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Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" wow. :( Yeah... I hope they can get everything under control and get them stable. "

I think it's a mixture between something not quite functioning right in their heads, coupled with the fact that the 4 year old was abused by his father. She was also abused by his father, but didn't know he was abusing the child until the older child began behaving violently towards the 2 year old who was then a baby. She left, moved states away and began working as a domestic violence advocate at a women's shelter.
They've had a very, very rough past and I know it's been very hard on them. I refuse to turn my back on her considering she told me just earlier today that I'm the only friend she has that doesn't use her, who's truly her friend. I can't do that to her.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36498 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" I think it's a mixture between something not quite functioning right in their heads, coupled with the ... [snip!] ... me just earlier today that I'm the only friend she has that doesn't use her, who's truly her friend. I can't do that to her."


Yeah. That is good. Is the little boy going to therapy for it? That is good, it really sounds like she needs a good friend like you to help her out and listen to her.

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" The thing is though, I still don't feel well. Grocery shopping takes 2 hours vs. the 30 minutes it'll ... [snip!] ... as well, it'll take me the night just to make the laundry detergent to start using because I don't have a food processor."


Well... lets be honest here... your relationship w/her is a particular inconvenience for him. That's really just the bottom line. I mean, sure you're getting to feel good about helping her and that all might be genuine on your part... but if he see's it as another moment in time where he has to be watching out for her kids because you want to go shopping w/her and then bring her back to your place to cook dinner... I mean... I kind of understand him. It's not like it's his civic duty or anything to be understanding of someone elses plight. Especially one that he doesn't seem to want to take on, but is forced to because you want to take it on. And dont' get me wrong, that's admirable, but maybe he doesn't care about being admirable. Isn't there someway for you to interact w/your friend and her kids w/out him "having" to be present?

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Yeah. That is good. Is the little boy going to therapy for it? That is good, it really sounds like she needs a good friend like you to help her out and listen to her. "

Yeah, she's had him in therapy for a while now and she's helping him to work through all that. She's filing for legal custody this month to protect the boys, I helped her get the paper work lol.
I love her to death, she's my friend and there for me just as much as I am her. I also love my husband and I'm trying to be understanding that he's just not been around this behavior before and it's startling to him, but he needs to understand that shouldn't influence her and my relationship.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Jeronimo:" Well... lets be honest here... your relationship w/her is a particular inconvenience for him. That's ... [snip!] ... about being admirable. Isn't there someway for you to interact w/your friend and her kids w/out him "having" to be present?"

That's exactly what I've been trying to do. He goes into work in a few hours, so my plan was that my check will be here by the time we need to leave, I run to the bank, deposit it, take him to work, get the laundry supplies/house hold items with her help, come back, cook dinner and get the kids fed, we chill for a bit, then I have to leave and pick him up from work and we'll part ways.
If we do it his way, I have to go to Wal-Mart, grocery shop for two hours, take him to work, come home and unload groceries from the car by myself with a toddler, pack them away, and wait til Monday to cash my check/get laundry detergent supplies.

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
15th Feb '13

Well... I guess your driving point that you have to make to him is that he wont have to deal w/her kids... cause that is probably the main factor in his reaction to the matter. Basically sell him on the plan, although I'm sure he'd prefer not to deal with it all together, maybe he'll compromise if he hears you acknowledge the fact that you understand he doesn't want to be around her kids and you are working around it to not have it be a bother for him.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
15th Feb '13
Quoting Jeronimo:" Well... I guess your driving point that you have to make to him is that he wont have to deal w/her kids... ... [snip!] ... that you understand he doesn't want to be around her kids and you are working around it to not have it be a bother for him."

Me and her have done it for a while lol. A lot of times when he goes to work I'll go to her house and hang out since she only lives like, 1/4th of a mile from where he works. The last time we intentionally hung out with him around was Christmas and he voiced that he didn't like it, so we started trying to plan around it.
I know he wants to go grocery shopping today, but if we don't wait til the check comes in the mail then we're flat broke til Monday and that's really my bottom line prerogative.