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How to comfort someone? Robin Lynn +Hannah Vista, California 560 posts
14th Feb '13

I just got a call from my mom saying that my cousin (who was due a week after me) is having her baby removed tomorrow due to fluid leaking into the baby's brain & him not moving. She & I have kept in contact very consistently throughout our pregnancy, being a little over a week apart it was nice having someone to talk to & she loved knowing what lay ahead for her. She had been telling me for the past few weeks that her son had not moved still & I was trying to be positive, telling her that he'll move soon & that she probably wasn't feeling him because she had already gained well over 20 pounds. After multiple tests done on her, they found that her baby is unable to grow further & she's getting surgery tomorrow & must say goodbye to him.
I feel absolutely awful because she & her husband had been trying to have a baby for years (they've been together for 8 years so far) & my SO & I got pregnant unexpectedly & our daughter is progressing just fine. I feel like if I go see her to comfort her during this time, it'll be a slap in the face to her. How should I go about this? TIA.

The Monk Due March 6; Nerima, Japan 723 posts
14th Feb '13

I would let her reach out to you. :)

L&C's MoMMy 2 kids; Michigan 367 posts
14th Feb '13

Send her a sympathy card and keep it short and sweet but tell her u are sorry for her loss and she is in your heart and thoughts. Hopefully she knows you do care about her and you will be there for her when she's ready to talk. I'm sure she will maybe be hurt/jealous when u have your baby but its not your fault and she will cope

Robin Lynn +Hannah Vista, California 560 posts
14th Feb '13
Quoting Little Oddish:" I would let her reach out to you. :)"


I'm just scared that she won't reach out to anybody. Her husband is active duty & is almost never home & her family lives in Washington. The closest family she has is my family & we don't know how to approach this..

Robin Lynn +Hannah Vista, California 560 posts
14th Feb '13
Quoting Lydia's mommy (+1):" Send her a sympathy card and keep it short and sweet but tell her u are sorry for her loss and she is ... [snip!] ... she's ready to talk. I'm sure she will maybe be hurt/jealous when u have your baby but its not your fault and she will cope"


That sounds like a good idea. My sister & I were talking about my baby shower invites, as well. Would it be a good idea to invite her? I don't want to leave her out of this because she's very close to our family but I also don't want to throw it in her face.

L&C's MoMMy 2 kids; Michigan 367 posts
14th Feb '13

I would send her one. If you didn't and she's close to you then she might feel more isolated. If she is having a hard time coping she might not come but I would say at least invite her

Robin Lynn +Hannah Vista, California 560 posts
14th Feb '13

That sounds like a good idea. My mind is just such a blur when it comes to this. I've never known anyone close to me that has lost their baby, much less someone who was pregnant alongside me & losing her baby.

meggymama Due July 30; 97 kids; United Kingdom 510 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Robin Lynn:" I'm just scared that she won't reach out to anybody. Her husband is active duty & is almost never ... [snip!] ... home & her family lives in Washington. The closest family she has is my family & we don't know how to approach this.."


Make sure she knows you are there and how sorry you are ut please dont takle any offence if she cannot sope seeing you, IF you do as a pp suggested and send a card say that you will always be there etc and thenlet her come to you, also sending texts or flowers - little things that dont require her to respond to if she is unable to will mean alot to her and in time she will be so grateful. I have not had any late losses but i was very sad when people avoided me after our losses.