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Am I over reacting? Brooke&Joshua+3 3 kids; Waterville, Maine 631 posts
11th Feb '13

A while back SO and I were watching a movie, no idea what it was now but the topic of either a 3-some came up in the movie or a 3-some was in the movie, I out of curiosity asked SO if we would ever have a 3-some and he answered honestly which was nice but I did not like his answer being yes. It just made me feel like I'm not enough? Today I go on SOs account on our computer because we had joked about changing out backgrounds to "sexy" looking people like celebs or whatever and he asked me over and over if I had looked at his thing yet and I said no well today I looked just to see if he really changed it because I didn't change mine it was still a family picture of all of us and then bam there it was some "sexy" girl and it wasn't me.



I don't know if its just my pregnancy hormones but I'm feeling super shitty right now. Since our oldest was born I put on a lot of weight with his pregnancy and never lost it, then got pregnant with our 2nd and now with our 3rd and so far I haven't put on any weight, I'm actually down 6lbs making me 1lb lighter then when I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child but I still have all the weight from our 1st pretty much and not to mention all my stretch marks. So I've been having a really hard time with how I look and stuff because of that and then this just adds to it all making me feel like not only do I not think I look good but he doesn't either.



I don't know. I haven't said anything to SO, he's not home from work, he knows I'm upset though because he just called and I said I didn't want to talk with him and for him to just pick up whatever for dinner tonight. But he knows how I felt about the whole 3-some thing because he could tell after he said it that I was upset and he pulled the whole well would you rather I lied to you and I mean no I don't want him to lie but what he said still hurt you know. I'm just so overly emotional right now and he's gonna be home anytime now from work and getting dinner.

κατι 1 child; Memphis, Tennessee 3143 posts
11th Feb '13

Yes you are over reacting honestly. Why would ask that if you don't like it? Would you rather him lie to you? :?

[JadeLee] 1 child; Minnesota 12190 posts
11th Feb '13

Yes you are. You probably don't like him watching porn either.



SO watches porn and jacks off and looks at other women when I am right there. But at the end of the night he is sleeping in bed next to me not those other women and when he has sex it is with me not them so none of that really bothers me.



I think 99% of men would have a t*******e if their SO approved of it.

Brooke&Joshua+3 3 kids; Waterville, Maine 631 posts
11th Feb '13
Quoting κατι:" Yes you are over reacting honestly. Why would ask that if you don't like it? Would you rather him lie to you? :?"


It was just one of those I wanted him to say what I wanted him to say kinda moments. And honestly I wasn't expecting him to say yes because he's just never seemed like that type. SO and I have been together since I was 15 and he was 16. I'm the only person he's ever done more then kiss with. Now I'm kinda feeling like its not enough for him. I don't know if thats true its just how I'm feeling.

Arks Mama! ಠ_ಠ 1 child; Utah 2401 posts
11th Feb '13

I'd probably feel the same way..but I'm a self conscious person, and YES it is over reacting, that being said, you did ask, and he answered.. and he answered truthfully.
I asked DH the same question and he pretty much said "Not sharing you with anyone else." So there goes me, him and Hugh Jackman.

mom of three 3 kids; Missouri 5205 posts
11th Feb '13

no, I dont think your over reacting. I think you have low self esteem issues... Like me. It would def. bother me if DH had pictures of sexy girls any where in his sight.. I dont like that stuff. But honestly I dont worry about it because I know that I am the most important thing to DH... no matter how much weight ive gained and no matter how many stretch marks I have... and let me tell you, I have A LOT of them. But I also would never ask DH about the 3 some thing just because I wouldnt want to set myself up to get hurt like that... not saying its your fault, but when you ask questions you have to be prepared for anything....

May♥ 1 child; Texas 9179 posts
11th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting [JadeLee]:</b>" Yes you are. You probably don't like him watching porn either. SO watches porn and jacks off and looks ... [snip!] ... is with me not them so none of that really bothers me. I think 99% of men would have a t*******e if their SO approved of it."</blockquote>




:!:

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
11th Feb '13
Quoting Brooke&Joshua+2.5:" A while back SO and I were watching a movie, no idea what it was now but the topic of either a 3-some ... [snip!] ... still hurt you know. I'm just so overly emotional right now and he's gonna be home anytime now from work and getting dinner."


