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Child support or just let him dissaper Leigha Jai 1 child; Kalamazoo, Michigan 41 posts
12th Feb '13

I need advice, i have no clue what i should do, and maybe i should just ask other momma what they think.



Well im 37 weeks pregnant right now, and my babys father when i was 13 weeks kicked me out and paid for a plain ticket so i could move back home to my family ( i lived outta state with him) well ever since i don't live there anymore people now decided to say i cheatedd on him and that are baby is not his ( which totally is never once cheated we were engaged) but now he dont claim that the baby is his and he dose nothing to help at all. i have barley talked to him this whole pregnancy he know nothing about the baby at all. Well now that the time is coming close my family has been asking if im going to file for child support, and at first i was all for it, but at the same time, i dont want him to be a part of my sons life, I dont want wyatte to ever have to go outta state to visit his dad i really dont want the babys father a part of his life, but i think he should have to pay, but if i do that ik he will go and try and get vitiation and try and get custody and he has a lawer already cuz he alreaddy has a son, and i just really dont knwo what to do. any advice can help.

Landon & Harper*30 weeks* Due November 7 (girl); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Illinois 1204 posts
status 12th Feb '13

Personally, I would NOT file. I am talking from experience. If you think you will be very tight on money then yes go a head but if not, let it be. I didn't file for child support but my mom decided to take that into her own hands( I was extremely pissed about this). My BD was there the pregnancy but not at all after I had my son. Well as soon as he got a court order for child support, he went that day to file for visitation. I would just let it be.

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 65750 posts
12th Feb '13

I would file. You deserve help raising your son. Even if you don't need the $$, put it into savings or something. As far as visitation, you have procreated with this man, and even if he has done a shitty job of being there for you this pregnancy, he has as much right to visit his son, as you do.

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
12th Feb '13
Quoting Tori♥Landon!:" Personally, I would NOT file. I am talking from experience. If you think you will be very tight on money ... [snip!] ... son. Well as soon as he got a court order for child support, he went that day to file for visitation. I would just let it be. "

This.



I am in the process of something similar. My daughter is now four and her biological father has had nothing to do with her. I decided it was time to go to court and make sure that I DO have full custody. If you do not and sometime down the road the BD wants to visit, in some cases you can't say no. I have a lawyer and he has agreed to terminate ALL his rights in exchange that he pays NOTHING. My fiance and I will have to pay everything for her. If that means he can't see her though, that's perfect. I can legally change her last name now too. If you do go after child support he WILL get visitation unless he has had some kind of abuse recorded against him.



Also, when you sign the birth certificate make sure there is nothing about him being the father on there. Good luck. <3

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
12th Feb '13

Kind of in a similar situation but my sons dad dropped out of fatherhood once my son was born. I'm not filing child support because I don't want him in my sons life, the money is not worth it. I would not file.

Leigha Jai 1 child; Kalamazoo, Michigan 41 posts
12th Feb '13

see he already has a son and went though same thing with his first baby momma and once he found out it really is his hes doing everything to be about of his sons life even though he wasnt there during her pregnancy eaither. but now i live 16 hours away and i dont ever want my son to have to fly outta state for visitation and i dont really want him seeing him after everything he has done to me and my son already without him being born, and yes i will struggle without it thats y i dont know what to do. i can struggle and not have him apart of a lives or not and have him try and get my son from me.

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 65750 posts
12th Feb '13
Quoting BeginTheRomance:" This. I am in the process of something similar. My daughter is now four and her biological father has ... [snip!] ... Also, when you sign the birth certificate make sure there is nothing about him being the father on there. Good luck. <3"


Just because he pays, does not automatically guarantee him visitation rights. Those are two separate cases in court. And even if she doesn't put him on the birth certificate, a paternity test will have to be done before the child support process even starts. Once paternity is established, all it takes is a court order and he can put himself on the birth certificate.

Robin Lynn +Hannah Vista, California 560 posts
12th Feb '13

Just be careful if you decide not to file. My SO has a daughter with his ex & he is very much a part of her life. His ex is on gov't assistance &, because of that, the state filed child support for her. If you get any sort of aid from the gov't (at least in Cali) the state will automatically file child support until the mother gets off of assistance.

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
12th Feb '13
Quoting Leigha Jai:" see he already has a son and went though same thing with his first baby momma and once he found out it ... [snip!] ... y i dont know what to do. i can struggle and not have him apart of a lives or not and have him try and get my son from me."


I would figure out what is more important then.
If you file for support, he is going to see your son at some point.
The only SURE way that he wouldn't be apart of your son's life is if he decided to TERMINATE all rights. He has to agree to that, though.
I know it sucks, but that's why I had to hire someone to figure all this stuff out.

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
12th Feb '13

My ex did the same... he left when I was 7 months tho.



Personally I wish I never told him about the baby, I don't receive child support and Dean is ordered to go with him 100 miles away 3 weekends a month I pay for everything, med insurance out of pocket because he can't be on my husbands.



If ur going to file... and he pays, he deserves visitation...



I chose to have my son, I knew he didn't want the baby and I made desicion to keep him and have the baby... I saw no point in screwing him financially for 18 years because he was a shitty boyfriend.

Leigha Jai 1 child; Kalamazoo, Michigan 41 posts
12th Feb '13
Quoting BeginTheRomance:" I would figure out what is more important then. If you file for support, he is going to see your son ... [snip!] ... rights. He has to agree to that, though. I know it sucks, but that's why I had to hire someone to figure all this stuff out."


he would never do that once he finds out it really is his at this moment he dont think its his but once hes born i can call him and get the test done like he wants or i can just let him like dissaper until he makes contact. and i dont know if he would contact me about it becouse he says he so sertant that its not his.

Landon & Harper*30 weeks* Due November 7 (girl); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Illinois 1204 posts
status 12th Feb '13
Quoting BαƚMαɳ:" Just because he pays, does not automatically guarantee him visitation rights. Those are two separate ... [snip!] ... even starts. Once paternity is established, all it takes is a court order and he can put himself on the birth certificate."


They are two separate cases but what I mean is, for me anyways, my sons father decided to get visitation because he seen me trying to get child support.

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 65750 posts
12th Feb '13
Quoting Tori♥Landon!:" They are two separate cases but what I mean is, for me anyways, my sons father decided to get visitation because he seen me trying to get child support."


Well if he pays, he deserves to see his child.

Leigha Jai 1 child; Kalamazoo, Michigan 41 posts
12th Feb '13
Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" My ex did the same... he left when I was 7 months tho. Personally I wish I never told him about the ... [snip!] ... to keep him and have the baby... I saw no point in screwing him financially for 18 years because he was a shitty boyfriend."

me and the baby father were engaged and this baby was planned it was like it was a non planned pregnancy it was planned, and he said he make a mistake and cant handle the stress affter we already got pregnant and decided to go though with it.

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
12th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Leigha Jai:</b>" he would never do that once he finds out it really is his at this moment he dont think its his but once ... [snip!] ... until he makes contact. and i dont know if he would contact me about it becouse he says he so sertant that its not his. "</blockquote>




Well then just don't contact him. Its not your job. If he really wants the test done, he will contact you.