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providing for a child "the right way" S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3787 posts
10th Feb '13

For those parents on here that live with their parents or in-laws or just parents that go to college as well, I have a question for you.



I had a girl on here tell me I was an irresponsible parent and basically a bad parent because we moved into my in-laws apartment in their basement so MIL can help watch LO so I can go to school, as well as so me and SO can pay less in rent and save for a home. We pay them $500 for rent, pay all of our own bills, which are over $1500 a month, we pay our own food bills, often give money for his parent's to pay their bills as well. His parent's were so in debt a few months ago that they almost had to claim bankruptcy and would have lost their home. So in return for my MIL always watching LO while I go to class, we picked up 3 months of their mortgage, paid her cell phone bill for 2 months, and paid all of the money for food. We're now struggling ourselves after doing that and moving out isn't an option for a little while.



With that being said, I am also a full time nursing student and I go from mon-fri until the late afternoon. MIL watches LO for me and for that I am very grateful, she watches LO, and we help them with the bills until FIL can get back on his feet.



The girl on here said I was a bad parent and wasn't providing for DS the "right way" because I have my MIL watch my child, and we don't pay for a sitter, so for that I'm a bad parent because I'm letting my MIL "raise" my child since she watches him every day for a few hours and I'm "dumping" him onto her so I can go to college to become a nurse and give him a better life than he already does. I'm also a bad parent because even though we pay most of his parent's bills right now, along with our own - we don't provide a "roof" over our child's head, that his mother and father do; even though we rent from them like any other tenant would. Basically she told me I wasn't providing for him the right way because that's how me and SO live, and because she lives in her own house, she's better than me.



(This all started after I posted a topic that MIL is going to Florida for 2 weeks. Even though we're paying their bills and she can go to Florida? I was angry about that.)



It made me really rethink how often I am at school and I do feel really horrible that I am not with LO as often anymore. I went from being with him every day of every minute for 5 months that now I'm only with him from 4-9 (when he goes to bed) and the middle of the night when he gets up.



For all the other parents on here that go to college and have your parents/in-laws watch your child, do you feel like you are "dumping" your child on them while you go to class? Even though my MIL begged for us to move into their home and rent from them so she could watch LO while I do go to class, it just made me feel shitty that I'm going to school in general. How do you ladies deal with having to really focus on school and balance time with your child?

Sarah ♥ K&K 2 kids; 2 angel babies; South Land, CA, United States 116990 posts
10th Feb '13

She sounds jealous.

ƒideℓis ϟ 1 child; Cherry Hill, New Jersey 5085 posts
10th Feb '13

My baby isn't born yet but I will definitely be "dumping" my baby on to my parents when he is born especially since I am having him in the middle of my last semester of university. She sounds stupid. Ignore her.

lacTAYtor. ☮ 3 kids; North Carolina 4496 posts
10th Feb '13

Plenty of grandparents watch their grandchildren while the parents work/go to school. You're not doing anything wrong -- don't let anyone make you feel that way.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 45800 posts
10th Feb '13

Sounds like a good trade off to me.



Off topic - what bills do you have that are $1500 every month!? On top of rent!?

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3787 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Sarah Bare-ah♡:" She sounds jealous."


lol it was an on going battle for like 5 pages. I just couldn't let her have the last word. She was do damn thick headed and so mean, and some what pathological.



I didn't give a lot of background info as to why I was mad at my MIL for going to Florida for 2 weeks, and everyone kinda bashed me for being "selfish" that I'm angry MIL is going to florida since she watches LO for me. I was really angry because after all the bills we pay for her, and how she never has any money, she has the money to go to florida for 2 weeks? I didn't add any of that personal info in and worded my post wrong (which was my fault and I apologized) and everyone went at me pretty bad.



but this girl really got to me. I hate going to school, and I'd loooove to be home with my baby boy as often as I can. But I know if I don't finish these next 2 years, I'll never make it anywhere in this economy.

ƒideℓis ϟ 1 child; Cherry Hill, New Jersey 5085 posts
10th Feb '13

She is probably one of those dumb "SAHMs" that stopped their education at high school to be by their baby's side 24/7...not realizing that this it going to backfire in the years to come when she doesn't have a decent job due to lack of an education to pay the bills....

