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Guilt? _______Nope_________ 23772 posts
13th Feb '13

For anyone with health problems, how do you get over the guilt of how it effects your kids?



I feel so horribly guilty. My 1st came early, they don't really know why. I now suspect it might have been celiac/gluten intolerance that I found out I had later. She was very sick and little, but she's gotten better. Now, some days I can barely play with them. Some days I'm okay, but other times I physically feel like I can't get them down the stairs to play outside.



We are moving soon to a house, so they will have a bit more freedom (because there won't be stairs, so I can get them into the backyard easier), but I still feel horrible. Today we did go to the slide, and took them to run in the grass, and now I hurt really bad.



How do you get over feeling like you can't do what you want for your children?

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18064 posts
13th Feb '13

I do sometimes when I have a bad migraine that requires dark and quiet. You have fibro don't you? I just had a talk like this with a friend that has it because he feels awful on days she can't play with her 3 year old

Mara Due September 27; 2 kids; San Francisco, California 38964 posts
13th Feb '13
Quoting she nan igans:" For anyone with health problems, how do you get over the guilt of how it effects your kids? I feel so ... [snip!] ... to run in the grass, and now I hurt really bad. How do you get over feeling like you can't do what you want for your children?"


well, i think it's more important that you're loving and interested in them over anything else.



if you can make them understand why you can't be as physical w/ them as you'd like, they'll accept it -- especially if you've the right attitude and are optimistic about the future.



i'm a "hands off" mom w/ max -- in the sense that i don't go to the playground and actively play w/ him... we'll interact, but it's usually him deciding if he wants me to push him on the swing. otherwise, he's running around w/ the other kids.



we're adults - we're not really THAT interesting in most settings, unless they're bored / lonely.



the best you can do is love 'em and be interested. don't guilt yourself about your bodily limitations - it's NOT your fault.

ThatsAlotaNuts Australia 2311 posts
13th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" For anyone with health problems, how do you get over the guilt of how it effects your kids? I feel so ... [snip!] ... to run in the grass, and now I hurt really bad. How do you get over feeling like you can't do what you want for your children?"</blockquote>




Im in the same situation. We are in summer here, im in my 7th month of pregnancy and we need to go downstairs if DS wants to play outside....I feel dizzy in the heat so most days we dont even go outside. I feel bad, he ends up watching alot of tv :/ and we have such a small place he gets bored quickly. We will hopefully be moving in the next few months so he will have plenty of space to run around and heaps to do then.

What's wrong, flat face? TTC since Jul 2012; 1 child; 3 angel babies; Texas 13675 posts
13th Feb '13

Yes I do feel like shit. I cannot run around a lot because my knees suck and I get migraines and headaches quite often and then my mental problems(which are getting better). What really bugs me is that I could pass it on to my babies but stuff in my family has a tendency to skip a generation but you never know.

Sugarhiccup LLC 5 kids; Lahaina, Hawaii 2825 posts
13th Feb '13

I have had a lot if the mom guilt over the same thing. On my bad days I make up for it by doing a ton of crafts, painting, etc ,indoor type things that they love. Outside before I really was just standing there watching or sitting in a chair watching.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
13th Feb '13
Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" I do sometimes when I have a bad migraine that requires dark and quiet. You have fibro don't you? I just ... [snip!] ... you? I just had a talk like this with a friend that has it because he feels awful on days she can't play with her 3 year old"


Yes, I have fibro. Some days I'm not too bad. Other days I just can't get them down to the slide to run and play. I have a 3 year old an an almost 2 year old, and I just feel so bad some days because I know what I want to do and just physically can't manage.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18064 posts
13th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Yes, I have fibro. Some days I'm not too bad. Other days I just can't get them down to the slide to ... [snip!] ... an an almost 2 year old, and I just feel so bad some days because I know what I want to do and just physically can't manage. "</blockquote>



You can only do so much, and they don't understand that now, but they will when they're older.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
13th Feb '13
Quoting Sugarhiccup:" I have had a lot if the mom guilt over the same thing. On my bad days I make up for it by doing a ton ... [snip!] ... ,indoor type things that they love. Outside before I really was just standing there watching or sitting in a chair watching."


Yeah, we do lots of drawing, painting, building with blocks. I can't wait until we move. We are on the 2nd floor apartment, so to go outside we have to walk down the stairs, with me carrying one kid and holding the others hand. And there are no benches to anything to sit on, and it isn't enclosed to I'm constantly keeping the kids out of trouble.



When we have a yard we can set it up so I can easily get them outside without much physical trouble. SOme days I can't get my son into his high chair, so he will have to eat in a regular chair because I just can't lift him.

Mara Due September 27; 2 kids; San Francisco, California 38964 posts
13th Feb '13
Quoting she nan igans:" Yes, I have fibro. Some days I'm not too bad. Other days I just can't get them down to the slide to ... [snip!] ... an an almost 2 year old, and I just feel so bad some days because I know what I want to do and just physically can't manage. "


it's totally understandable that you feel bad, but you should try TRY to not take it in as a failing, you're not choosing this.



love 'em and be happy for them... they'll remember their childhood well.



my mom was perfectly healthy but had six kids and still somehow, rarely played w/ us. and i don't remotely begrudge her this fact. i was much more interested in my own world, anyway.



you've enough on you plate w/ the actual pain - don't bring in guilt. let it go.



guilt is one of the most degrading yet useless emotions you can have when you're battling something like this.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
13th Feb '13
Quoting Mara:" well, i think it's more important that you're loving and interested in them over anything else. if ... [snip!] ... the best you can do is love 'em and be interested. don't guilt yourself about your bodily limitations - it's NOT your fault. "


Thanks. Most days I'm okay with it, because we do a lot of one on one stuff like crafts and books. I try to make up for what I can't do physically.



I guess sometimes I'm just like, shoot. This sucks. First my daughters early. Then I had to do 10 weeks of bedrest when she was a baby so keep my 2nd in there to term, and now this!



They want to get the soccer ball to run outside and play and they just aren't quite old enough to understand that I can't somedays. But, I know they will understand. And with any luck I'll keep getting better and have fewer and fewer "bad" days.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
13th Feb '13
Quoting Mara:" it's totally understandable that you feel bad, but you should try TRY to not take it in as a failing, ... [snip!] ... let it go. guilt is one of the most degrading yet useless emotions you can have when you're battling something like this. "


You're 100% right. I think today I just decided to have a pity party I guess, lol.



But, you're right. Optimism and a good mood does WAY more for all of us then guilt ever will. Especially since stress is a fast path to feeling worse!



Maybe the kids and I will go sit on the balcony on the swing for a little while =D



Thanks

Mara Due September 27; 2 kids; San Francisco, California 38964 posts
13th Feb '13
Quoting she nan igans:" You're 100% right. I think today I just decided to have a pity party I guess, lol. But, you're right. ... [snip!] ... is a fast path to feeling worse! Maybe the kids and I will go sit on the balcony on the swing for a little while =D Thanks"


i didn't see a pity party at all!



it's a tough row to hoe, being in pain like that on a consistent basis -- and when your kids are involved, guilt is SO easy to fall into.



i'll be glad to help remind you of how great you're doing w/ all of it, b/c you ARE!