Reply
user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
19th Feb '13
Quoting Cnc1990:" The thing is I don't think he even realizes how he is is considered abuse."


Oh he knows exactly what he's doing. He will deny that he's abusing you though. He'll either convince you it's for your own good, or somehow make it your fault he's controlling you.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
19th Feb '13
Quoting Cnc1990:" Yeah he says I'll buy random things or that I'm not good at budgeting money which is not true. Actually ... [snip!] ... not true. Actually I was able to make 300 dollars last a month while being a single mom and math was my best subject in school."


Did he ever give you the opportunity to be "bad at budgeting"?



And you're a grown ass woman, you're allowed to buy random shit.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
19th Feb '13
Quoting Cnc1990:" Yes, I hear you. It's very scary and very hard I'd like to at least wait until I have a license and a ... [snip!] ... like starting from scratch again. At least I'd have something useful to work with. Thank you ladies so much for the advice! =]"


Nothing is going to make it easier for you to leave. And when you have a license and a job, you will make another excuse to wait longer to leave.



Leave.



And let that be your motivation to get your license and get a job. When you have no choice but to succeed, you do it.



Right now you're making excuses to not have to change anything. That's not an insult, I'm just calling it like it is. You're a grown woman, the only reason you haven't gotten a cab and taken your drivers test is because you aren't motivated enough to do it. The same with not going to church, and everything else you've listed. If you want something bad enough, you'll make it happen.

CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
20th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" But he continues to control your every move, and punished you by taking away your entertainment if you don't clean for him. "

He tries and usually ends up getting his way but many times I refuse to do what he "asks" as he puts it until he takes away my entertainment as if I'm some 10 year old..

CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
20th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" Did he ever give you the opportunity to be "bad at budgeting"? And you're a grown ass woman, you're allowed to buy random shit."


No he hasn't given me the chance to even prove myself with money. He always reminds me it's his money that he works for and claims basically all of it goes toward bills. Yes most does go to bills but I'd at least like to know what's coming in and how much we pay out. My mom has told me to take money from his wallet or whatever and start stashing it for a rainy day or emergency because I work just as well as he does only I don't get paid in money for my job.

CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
20th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" Nothing is going to make it easier for you to leave. And when you have a license and a job, you will ... [snip!] ... The same with not going to church, and everything else you've listed. If you want something bad enough, you'll make it happen. "

Agreed but how can I afford a cab with access to no money? The driving test here doesn't offer a car to use to take the test in either.

CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
20th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" Oh he knows exactly what he's doing. He will deny that he's abusing you though. He'll either convince you it's for your own good, or somehow make it your fault he's controlling you. "


He says well if you weren't on the computer so much you'd clean. I'm not even on the computer that much to be honest at night when the kids are sleeping I am but with two kids I don't have time to be on the computer for long periods of time.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
20th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cnc1990:</b>" No he hasn't given me the chance to even prove myself with money. He always reminds me it's his money ... [snip!] ... stashing it for a rainy day or emergency because I work just as well as he does only I don't get paid in money for my job."</blockquote>




I guarantee he wouldn't know how to be a stay at home mom. And your moms advice is not good. You don't steal from your husband. Especially not a controlling one. He'll likely have to pay you alimony if you leave him so I don't know why he's risking that.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
20th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cnc1990:</b>" Agreed but how can I afford a cab with access to no money? The driving test here doesn't offer a car to use to take the test in either."</blockquote>




Your mom? The money you made last month?

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
20th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cnc1990:</b>" He says well if you weren't on the computer so much you'd clean. I'm not even on the computer that much ... [snip!] ... at night when the kids are sleeping I am but with two kids I don't have time to be on the computer for long periods of time. "</blockquote>




Why are you even trying to justify his bullshit?

CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
20th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Cnc1990:</b>" No he hasn't given me the chance to even prove ... [snip!] ... Especially not a controlling one. He'll likely have to pay you alimony if you leave him so I don't know why he's risking that."


He'd have to pay alimony even though we've been married almost 1 year? She didn't mean it for me to use at my own will, she meant if the kids needed something and he wasn't home I'd have money since he doesn't leave me with any.
CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
20th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Cnc1990:</b>" Agreed but how can I afford a cab with access ... [snip!] ... here doesn't offer a car to use to take the test in either."</blockquote> Your mom? The money you made last month?"


My mom lives in New Jersey. What money from last month? I didn't make any money last month.

CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
20th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Cnc1990:</b>" He says well if you weren't on the computer so ... [snip!] ... time to be on the computer for long periods of time. "</blockquote> Why are you even trying to justify his bullshit?"


I wasn't justifying it I was saying what his excuse for taking the computer was and the reality that his excuse is bullshit because I'm barely on it during the day.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36616 posts
20th Feb '13
Quoting Cnc1990:" I wasn't justifying it I was saying what his excuse for taking the computer was and the reality that his excuse is bullshit because I'm barely on it during the day."


It doesnt matter if you are on it or not. You have the RIGHT to havethe computer.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
20th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cnc1990:</b>" My mom lives in New Jersey. What money from last month? I didn't make any money last month."</blockquote>




You said you were good with money because you make X amount last month.