IOnlyMakeBoys (B.B.M) 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Texas 4754 posts
10th Feb '13

I put my son in daycare and my mom asked me to take him out so she could watch him as long as I took my classes on her days off. She and my son are very close and she wants/enjoys spending time with him as well as being very supportive of my schooling. If everyone in the situation is fine with the set-up there is nothing wrong with it. I mean you

Dean Winchester 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Alaska 16777 posts
10th Feb '13

my mom watched my dd while i went to.school m-thu 730-1130 then my part time job from 12-330 then my full time job 4-12. and i didnt pay her.
oh and i lived at my dads house.. and i was 18



youre doing what you need to to provide for youre child. that should make you a great patent. imo.



i have a roommate who doesnt have a.job, doesnt go to school and has her kid all day but barley.pays attention to her. thats a bad parent. just because you are in school doesnt make you a bad parent. not being a parent when you are around yojre kid yojre a bad parent..



my bro amd sis in law drop my niece off to my stepmom every fri before she even gets off work o fri and picks her up sunday night. they only see their daughter from 6-8 to feed her put her to.bed at 8. otherwise shes not at home....regardless if they are working or.not. thats a bad parent too

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
10th Feb '13

Lol. Let me tell you how "awful" of a parent you are helping your in laws with their bills as well as paying your own and going to school to provide a better life for your family. :roll: :lol:



She sounds SUPER jealous.



And I'm a single mom and I work full time from home. I'm only with my youngest from 5-7 or 5-8 during the week because of work and my oldest from 3-8 during the week (He gets off the bus around 2:45 or 3). It sucks, but you just spend as much time with them as you can at night and on the weekends. You do what you can and you love on them as much as you can when you're with them. They aren't suffering for it. I love the time I DO get with my kids and I try to make the most of it.



You'll get through it. <3 And good luck with school.



And I'd be pissed about MIL going to FL for two weeks if I was paying the bills too.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3787 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" Sounds like a good trade off to me. Off topic - what bills do you have that are $1500 every month!? On top of rent!?"


oh god it's a long list. We have rent, food, his parent's mortgage, we pay half of the electric, cell phones, car insurance, car payment, 3 hospital bills, 2 student loans. and they are all OUTRAGEOUS prices. SO's insurance is $450 for an accident he was NEVER in. It's insane.

Olivia'sMutti 1 child; Alabama 160 posts
10th Feb '13

I think of it as I'm providing for her the best way I can by going to school. When it comes to who watches my LO I would rather a family member watch her than some stranger at a daycare that has 7 other kids to tend to. You are doing a good job don't doubt that ever!

Kyan&Nate Due February 25; 1 child; Australia 142 posts
10th Feb '13

You do what you have to do to give your child a good life. Sounds like you have a stable relationship, you pay your own way and you take responsibility for bills. It seems to me like you are doing just fine. Don't let that other girl get to you, having MIL watch LO is smart to do because it saves on paying for daycare and if shes happy to do it then it's noone elses business. Your doing a great job, remember that!

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3787 posts
10th Feb '13
Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" Lol. Let me tell you how "awful" of a parent you are helping your in laws with their bills as well as ... [snip!] ... it. <3 And good luck with school. And I'd be pissed about MIL going to FL for two weeks if I was paying the bills too."


I was so angry! that's where my rant on my original post came from. I know I worded it wrong, but after mom's started totally bashing me calling me selfish and a brat, I tried to give some background info. And no one wanted to hear it. I was a big old selfish b***h of brat because me and SO had to help their parents pay mortgage, save their home, and help them from filing bankruptcy, but she can go to florida for 2 weeks? leaving me having no one to watch LO the last 2 weeks of classes before my finals.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3787 posts
10th Feb '13

Thanks for all the support ladies. I feel a lot better. This girl just really got to me. As much as I knew she was so wrong, part of me just really felt bad that I am going to school and not with LO. He's attached to my hip 24/7 when I am home, so i know the hours I am gone isn't affecting him. I just can't wait to be done and have a nursing job!