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Mom of Tristan/Rayah/Keat 3 kids; Alberta 2068 posts
9th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. God of Thunder:</b>" I'd still leave the relationship if I wasn't happy. Him not being there is his own fault, and trying to make you feel bad about it is just childish. Him being a father should be his main concern."</blockquote>




This!



If your not happy you can't stay just for your child and so that his father can still be in his life. It is up to his father to make a point to do so if you are together or not.

ILOVEWINE Due April 24; 2 kids; Sweden 10814 posts
10th Feb '13

Stay and go to counsling.

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
10th Feb '13

To those that said counseling, what if you've been unhappy for some time?



Or...
What if he was unwilling?

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" To those that said counseling, what if you've been unhappy for some time? Or... What if he was unwilling?"



Both people have to be willing to be open minded and listen to an outside source. If both parties are not willing, it's a waste of time and effort.

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" To those that said counseling, what if you've been unhappy for some time? Or... What if he was unwilling?"


Unhappy for sometime....then counselling is still an option...it doesn't matter how long you have been unhappy that is always still an option



If he was unwilling then ya know what he isn't worth my time or our kids' time to be stuck in a miserable relationship.

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
10th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" Both people have to be willing to be open minded and listen to an outside source. If both parties are not willing, it's a waste of time and effort. "</blockquote>




This is true. I just need to know that I tried. I feel like I've given up on him and that's not fair to him. I don't know.

FriendsOffBitch Calgary, Alberta 6867 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" Yes...but my kid is not. How the hell do you handle a 4 year old asking for their daddy? I am literally tearing up thinking about the possibility of having to do that."


If you're miserable, and feel your relationship is unfixable, then I would leave.



Cross the bridge with your son, when you get to it.

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" Both people have to be willing to be open ... [snip!] ... This is true. I just need to know that I tried. I feel like I've given up on him and that's not fair to him. I don't know."


How have you not tried?



Have you tried?



Is he making you feel like you haven't tried when you have?



Have he tried?

Lauralie89 3 kids; Pennsylvania 2244 posts
10th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. God of Thunder:</b>" I'd still leave the relationship if I wasn't happy. Him not being there is his own fault, and trying to make you feel bad about it is just childish. Him being a father should be his main concern."</blockquote>




Yes, all of this

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
10th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" How have you not tried? Have you tried? Is he making you feel like you haven't tried when you have? Have he tried?"</blockquote>




When I was trying, he wasn't. It took me telling him that we were over for him to make a serious attempt to save our relationship. To me it feels too late. He is trying, yes...but I feel like I'm done trying. I told him I would try one more time buy couldn't guarantee feelings coming back...but I don't even Want to try. That makes me feel awful.

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" How have you not tried? Have you tried? ... [snip!] ... I would try one more time buy couldn't guarantee feelings coming back...but I don't even Want to try. That makes me feel awful."


How long has he been trying?
What is he actually doing to try?

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
10th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" How long has he been trying? What is he actually doing to try?"</blockquote>




I tried to break up with him right after Christmas...so since then.



He is trying to be in the same room as me when we are in the house at the same time. He is kind of trying to do more with Jayson and I on his days off. Uhh...he is more understanding than he used to be if I say no to sex. That's all I can think of. He has made no strides in the money department.

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" How long has he been trying? What is he actually ... [snip!] ... understanding than he used to be if I say no to sex. That's all I can think of. He has made no strides in the money department."



Being in the same room is not trying.
Being the father he's expected to be is not trying.
Respecting your sexual boundaries is not trying.



It's not your fault that you've been pushed and now know you deserve better, as does your child.

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
10th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" Being in the same room is not trying. Being the father he's expected to be is not trying. Respecting ... [snip!] ... boundaries is not trying. It's not your fault that you've been pushed and now know you deserve better, as does your child. "</blockquote>



I know. I told him we grew apart and he didn't get it. Idk. I guess we will see what happens BC idk how much more I can take.

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" Being in the same room is not trying. Being ... [snip!] ... I know. I told him we grew apart and he didn't get it. Idk. I guess we will see what happens BC idk how much more I can take."


Why are you allowing yourself to sustain more misery?