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Melissa Grace Due March 22; Oregon 72 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting justanothamotha:" Okay - so I had a 4th degree tear (which means through muscle) into my rectal muscle. It took about 2 ... [snip!] ... - I wasn't even there 25 hs after. The minimum they like is 24 & I was counting minutes with bags packed ready to go home."


oh wow. i realllyyyy hope things just go smoothly. Im getting super panicy D:
lol

MinnesotaMommy2One 1 child; Minnesota 2384 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting ~Raylan's Mama~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Melissa Grace:</b>" if you say so... "</blockquote> ... [snip!] ... out! That's what happens when you have sex! And if you find it weird you probably shouldn't be having sex and reproducing."

agreed! And your daughter should definitely come before your bf, so maybe he won't be able to suck on your tits for the year while your daughter is nursing. oh well.

Rette Mich 1 child; Texas 27601 posts
7th Feb '13

OP dont listen to people that seem to think they know everything and think other people arent allowed to have issues. You do what YOU feel is best. Hell even if you end up going with formula its totally fine because its what you want. Screw anyone who doesnt agree because frankly they dont matter one little bit.

~Raylan's Mama~ 1 child; Tennessee 2114 posts
7th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Melissa Grace:</b>" ever heard of tokophobia?? it was first introduced to me in the 3rd grade when i showed up on my first ... [snip!] ... my phobia, says enough for me. breast milk is breast milk, who f**king cares if it comes in a bottle or directly from my tit. "</blockquote>



I didn't say a damn thing about breastfeeding in my last comment. I couldn't care less if you formula fed or breast fed. It is better to feed at the breast because it helps keep your supply up better than pumping would, but you're gonna do what, you're gonna do. I RECOMMENDED in my first comment that you TRY it first because you're feelings could change about it.

Asacia Norris 1 child; Fort Wayne, Indiana 301 posts
7th Feb '13

I was only asking because of the fact that you may not be successful at it unless you put her to the breast. However, after listening to your rant I do find it strange that you can be experiencing the most amazing thing you EVER will in your life and your child's movements make you sick. Phobia or not, you are blessed and you should recognize that. If you aren't experiencing any motherly instincts by now then I can't imagine how you are going to react with your child once she enters the world. I do not want to try and hurt your feelings or be a jerk to you, but this is the truth. I would suggest continuing to talk to someone about these things or you may experience some serious issues after she is here. And that isn't fair to her. Sex = baby....so if it frightened you why wouldn't you take the appropriate measures to prevent it? I'm just confused by all of this....

Rette Mich 1 child; Texas 27601 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting Asacia Norris:" I was only asking because of the fact that you may not be successful at it unless you put her to the ... [snip!] ... if it frightened you why wouldn't you take the appropriate measures to prevent it? I'm just confused by all of this...."


Ohhh just shut up. Just becasue you dont understand doesnt mean anything. Its not always a "beautiful" thing. Sometimes its a shit storm and all you can do is just find a way through it. I mean really? Shaming a first time scared mom.....

Melissa Grace Due March 22; Oregon 72 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting Asacia Norris:" I was only asking because of the fact that you may not be successful at it unless you put her to the ... [snip!] ... if it frightened you why wouldn't you take the appropriate measures to prevent it? I'm just confused by all of this...."


depo shot and condoms. i had planned to adopt when i was older. Phobias ah phobia, i didnt choose it. and just because i dont like it, doesnt mean i dont feel for my child. I love her, just not inside me.

Melissa Grace Due March 22; Oregon 72 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting Rette Mich:" Ohhh just shut up. Just becasue you dont understand doesnt mean anything. Its not always a "beautiful" ... [snip!] ... its a shit storm and all you can do is just find a way through it. I mean really? Shaming a first time scared mom....."


I get alot of shit for not being super thrilled over pregnancy. I got cussed out at a birth class because i use one hand to hold my wrist and place them on top of my head because i dont like to touch my stomach. most people look at me like im just complete shit.



I know i love my daughter, i dream about her and what she'll be like all the time.
It makes all this worth it, couse in the end. ill have her and pregnancy will be a distant memory.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting Melissa Grace:" depo shot and condoms. i had planned to adopt when i was older. Phobias ah phobia, i didnt choose it. ... [snip!] ... i didnt choose it. and just because i dont like it, doesnt mean i dont feel for my child. I love her, just not inside me."

Just to be clear though this is more than tokophobia if you have breastfeeding phobia mixed into it & sexual issues while pregnant & such. I had tokophpbia, for sure. All that means you have a fear of pregnancy, labor/delivery. My dad's cousin died in childbirth when I was 10. It was pretty scarring to me & very very scary. I had panic attacks every time my sisters would have another baby (I was the youngest) - AM the youngest - lol...anyway....what helped me was two things - seek a counselor AND read up on freebirthing stories...where women birth empowered & completely alone. By the time you read enough stories you will figure that if all these women can choose to do it alone & do it...well then hell, I can certainly do it with a ton of medical help available at a moments notice if anything were to go wrong. I also don't enjoy pregnancy, but it doesn't scare me off from sex or anything. Again, that starts being bigger than just tokophobia & there is help for irrational fears.

