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Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
21st Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting xTJ:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Ryloonjimama:</b>" ... [snip!] ... of Marriage and what it takes to make a relationship work and last?........... Yeeeeeaaaah that's real cute, good luck hon :)"</blockquote>




Are you illiterate? I said those who rush off to get married and plan for a "real" one later. As in they are jumping the gun all for the sake of being married and not about the commitment. Where did I ever say anything about a "big beautiful day"?

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
21st Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting xTJ:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Ryloonjimama:</b>" ... [snip!] ... of Marriage and what it takes to make a relationship work and last?........... Yeeeeeaaaah that's real cute, good luck hon :)"</blockquote>




Double post

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
21st Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ryloonjimama:</b>" :!: Exactly what I was thinking... I'm a horrible person for saying that marriage isn't that important ... [snip!] ... to prove how committed you are... and courthouse marriages are just a fake. Makes perfect sense. Hypocrisy at it's best. :lol:"</blockquote>




Clearly you can't read either. That is what is sad. You want so desperately to prove a point you are willing to compromise yourself.



Nobody said a courthouse wedding was less of a wedding or their marriage was less. I said those who "rush". There was an entire precursor to that little part that the two of you picked out and focused on. I don't care how a person gets married or doesn't for that matter. My sister got married in a park by a JOP while my other sister got married in her yard by the same JOP. Guess what?!? That is how they chose to start their marriages and those were their beautiful and special days.



Nobody said anything about your relationship meaning less. I find it odd that you feel you have to defend it so vehemently. This is all about the OP deciding if marriage is something she needs or something she doesn't. It is 100% HER call. Some people prefer to have that commitment and it is important to them (that was my original point before you two picked it apart to fit your agendas) where others don't care. That "piece of paper" is clearly worth more to others and it is degrading to hear a marriage described as such.

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
21st Feb '13
Quoting Not tellin:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Lauren + ?:</b>" You: I wanna get married Him: What ... [snip!] ... in 5 years. Sometimes, there are other things on the plate that are front and center distracting him from the big picture."


:!:



Exactly. And I'm not pro-marriage or anything, but you are correct. Children are a much bigger commitment than marriage and if he wasn't willing to marry me, why should I be willing to have his kids?

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
21st Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ryloonjimama:</b>" This is just what I don't understand. Who are you or anyone else to say that he doesn't want to commit to her for life just because marriage isn't important to him?"</blockquote>




Who are you to say that she shouldn't think marriage is important? If they can't agree on the topic of marriage, that is a BIG deal in a relationship. Could you stay with your man knowing he wanted to get married and you don't? Better yet, do you think he would stay with you knowing he would never be able to call you his bride?

Mrs.Sherwood ☮ 28 Weeks Due January 12 (girl); Mesa, AZ, United States 4349 posts
21st Feb '13
Quoting Ryloonjimama:" This is just what I don't understand. Who are you or anyone else to say that he doesn't want to commit to her for life just because marriage isn't important to him?"


Why do you take offense to that? She's entitled to want a marriage. Are you anti-marriage for everyone, or just for yourself? Because it seems like you think marriage is a waste for everyone. Marriage is making a lifelong commitment for those that enter into it for the right reason, who are you to say that she shouldn't want that? If that's what she wants, good for her. If not, that's her right as well, but she shouldn't have to settle.

Destinite 1 child; 2 angel babies; Paradise, FL, United States 31612 posts
21st Feb '13
Quoting Elliot Reid:" Wait wait, so if your relationship is healthy, fulfilling, and satisfying in every aspect, and you both ... [snip!] ... except marriage, ie you want to get married but he never does, you should call it quits? That just seems stupid to me."


So it is totally fulfilling when one of the two in the relationship doesn't want to take the next step?
I guess it boils down to standards & I personally wouldn't want a common law relationship for the rest of my life, with zero legal rights.
I am not seeing any hypocrisy in my statement.

Destinite 1 child; 2 angel babies; Paradise, FL, United States 31612 posts
21st Feb '13
Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:" Why do you take offense to that? She's entitled to want a marriage. Are you anti-marriage for everyone, ... [snip!] ... want that? If that's what she wants, good for her. If not, that's her right as well, but she shouldn't have to settle."


