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Help. Feeling depressed and hopeless. BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
4th Feb '13

Hello. I need advice.
I have been married for 3 years. Right after we got married in 2010 I had found out my husband was addicted to porn, watching it while I sleep, while i showered, while I was at work(He knew before we were married I didn't like porn, it ruined my moms marriage, and he ended up cheating on her) He promised he never would again after he saw how bad it hurt me and we almost divorced. Well he is now at it again, and he lied about it. Im so crushed. I found it on his phone.(I had a huge gut feeling like I did last time) he said he felt like he couldn't talk to me about it. He also said he is horny ALL the time, he gets random erections(even while at work) he is 24(is this normal??)
We had sex on a Wednesday and by Saturday afternoon while I was at work he couldn't wait until I got off so he HAD to watch the porn/(He also says he doesn't mater-bate to it.. Am i dumb for believing him??)
Now recently he tells me he likes to look at other women(he said he doesn't "look" for them but if they are there he likes to look at them) Is that also normal(he says he does it a "couple times a day") After finding the porn i feel useless and ugly. I had a baby 10 weeks ago and I don't look like my normal self. I asked if they women he looks at, at least look like me and he said yes, then the next day he said yes and no. When we were about 1year married we got into a huge argument about him talking to other girls at work and giving them his phone number and them texting a LOT(3am, 5am, 2pm) and he told me he had a crush on another woman not her(she was exact opposite of me she was blonde hair, blue eyes, short and skinny.) Now im obsessing over the fact that what if he doesnt want me, what if he only keeps me because I satisfy him and I gave him his only baby. I love him so much and I dont want to loose him. But i hate myself I cant even look into the mirror to do my hair or make up with out being disgusted. I cry all the time, and I a;m happy one minute them i remember all the hurt and hate him. Im so confused. Im so sad. I feel like i have to please him every couple days or he will get it else where. (even though he says he wont cheat.)
What are you opinions on what I should do. I hate feeling like this. :(

LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16186 posts
4th Feb '13

Don't feel like if it's anything wrong with you. Men are very visual creatures so they look at porn to be visually stimulated, not because the women are hot, because most of the time they're gross. As for the other women, that's where it goes from fantasy to reality and he definitely crossed a line he should not have with texting and calling them. Talk to him, tell him how you feel and how he's making you feel. See if counseling is an option. Best wishes.

What's wrong, flat face? TTC since Jul 2012; 1 child; 3 angel babies; Texas 13678 posts
4th Feb '13

Honestly with all of that especially the texting other women that early in the morning I would leave and tell him that I am not coming back unless he wants to save our marriage. DH had a bad porn addiction but realized that keeping me was more important than his porn. We got him help and got him over his addiction. It sounds to me though like your husband has a sex addiction..

!!Katie!! 1 child; Tennessee 2794 posts
4th Feb '13

Uuugh. That's a tough one. A lot of men watch porn, it's not at all uncommon...but the fact that he's sneaking around behind your back when he knows how you feel about it...that's another issue entirely.



He says the reason he watches pron is because he gets erections all the time....yet he doesn't masturbate to it? Hmmmmm. That doesn't make any sense, and I don't buy it for one second.



Why else would he watch porn when he has an erection? To make the erection bigger? I mean , I'm sorry but coommmme on. lol

AngelGabriel'sMama 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 2103 posts
4th Feb '13

Honestly, I think the whole texting the co-worker he has a crush on thing is out of line. That wouldn't fly with me at all. As far as the sex/porn issue, BD and I used to have sex every. single. day. Maybe he was serious when he told you why he does it? I'm insecure as well, but I eventually felt okay with porn when I didn't feel like having sex. Sometimes it just meant a much-needed break for me. Talk to him and figure out a solution that's best for both of you (if that's possible). Good luck mama.

!!Katie!! 1 child; Tennessee 2794 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting AngelGabriel'sMama:" Honestly, I think the whole texting the co-worker he has a crush on thing is out of line. That wouldn't ... [snip!] ... break for me. Talk to him and figure out a solution that's best for both of you (if that's possible). Good luck mama."

Every. Single. Day? Omg, shoot me lol

AngelGabriel'sMama 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 2103 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting Katie[Cheeks Momma]:" Every. Single. Day? Omg, shoot me lol"

Lol right? Porn was a much needed vacation. :) "Oh, Jenna Jameson? Thank God!"

Mama Charli Due August 8; 6 kids; Texas 6387 posts
4th Feb '13

My DH is always horny..its completely normal. Im not the best person to be giving advice on this but here goes.To me, its just porn.Guys like to watch porn. If it bothers you and he is still watching it, try to talk to him about it more. Try watching it with him or something. There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe ask him if there is a way to spice up your sex life.

!!Katie!! 1 child; Tennessee 2794 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting AngelGabriel'sMama:" Lol right? Porn was a much needed vacation. :) "Oh, Jenna Jameson? Thank God!""


lol!! Seriously!! I don't really have a problem with DH watching porn either, but he's also honest with me about it.



Me: So did you watch porn while I was sleeping?
DH: Yeeaaaaahh...



lol

What's wrong, flat face? TTC since Jul 2012; 1 child; 3 angel babies; Texas 13678 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting Mama Charli:" My DH is always horny..its completely normal. Im not the best person to be giving advice on this but ... [snip!] ... watching it with him or something. There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe ask him if there is a way to spice up your sex life."

How is it normal for him to get erections in the middle of work? That isn't normal, that is something a child that is going through puberty does.

~Raylan's Mama~ 1 child; Tennessee 2116 posts
4th Feb '13

I feel as long as the porn isn't interfering with your sex life it's fine, however only if he's honest about it. I can understand why your SO didn't want to tell you tho. You have brought an experience your mother had into your relationship. It doesn't make it right that he lied tho!



My SO looks at other women all the time...seriously...ALL THE TIME!!! If there is a hot chick walking by us in a store he says "let's go that way"...he's very obvious and doesn't try to hide it from me. I get jealous sometimes because I am very I secure, but that's a battle within myself and as long as he's just looking he shouldn't be punished for it.



With the texting coworker thing...I think that would depend on the context of their conversations.

!!Katie!! 1 child; Tennessee 2794 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting ~Raylan's Mama~:" I feel as long as the porn isn't interfering with your sex life it's fine, however only if he's honest ... [snip!] ... be punished for it. With the texting coworker thing...I think that would depend on the context of their conversations."

Hmmmm. I don't know if I completely agree with this. If there is a hot chick in the store, I don't feel like he should be saying "lets go that way" with you right there. Don't you think that's a little bit disrespectful?

~Raylan's Mama~ 1 child; Tennessee 2116 posts
4th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Katie[Cheeks Momma]:</b>" Hmmmm. I don't know if I completely agree with this. If there is a hot chick in the store, I don't feel ... [snip!] ... don't feel like he should be saying "lets go that way" with you right there. Don't you think that's a little bit disrespectful?"</blockquote>



No, he says it jokingly (sorry I didn't say it that way)... & I just go the other way lol. I'd rather him say that to me than hide it from me that he's looking.

!!Katie!! 1 child; Tennessee 2794 posts
4th Feb '13
Quoting ~Raylan's Mama~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Katie[Cheeks Momma]:</b>" Hmmmm. I don't know if I completely ... [snip!] ... didn't say it that way)... & I just go the other way lol. I'd rather him say that to me than hide it from me that he's looking."

lol as long as it's a joke :wink: