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DH getting lazier suddenly. Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
18th Feb '13

DH has always been lazy. It's just what he does. I'm the type of person where I can NOT function in a messy house. I get irritated, I get frustrated, etc.
Since DH and I have been together, I've had SI/back problems. I haven't been able to do much of anything, at all because of the pain. Up until these last few months, I've relied heavily on DH with house hold chores. I started a pain treatment regime, and now I'm able to do most of the chores myself. However, it seems like DH has taken the 'able' to 'should'.
I go to school full time. DH works part time on second shift (Usually does 4-5 hour shifts, rarely works later than 9PM) and LO goes to daycare so every day he's at home, alone, awake. Usually he at least attempts to do something, and he'll usually do a load of dishes and straighten up the living room. That'd be cool, if I weren't taking six classes so I usually have a 3+ page essay to write nightly. The last week or so, it's been "Oh well I was going to do this and this, but ______ happened". Today, he didn't even bother. I come home, he says "I fell asleep after you left, slept til noon. By the time I got up I figured what was the point." He had 2 1/2 hours before I was supposed to get home to clean and chose not to, then has me run him all over town to get video games.
I love him dearly, but I kind of think he's getting the attitude of just because I'm capable of doing housework now, I should do all of it. If I were staying home full time, I'd have no problem but I actually spend less time at home than he does by a long shot and I don't think I should have to come home, take him all over town, come home, sweep, mop, do dishes, do laundry, clean the bathroom, etc like I have today...
I'm going to talk to him about it, but I'm not even really quite sure what to say. I don't know what's going on in his head right now.
(ETA: I do contribute with the chores daily, but with him not doing anything lately, it's just making it harder for me to get everything done that needs to be done)

Vivian [♥] 2 kids; Balls Deep, in, Georgia 13908 posts
18th Feb '13

Maybe he is depressed? DH gets like this. He hasn't washed a dish or even touched the vacuum since Dec 14, yes, I remember. I have to approach him way differently lately to get him to do ANYTHING. Have to be super sweet and thank him for all he does (which is....??) and then he gets up. I have to say it like 20x though :roll:

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
18th Feb '13
Quoting Vivian [♥]:" Maybe he is depressed? DH gets like this. He hasn't washed a dish or even touched the vacuum since Dec ... [snip!] ... to be super sweet and thank him for all he does (which is....??) and then he gets up. I have to say it like 20x though :roll:"

It's a strong possibility.
We've had some issues happen lately where it's probably challenged him as a man in his eyes, and he's a big alpha male so it's probably doing some crazy stuff in his head.
But we gotta talk about it and get it figured out cause while I understand he's not feeling very good at all emotionally, I can't do it all by myself and it's putting me in a bad place emotionally.

Holly and girls! 2 kids; Texas 19486 posts
18th Feb '13

I would just be very specific about what you want him to do while you are gone.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
18th Feb '13
Quoting Holly and girls!:" I would just be very specific about what you want him to do while you are gone."

We tried that two semesters ago. I'd get to school and e-mail him a little list of things, and even divided it up between "Needs to get done" and "If you feel like it". It worked for a few months, but then he started forgetting to check the e-mail, or had bad internet connection, etc.