I agree. I am not living a life of settling for less than what I deserve; but to each their own.

Mrs.Sherwood ☮ 28 Weeks Due January 12 (girl); Mesa, AZ, United States 4349 posts
21st Feb '13
Quoting Destinite:" So it is totally fulfilling when one of the two in the relationship doesn't want to take the next step? ... [snip!] ... a common law relationship for the rest of my life, with zero legal rights. I am not seeing any hypocrisy in my statement."


Exactly. IMO, dating is for figuring out if the person is right for you. After dating comes engagement and marriage. If he doesn't want to take that step, and it's important to you, you find that out before you commit to him, and you decide how important it is. It's not hypocritical. Being in a relationship with a person doesn't mean you have to give up your beliefs.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
21st Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Destinite:</b>" So it is totally fulfilling when one of the two in the relationship doesn't want to take the next step? ... [snip!] ... a common law relationship for the rest of my life, with zero legal rights. I am not seeing any hypocrisy in my statement."</blockquote>




I am not even worried about my legal rights in the marriage. To me, it is much more than that and if I didn't have a guy on the same emotional "commitment" level, what sense is it staying in the relationship? Always tiptoeing around a giant white elephant and for what? What purpose does that serve in a relationship? Two people should have the same goals for the same end result. It isn't much of a relationship when one has to sacrifice something "major" to satisfy the other.

Destinite 1 child; 2 angel babies; Paradise, FL, United States 31612 posts
21st Feb '13
Quoting Not tellin:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Destinite:</b>" So it is totally fulfilling when one of the ... [snip!] ... for the same end result. It isn't much of a relationship when one has to sacrifice something "major" to satisfy the other."


Oh, I agree. It's a plethora of many things that are all important.



Destinite 1 child; 2 angel babies; Paradise, FL, United States 31612 posts
21st Feb '13
Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:" Exactly. IMO, dating is for figuring out if the person is right for you. After dating comes engagement ... [snip!] ... important it is. It's not hypocritical. Being in a relationship with a person doesn't mean you have to give up your beliefs."


No, you shouldn't have to give up your beliefs. I do believe in compromise, but some things aren't worth compromising.

Ryloonjimama Australia 18851 posts
21st Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Ryloonjimama:</b>" This is just what I don't understand. Who ... [snip!] ... married and you don't? Better yet, do you think he would stay with you knowing he would never be able to call you his bride?"</blockquote>




I didn't say that she shouldn't think marriage is important, I just don't think it's good advice to tell her to chuck away a relationship because she doesn't get what she wants. I can understand people not compromising when it comes to having kids, one wants, one doesn't. It's totally different though, because marriage doesn't always change the dynamics of a relationship. You believe getting married made your relationship stronger, more meaningful, that's great but I'm saying that it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love her and won't for life, just because they don't marry.



Yeah I can and I am staying with him, it's not that big of an issue for him that he'd just kick me to the curb because he didn't get his own way and yeah, he's still with me after 7 years and not going anywhere even though he knows I don't want to get married.

Mrs.Sherwood ☮ 28 Weeks Due January 12 (girl); Mesa, AZ, United States 4349 posts
21st Feb '13
Quoting Destinite:" No, you shouldn't have to give up your beliefs. I do believe in compromise, but some things aren't worth compromising."


Agreed! Compromising after marriage is obviously super important, but that's why you date first - to get to know each other and to make sure that your beliefs are compatible.

Ryloonjimama Australia 18851 posts
21st Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:</b>" Why do you take offense to that? She's entitled to want a marriage. Are you anti-marriage for everyone, ... [snip!] ... want that? If that's what she wants, good for her. If not, that's her right as well, but she shouldn't have to settle."</blockquote>




Like I said, I'm not saying she can't want marriage or shouldn't want marriage, I just think it's shitty that women like you are giving her advice to give up on her relationship because he doesn't want it... I don't understand why women need to make it a big deal, making her think that he doesn't love her enough or isn't committed to her enough if he's not for marriage...