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Would you tell her? Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
6th Feb '13

PLEASE DON'T QUOTE!

So, my BIL has this girl pregnant. I've been talking to the girl because well, I kind of feel sorry for her. She's always posting about how no one is there for her. Her family do not give a damn about her or her pregnancy. Etc. just depressing statuses like that on Facebook.

BIL does not think that the baby is his. Therefore, he wants nothing to do with her or the baby till the baby is born.

Talking to her, she asks me stuff about BIL yet I don't want to talk to her about him or get myself involved in their shit. You know, I just want to talk to her about the pregnancy and know how it's all going.

We live in different states so of course, we can only communicate through online. Mostly Facebook. Well, a couple of days ago she asked me that if (BIL's name) was to come over and visit us would I tell her. I didn't want to be rude so I replied, "Well I'm sure if he came here, you'd notice once he's not over there." To which she replied, "Well I'd still appreciate it if you told me, you're not like all his other family that have been very mean to me, etc. I really like you and I just want you to know that I see you as a friend now...etc."

Well BIL came yesterday. We couldn't have him staying with us for personal reason so we got him a hotel. I personally, thought he was going to be here for a week or so. Yet, today DH asked if I would consider having him stay with us till he got his feet on the ground. When I asked why, he said that because he is staying here permanently.

Now, back of my head is making me feel guilty because I maybe should let her know. Then another part of me feels like I'd be betraying my BIL if I went and told her. IDK.

I asked him about her and he said that once the baby is born (in five months). He'll go over there, take a paternity test and if it's his then he'll take care of the baby and pay child support.

What should I do?

PLEASE DON'T QUOTE!

JustMe&MyThree 3 kids; Chicago, Illinois 515 posts
6th Feb '13
Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):" PLEASE DON'T QUOTE! So, my BIL has this girl pregnant. I've been talking to the girl because well, ... [snip!] ... test and if it's his then he'll take care of the baby and pay child support. What should I do? PLEASE DON'T QUOTE!"


Stay out of it. Be nice to the girl and keep checking up on her because that's the right thing to do but don't be her mole you know? She needs to start getting over him because it's clear he plans to erase her from his life as much as possible. You giving her updates on him is only going to depress her more. I know because I just went through something similar... My BD started being an a*****e and trying to deny our baby and moved out of town and wanted his entire family to cut me off because he did. But his mom stuck by my side regardless. I would ask her about him and she would tell me what I wanted to know and somethings I didn't want to know and it was all very depressing because none of what she was telling me made me feel like he was working his way back to me and his baby. Now that's all different and resolved but it was resolved between me and BD. You should just keep it to yourself about him moving. She'll figure it out.

Inc0gnitus 2 kids; Anchorage, Alaska 4325 posts
6th Feb '13

Avoid getting into that situation like the plague.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
6th Feb '13

I'm trying to avoid it. I just don't really know how to reply when she asks me stuff about him. Like I think she's not buying the whole, "I really don't know" thing. He has a new girlfriend and she knows, was asking me for her name and I kept telling her I don't know. I've never seen her or talked to her. I don't think she bought it.

JustMe&MyThree 3 kids; Chicago, Illinois 515 posts
6th Feb '13
Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):" I'm trying to avoid it. I just don't really know how to reply when she asks me stuff about him. Like ... [snip!] ... asking me for her name and I kept telling her I don't know. I've never seen her or talked to her. I don't think she bought it."


It doesn't matter if she bought it. It's for the best. You can't put yourself in the middle and she can't expect you to. And once she sees she's not going to get any info out of you she'll stop asking and hopefully move on. I know she's probably extremely sad and searching for answers but if he won't talk to her then she should just be focusing on that baby and getting ready to be a mom

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
6th Feb '13
Quoting Brendan&Bethany'sMom:" It doesn't matter if she bought it. It's for the best. You can't put yourself in the middle and she ... [snip!] ... searching for answers but if he won't talk to her then she should just be focusing on that baby and getting ready to be a mom"


Yeah. They are both very immature. They're actually teenagers. :cry: Although, I kind of feel bad for her, some of her statuses make me want to tell her to STFU.

Like today, she wrote "Your ass will be paying child support in about five months. Mother f****r!! You better get ready because now your b***h ass is going to have no where to hide!!!"

Like okay woman, does everybody on your damn Facebook need to know that. :roll:



JustMe&MyThree 3 kids; Chicago, Illinois 515 posts
6th Feb '13
Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):" Yeah. They are both very immature. They're actually teenagers. :cry: Although, I kind of feel bad ... [snip!] ... going to have no where to hide!!!" Like okay woman, does everybody on your damn Facebook need to know that. :roll: "


Young and dumb. She'll have to grow up soon and he'll have to face the music soon. Maybe she was sleeping around but maybe he's just being a little jerk running from responsibility. I don't know them so I can't say but it's best you let them work it out on their own/

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
6th Feb '13
Quoting Brendan&Bethany'sMom:" Young and dumb. She'll have to grow up soon and he'll have to face the music soon. Maybe she was sleeping ... [snip!] ... little jerk running from responsibility. I don't know them so I can't say but it's best you let them work it out on their own/ "


I can tell you he's not running. I would not take care of a child who I did not believe was mine. I wouldn't expect for a man to take care of my child unless they were 100% sure the child was theirs. Either way, he only told me that it was a bet between him and his friends because she's known to sleep around. Both friend claim to have slept with her the same week he did.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
6th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):</b>" I'm trying to avoid it. I just don't really know how to reply when she asks me stuff about him. Like ... [snip!] ... asking me for her name and I kept telling her I don't know. I've never seen her or talked to her. I don't think she bought it."</blockquote>




Then instead of saying you don't know, tell her it's not your place to give her info about him, and that you're not going to.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
6th Feb '13
Quoting Mayhem.:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):</b>" I'm trying to avoid it. I just ... [snip!] ... Then instead of saying you don't know, tell her it's not your place to give her info about him, and that you're not going to."


That to me seems like something she'll take the wrong way. I'm trying to avoid having issues or arguments with her until the baby is her and we find if the baby is actually our family.

κατι 1 child; Memphis, Tennessee 3143 posts
6th Feb '13

I would pretend not to see her FB messages. I wouldn't read them at all,Since FB has changed and they know if you've seen the message.. But yeah I would avoid that drama. :?

JGordon2007 Due May 14; Olympia, Washington 12 posts
6th Feb '13

I would stay out of it. You dont want to be in the middle of that and him living with you would only make it worse

Momma +2 Girls 2 kids; Indiana 3612 posts
6th Feb '13

It sounds to me like she only wants to talk to you to get information on your brother. I guess id want to know where my BD is too but at the same time if he wanted her to know hed tell her. I wouldnt tell her anything.

GL♣PC♥BC Due May 5; 2 kids; Atlanta, GA, United States 9395 posts
6th Feb '13

Nope, not your business nor hers .. she hasn't had the baby yet, no reason she needs to know about his whereabouts or even contact him

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
6th Feb '13
Quoting κατι:" I would pretend not to see her FB messages. I wouldn't read them at all,Since FB has changed and they know if you've seen the message.. But yeah I would avoid that drama. :?"


This is actually a pretty good idea. I don't know why I hadn't thought of that. Thanks.