Rette Mich 1 child; Texas 27601 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting Melissa Grace:" I get alot of shit for not being super thrilled over pregnancy. I got cussed out at a birth class because ... [snip!] ... she'll be like all the time. It makes all this worth it, couse in the end. ill have her and pregnancy will be a distant memory."


I was back and forth during mine. I had issues and didnt even want Drs to look at or touch me. And then other times I loved it. Like it said its a storm. It honestly feels like it was just yesterday and my son is 4 1/2. Pregnancy is not always a lovely thing.

Melissa Grace Due March 22; Oregon 72 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting justanothamotha:" Just to be clear though this is more than tokophobia if you have breastfeeding phobia mixed into it & ... [snip!] ... me off from sex or anything. Again, that starts being bigger than just tokophobia & there is help for irrational fears."


Im ah totaly prude because of bad childhood expirences. i didnt feel the need to put myself on blast but, yea. I dont like to associate anything of a sexual nature with a child. My hope is that once ive healed things will go back to normal and i can cont my sexual life as it was.



But ive been seeing a counciler for years, once a week. He's ah great help. This was a total "how the f**k did that happen?". depo and condoms but still I never planned on abortion, it never even crossed my mind. Luke (my counciler) tought me alot of breathing techniques and told me to picture her when ever i feel panicy. They help alot alot..
a little off subject but, the ultrasounds where prolly the calmest ive felt this entire time. Seeing her suck on her fingers was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting Melissa Grace:" Im ah totaly prude because of bad childhood expirences. i didnt feel the need to put myself on blast ... [snip!] ... where prolly the calmest ive felt this entire time. Seeing her suck on her fingers was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen. "

I really think the freebirthing stories would help you. I'd read them, have a minor freak out, calm down & read another. Once you can read it without freaking out, move on to watching birth videos. It is just a process of desensitization like nay other phobias. Actual phobias shouldn't take years to resolve. If you are willing to actually face them, they actually go away relatively quickly.



I've had plenty of bad experiences in childhood myself. It was not an real issue wit nursing once my child was here. I just jumped in with both feet RIGHT following birth & from there it was fine. One thing that might help you is to research breast fetish stuff & realize that the Western cultures are nearly the only ones on the whole planet that see breasts sexually. The vast majority of the world doesn't have this issue at all & do not understand what our issue is with seeing b**bs as sexual. In fact some women from a particular tribe in Africa (when asked about breast & sexuality) wanted to know what other ways Western men like to be treated like babies & thought it was totally perverse they were into breasts, the same way we might cringe at a man who wants us to change his diaper as part of foreplay. So equating that you don't want to breastfeed because of a sexual component to breasts is rather backward from a biology standpoint. Their primary function is for feeding our offspring. It would make better sense to be turned off by them sexually because they are baby feeders than to say they can't be baby feeders because your man likes them.



And I don't know your history, but I know mine. I live my life that those that hurt me, hurt me THEN - they took what they took & did what they did. TODAY I live MY life - and I refuse to let them to continue to dictate my decisions or to take one more thing from me - ever. I would not let them shortchange me or my child from this. I won't give them one more inch of power or control or say so in my life. I can't undo the past - I DO drive the future, every inch of it.

Melissa Grace Due March 22; Oregon 72 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting justanothamotha:" I really think the freebirthing stories would help you. I'd read them, have a minor freak out, calm down ... [snip!] ... them one more inch of power or control or say so in my life. I can't undo the past - I DO drive the future, every inch of it."


I think im deff doing alot better then i was. slow process but unlike in the 3rd grade, i dont puke every time i see a pregnant women lol Luke reads to me, thus far theyve been like, detailed discriptions of pregnancy or childbirth, then talks me threw whatever emotion is going threw my head. We're kinda slowly working our way in, because i have been known to walk out on him and skip weeks if i get pushed to far. but i forgive the people who have caused me alot of bad childhood memories, i understand that anyone capable such monsterous acts is clearly sick. I dont hold anymore hate in my heart. but they do still have some hold on my memories. as i grow older it does fade thow.. I have to admit thow, i was COMPLETELY against breast feeding of any kind at first but between luke and my mom theyve talked me into a breast pump. not quite full on baby to b**b but, progress lol

Mama On The Run 3 kids; 760 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting ~Raylan's Mama~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Melissa Grace:</b>" if you say so... "</blockquote> ... [snip!] ... out! That's what happens when you have sex! And if you find it weird you probably shouldn't be having sex and reproducing."


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

someonesangel Due April 19; Kansas City, Kansas 213 posts
7th Feb '13
Quoting Melissa Grace:" to be honest, b**b action is a super sexual thing for me. and i just, no lol i cant have my child in my though process at all when it comes to my b**bs. I feel like it would totaly ruin it for me "


Nothing wrong with not wanting a baby on your b**b. I'm going to breast bottle feed. Its not because my b**bs are that sexual to me, I just don't want to do it that way. It doesn't matter how you give it, its just a good thing if you do.