating out, no coffees (hey, you'd be shocked how much a daily $4 coffee adds up in a month), no unnecessary spending, no cable, probably no internet- Just food, shelter and electricity. If you don't know how to sew- learn- you can mend things so you don't need to spend money, If you don't know how to cook from scratch- learn with simple recipes- it will save a TON of money- people don't usually realize how much pre-made foods cost them. make little changes here and there. You can DO it, it is hard but you can manage. Believe me. I've been on my own for a year now, after my divorce, and things have been hard as hell financially, but DD and I are 100% happier without the ex. Struggling a bit financially is worth it for happiness and not dealing with abuse. Good luck mama, you can do it :)

BabyBeck 1 child; Minnesota 138 posts
16th Feb '13
Quoting ~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~:" You will do what many single moms have had to do until they catch up- get 1-2 jobs, apply for foodstamps ... [snip!] ... the ex. Struggling a bit financially is worth it for happiness and not dealing with abuse. Good luck mama, you can do it :)"


I am most definatly a saver and not one to spend frivolously!! Last time I bought something other than groceries for myself was who know how long ago!! I know how to sew and don't need TV so I get that I would only need the basics!! It is super hard to think I might have to get food stamps and other help my friend was just telling me how much help there is out there and it is sad that people abuse that cuz I might be in need of that very shortly! I really just want out! We just put $1000 bucks in the bank on friday last week down to 200 and another week till we get paid again I am so pissed to look at the bank statement and see 15 atm withdrawals from the f**king bar!! This is why i need out he refuses to grow up, and I am so unhappy here at least hes gone most the time so when LO is up I am happy to be with him, and just get in a bad mood after he goes to sleep so I don't think he sences that! I also suck at interviews for jobs I get incredibly nervous I have basically worked for family so I never really had to do it before and I tried a few jobs before I started working with him and blew it! And the job market sucks everything seems to require a damn special degree or experiance. But I will do walmart if I have to! This is so not how I envisioned my life going but here I sit all alone cuz the dipshits at the bar getting drunk and I am angry thinking about how to get out!

user banned 1 child; Germany 12377 posts
16th Feb '13

I went on welfare, applied to school and got loans so I could get off welfare and get an education.