how to deal singmommaof2 2 kids; Washington 188 posts
14th Feb '13

It's been a long time since I've been on here, and now here I am looking for some advice :) I'm a single mother of two children. My daughter is 2 1/2 and my son is 9 months old.

This question is about my sons father. Co-parenting has been a failure, due to I feel is no fault of my own. He has seen his son 7-8 times for about 9 hours total. Longest visit ever being an hour and a half. All spur of the moment, on his time, when he felt like it. He told me if I ever needed help to tell him, the one time I asked for help he told me if it's so hard to take care of two kids he'll just take full custody of our son after he turned one. I forgave that comment among many others and tried to enforce him to make a relationship with his son (because he told me he wanted to) and still, nothing. So I cut contact (stopped replying to texts/calls) after explaining for the millionth time my problem with his inconsistency, to which he said I'm being stupid, etc "he's just a baby he doesn't care" Then I get a text from him saying if I keep ignoring him, he's taking me to court. So I give him, text him, let him make plans to come over.. he bails. and asks to come over the next day (today) on again like his usual record a last minute basis. Stayed for the longest time ever a whole hour and a half! Immediately after walking in the door he started trying to tell my daughter (who isn't his) what to do, after I nicely asked him not to, he repeated this, to which I told him that he cannot be doing that in a more stern way and he finally stopped.
So, sorry for the long essay. basically my main concerns:
-when he was here today, I had a weird sick vibe from him. I don't know why, what it was, just weird. then when I was holding my son, I caught him out of the corner of my eye snapping pictures of us? I didn't even know what to say.. it sent the weird vibe through the roof.. I was so dumbfounded. any other time he's taken pictures of our son, he's never tried to hide it.
-as I said before, our son is now nine months old. pretty good time to cut out any inconsistency. I don't think it's going to do him any good, nor my daughter, to have somebody coming around at random, trying to play daddy

Am I just being ridiculous? because if I am, I'd like to know. My daughters father made it real clear and obvious that he had no intention of being around so I have no idea what to do with the mixed signals, inconsistency, court threats, etc.
Thanks for any and all advice ladies :) I'm a little on the tired side so sorry if this is over the top confusing!

Latoshia Due June 21; White Pine, Tennessee 86 posts
14th Feb '13

I'm sorry you have to put up with that. But you really just need to do some research & see what your options are. See if in your state, if you have to comply with him. You may have to speak to a sherrif at their office. Or even a county detective for the police department. More than likely ur kids father won't take you to court if he's in & out all the time. Plus if he does, he can't do much as long as you aren't on drugs or neglectful. Plus you dont have to talk to him if you dont want to & you damn sure dont have to let him into ur home to see the kid. Take it public. Don't do what he wants when he wants it. He hasn't done anything for you or his kid from what i understand. Don't feel like you have no options because you do, you just have to figure out what they are. And i do it ASAP if i was you, especially if he's acting weird.

livinginmargheritaville West Stockholm, New York 3 posts
14th Feb '13

Latoshia is right. There isn't much he can really do unless you are doing or dealing drugs, and I'm going to bet that's a no brainer. First, there isn't any try, only DO. It sounds like he's not much in the DOing department when it comes to being a father. You really need to check the laws in your state to see what your options are. See if there aren't some free family legal advisors you can ask. You really shouldn't put this off. Your kids don't need the disappointment and you really don't need the hassle.

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 26131 posts
14th Feb '13
Quoting Bethsmommy:" It's been a long time since I've been on here, and now here I am looking for some advice :) I'm a single ... [snip!] ... etc. Thanks for any and all advice ladies :) I'm a little on the tired side so sorry if this is over the top confusing!"

If your state lets him sign over his rights... let him. If he doesnt want to be there, dont force him. Your child doesnt need a parent that is forced to be there. He needs a real parent, ya know? So if he doesnt want to be real... just let it go. Talk to a lawyer about getting his rights taken away, it will probably be the best for him.

singmommaof2 2 kids; Washington 188 posts
14th Feb '13

Thanks ladies. Hopefully I can start with the family support center here and they'll be able to point me in the right direction.
I've found really contradictory information on if he can sign over his rights or not. And I don't know if at this point it would piss him off to ask him if he wants to. So I don't know about that either. He mentioned after first meeting his son through a drunk phone call about signing over rights but nothing since.

mom2andrew&carter 18 kids; Leesburg, Florida 2159 posts
14th Feb '13

There is noway he can take your son from you unless you abuse him or do drugs or dont have a stable place for him to live. The whole picture thing would have freaked me out as well and i would have confronted him about it and asked why he was taken the pics. most likely if he does take you to court they just gonna give him visitations and if he doesnt make it a certain amount of times than his rights will be taken away and you will have full custody. I am sorry you are going through this but i know what its like my kids father is very unreliable as well and he thinks having them 1 day in 5 weeks is fine.