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I'm done arguing about this. *Rant* Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13

I love my husband, and I respect him, but I'm so sick and tired of him thinking just because he doesn't like one of my friends, I'm going to stop hanging out with her. She's never done anything to warrant it. She's always been there for me, always helped me, we get along, she's a positive influence in my life but he hates her because her children are rambunctious. Both of her children are currently being evaluated for different disorders because their behavior is severe. However, I love being around her and her kids because I'm currently in school for Early Childhood Education and I've given her a lot of tips that have helped with their behavior, and both of the kids LOVE me, and I love them.
He's been wanting me to go grocery shopping with him (We have plenty of groceries so it's not a need to do now thing). I've had a horrible sinus infection and been pushing myself this week because I had a lot to do (Including chores that he skipped yesterday because we both had to get up early, he went back to bed). So today, I just wanted to relax. He wanted to go grocery shopping. I took sinus meds and told him if it cleared up within an hour or so, okay. Then I mention that after I get my check this afternoon, I wanted to deposit it and go shopping with that particular friend to get supplies to make laundry detergent (We're ABSOLUTELY out of laundry detergent) and some things we've been needing to get house hold wise, no groceries, that we haven't had money for.
Holy f**king shit. He flips out and starts saying "Oh I see, so you'll go to Wal-Mart with her but not me." I tried explaining to him "Hon, we need laundry detergent, it's going to take me a while to make, I need to get the supplies tonight. We'll go grocery shopping tomorrow if my sinuses don't stop throbbing today. I just feel really shitty right now."
We end up getting into an argument, I ended up crying in a hot shower trying to unclog my sinuses and he's pouting in the laundry room. We always end up doing this any time I want to hang out with her, but he's free to bring his friends over at f**king 10PM to the house and I'm supposed to be chill with it even though I have school the next day.
I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm over this.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
15th Feb '13

Id be pissed too... wow.. what a dick move.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Id be pissed too... wow.. what a dick move. "

And he's completely oblivious to how I feel.
He's got to go to work anyway, or I'd just say all of us go shopping together. It's not like I'm intentionally excluding him.
And not to mention I haven't see this particular friend in probably three weeks because of this bullshit with him.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" And he's completely oblivious to how I feel. He's got to go to work anyway, or I'd just say all of us go shopping together. It's not like I'm intentionally excluding him."


He is being completely irrational about her and the going shopping. Have you sat down with him and talked to him about him not liking your friend just because of her kids? It seems over the top.

Mother of One plus One 2 kids; Ware Shoals, South Carolina 4418 posts
15th Feb '13

Meh. He is being an ass about your friend but he does have a point. If you don't feel like shopping with him you shouldn't feel like shopping with her either. Why couldn't y'all just go and him get his groceries and you get your detergent supplies?

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" He is being completely irrational about her and the going shopping. Have you sat down with him and talked to him about him not liking your friend just because of her kids? It seems over the top. "

He says it's because when all of us hang out, he feels like he's supposed to discipline her children because they act so bad and she doesn't know how to handle them. She's a single mom of a 2 year old and 4 year old, both of which have behavioral problems, of course she needs help...I don't discipline her children, but if I see an opportunity for her to try a different discipline method, I'll step in and talk to her about it and if she wants, I'll show her how to go about doing it.
She used to spank before we became friends and it made their behavior even more violent. I've helped her develop a time out corner with a timer and helped both kids understand what time out is, as well as showed her the proper way to introduce them to time out. (She had a bad habit of being frustrated and disciplining them, and not explaining to them why they were disciplined so they had no idea what they did was wrong.)

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Mother of One plus One:" Meh. He is being an ass about your friend but he does have a point. If you don't feel like shopping with ... [snip!] ... feel like shopping with her either. Why couldn't y'all just go and him get his groceries and you get your detergent supplies?"


x2

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Mother of One plus One:" Meh. He is being an ass about your friend but he does have a point. If you don't feel like shopping with ... [snip!] ... feel like shopping with her either. Why couldn't y'all just go and him get his groceries and you get your detergent supplies?"

