I'm sorry sweetie :( I know how hard it is. I lost my cousin last yr and my friend this yr. I try not to dwell but I think about the pain their parents must feel then all I ever do is obsess about what if my kids died and it hurts so bad and they're not even dead. Idk why I do that to myself.
I wish I was there to try to find a way to help you :(
I'm so sorry *hugs*