You are overreacting IMO.



You asked him a question and you didn't like his answer. I'd say most guys would like a t*******e. It has nothing to do with you not being good enough. Are you two women? No? Then you'll NEVER be more then a t*******e, because you physically can't be TWO girls, which is the entire idea of a t*******e.



I think it's your hormones. If you don't like how you look then you can work on it when you have the baby. You were also joking about changing the image on backgrounds, so just because HE did it (and wanted you to look, making me think it was a joke to him) you need to relax. If it upsets you this much, YOU need to not start or continue these jokes. You can't be like "haha, I'm going to make jokes about this, but if you dare participate in the joke I'm going to be upset!" Then don't make the jokes. . . Don't ask the questions. . .

Brooke&Joshua+3 3 kids; Waterville, Maine 631 posts
11th Feb '13
Quoting [JadeLee]:" Yes you are. You probably don't like him watching porn either. SO watches porn and jacks off and looks ... [snip!] ... is with me not them so none of that really bothers me. I think 99% of men would have a t*******e if their SO approved of it."


Our relationships not like that at all. I'm fine with it if its something we do together but right now I'm not liking the thought of him being okay being all over another woman even if I'm right there and "included"

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
11th Feb '13

I think you are just going to have to get over the 3 some thing, you opened that can of worms yourself. If the sexy girl background bothers you you should have said something when you were joking about it. It's not like he hid it from you but if it really bothers you I would say something. I'm sorry you are feeling down about yourself, I'm there too. It's hard to feel confident sometimes but if this kind of stuff is really going to get at you then you shouldn't bring it up and be honest with him if he does.

Arks Mama! ಠ_ಠ 1 child; Utah 2401 posts
11th Feb '13
Quoting [JadeLee]:" Yes you are. You probably don't like him watching porn either. SO watches porn and jacks off and looks ... [snip!] ... is with me not them so none of that really bothers me. I think 99% of men would have a t*******e if their SO approved of it."


Different strokes for different folks. If me and DH was watching sexy people doing the dirty right in front of them and not including each other in it, we'd probably hear a few choice words. Not EVERY man is a sex hound, not every person likes porn or is comfortable with it. KWIM?

κατι 1 child; Memphis, Tennessee 3143 posts
11th Feb '13
Quoting [JadeLee]:" Yes you are. You probably don't like him watching porn either. SO watches porn and jacks off and looks ... [snip!] ... is with me not them so none of that really bothers me. I think 99% of men would have a t*******e if their SO approved of it."


Every man looks at porn well most, It's natural. If they say they don't or never have well that's a lie. I don't have a problem with my SO watching it either as long as it isn't affecting our sex life I could care less. :D

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
11th Feb '13
Quoting Brooke&Joshua+2.5:" It was just one of those I wanted him to say what I wanted him to say kinda moments. And honestly I ... [snip!] ... more then kiss with. Now I'm kinda feeling like its not enough for him. I don't know if thats true its just how I'm feeling."


You don't have to justify your feelings, nobody can tell you that those feelings are wrong because it's not like you can control them anyways. But if you know that a possible answer will be hurtful it's best not to even ask the question. It's okay to be hurt by it but it's not okay to blame or be mad at him when you asked it to begin with.

mom of three 3 kids; Missouri 5205 posts
11th Feb '13
Quoting κατι:" Every man looks at porn well most, It's natural. If they say they don't or never have well that's a ... [snip!] ... a lie. I don't have a problem with my SO watching it either as long as it isn't affecting our sex life I could care less. :D"


DH has seen porn but he doesnt look at it now, he thinks its disgusting...

Arks Mama! ಠ_ಠ 1 child; Utah 2401 posts
11th Feb '13
Quoting 3 little monsters:" You don't have to justify your feelings, nobody can tell you that those feelings are wrong because it's ... [snip!] ... even ask the question. It's okay to be hurt by it but it's not okay to blame or be mad at him when you asked it to begin with. "


Agreed. The truth can be hurtful, if it wasn't a possibility to begin with I would of just not brought it up.