Because I JUST took sinus medication half an hour ago and it's probably not going to kick in with enough time for us to go grocery shopping, come home, pick up my check, run it by the bank, and get him to work in time. My mail runs at around 3:30 PM. If I don't get it into the bank today, I'm fucked til Monday. My bank isn't open weekends, and Wal-Mart nor Food Lion nor Bottom Dollar will cash these particular checks.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" He says it's because when all of us hang out, he feels like he's supposed to discipline her children ... [snip!] ... and disciplining them, and not explaining to them why they were disciplined so they had no idea what they did was wrong.)"


Wow.. really? He seems as one of my ex friends who would tell my son not to run or jump or be wild or be crazy around her daughter or in her house because her bfs parents arent used to it. :roll: It sounds like he doesnt understand being a single parent and one that both of the kid has behavior problems that are being worked on.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Wow.. really? He seems as one of my ex friends who would tell my son not to run or jump or be wild or ... [snip!] ... like he doesnt understand being a single parent and one that both of the kid has behavior problems that are being worked on. "

He's never been around children with special needs or behavior problems until our son. But our son is a different type of child, you know? He's not used to these particular behaviors.
I've been around autistic children, children with learning disabilities, and had the pleasure of working with a few of them. I was actually hoping to have a concentration in special education. I have more patience for other special needs kids than he does, I think.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" He's never been around children with special needs or behavior problems until our son. But our son is ... [snip!] ... hoping to have a concentration in special education. I have more patience for other special needs kids than he does, I think."


Thats good that you tell ihm that you are handling it and helping her. It does help a lot when someone knows what the parent is going through and finding a way to help them.

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
15th Feb '13

I'm sure if he told you he didn't feel well enough for something you wanted to go do, but well enough to do something else w/a friend that you might not particularly enjoy (regardless of what is truly necessary at the time as far as shopping) you'd probably have a similar knee jerk reaction.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Thats good that you tell ihm that you are handling it and helping her. It does help a lot when someone knows what the parent is going through and finding a way to help them. "

Oh yeah. Recently they started throwing around the possibility with autism in my son and I happened to be friends with the mother of a 12 year old who has autism and she's been so amazing and helpful. I can completely understand how my friend feels, especially being a single mom in the bible belt of the US. I know she gets dirty looks when they misbehave, I know what people think about her and her kids because they don't know the reality. She gets judged a lot, and I think she really appreciates the fact that I'm someone who understands and tries to help instead.
The only reason the boys are even being evaluated is because I suggested it. They were slapped with the "ADHD" label and both started becoming overly violent while on meds. The 4 year old grabbed fistfuls of her hair and tried to rip it out while screaming and headbutting her in the face, she came to me crying and I told her to go to her pediatrician and tell him exactly what was going on and not to leave until she had a referral with a specialist. She did, and the specialist has already said it's something more than ADHD and is running a series of evaluations.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Jeronimo:" I'm sure if he told you he didn't feel well enough for something you wanted to go do, but well enough ... [snip!] ... enjoy (regardless of what is truly necessary at the time as far as shopping) you'd probably have a similar knee jerk reaction."

The thing is though, I still don't feel well. Grocery shopping takes 2 hours vs. the 30 minutes it'll take to get laundry making supplies and household items we need with her help. Then we'll probably do like always, come back to my house and cook dinner for the kids together.
We've got a massive pile of laundry that just keeps on accumulating as well, it'll take me the night just to make the laundry detergent to start using because I don't have a food processor.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" Oh yeah. Recently they started throwing around the possibility with autism in my son and I happened to ... [snip!] ... specialist. She did, and the specialist has already said it's something more than ADHD and is running a series of evaluations."


wow. :( Yeah... I hope they can get everything under control and get them stable.