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Has money problems been the end of your relationship? Kristen Parris 2 kids; Virginia 1897 posts
status 20th Feb '13

The question says it all. Has money problems been the end of your relationship? If it was a big issue how did you handle it? I am completely at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore. He.just.does.not.get.it.

I'm not sure I can take much more of my SO's selfishness.... He gets everything while me and our son go without. AND he knows money is tight while I am finishing my degree...

lolajessup Due July 25 (girl); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44057 posts
20th Feb '13

No because I've always vowed not to fight over money. That's all I saw my parents do growing up and I never wanted to do that. Maybe you two can sit down and work out a budget and each get an allowance each payday? That helps us sometimes.

Kristen Parris 2 kids; Virginia 1897 posts
status 20th Feb '13
Quoting lolajessup:" No because I've always vowed not to fight over money. That's all I saw my parents do growing up and I ... [snip!] ... to do that. Maybe you two can sit down and work out a budget and each get an allowance each payday? That helps us sometimes."


Sad thing is that's all I saw my parents fight over until they got a divorce. How do you NOT fight over it when one of you is spending how ever much you want on whatever you want while the other is trying to save as much as they can to pick up the slack and make sure the bills get paid?!

Budgets don't work. He lies by omission... and I find out later when I look at the bank statement



user banned 17 kids; Boston, MA, United States 9473 posts
20th Feb '13

never.




but i imagine how money problems are communicated and handled between the two people would be a vary valid reason to end something.

Danielle: Jack&Basil'sMom 2 kids; Raleigh, North Carolina 14528 posts
20th Feb '13

No. There's nothing for us to fight over. I have his debit card and my debit card.



When he gets paid, I withdraw all his money and divide it up where it needs to go. Including our respective allowance

applelove 1 child; auburn, CA, United States 6529 posts
20th Feb '13

I did have a relationship that ended and money was the start of the fighting. Looking back we had other problems.



My relationship I am in now we made a rule that has helps us very well. We set a amount of money that if either of us wants to spend above that amount then we need to call the other and talk about the purchase.



That has helped us. Now sounds like your Husband is an ass who would not call you if he wanted to go over that amount so then it would just be pointless. So if he is willing to do that call and talk it out method, then I bet it would help you a good amount.

lolajessup Due July 25 (girl); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44057 posts
20th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kristen Parris:</b>" Sad thing is that's all I saw my parents fight over until they got a divorce. How do you NOT fight ... [snip!] ... bills get paid?! Budgets don't work. He lies by omission... and I find out later when I look at the bank statement "</blockquote>



Can u manage the bank acct? Make a budget up. Pay those out first. Then pay him out an allowance? I think you just need to stand up to him and put your foot down. My dad does this crap to my mom and she doesn't have a backbone to stand up I him. I hate seeing it.

lolajessup Due July 25 (girl); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44057 posts
20th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting applelove:</b>" I did have a relationship that ended and money was the start of the fighting. Looking back we had other ... [snip!] ... just be pointless. So if he is willing to do that call and talk it out method, then I bet it would help you a good amount."</blockquote>



That's what it comes down to is mutual respect. I respect that my SO is an adult and can make a rational decision as to whether or not we can afford something(sometimes he's not as understanding with me). But well call each other too and talk about it. Well remind each other how much $ we have and let the person wanting to buy it make the decision of whether or not it's worth it.

Mrs. Sherwood *16Weeks* Due January 15; Mesa, AZ, United States 3708 posts
status 21st Feb '13

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through that. I can imagine that would be very frustrating to constantly be worried about money because your SO is spending it without concern for your needs. :(
To answer your question - no, we've never fought over money. Even when we were first starting out, with a lot less money than we have now, we had a budget and we were always considerate of each others needs. Now, DH makes considerably more than he did before and it's all deposited into a joint checking account that we both have access to. We spend what we want and consult when we think it's necessary. It works for us. However, I can see how it would be a problem if your DH/SO was always spending money without regard for your wants/needs.
You need to have a serious conversation with him about his spending habits and creating a budget. It may not be a pleasant conversation, but if you put your foot down now, you will save yourself a lot of arguments later.

Lin Brown 2 kids; Tunnel Hill, Georgia 1797 posts
21st Feb '13

No because we have our rules, he brings in the money and I manage the finances. Bills and needs come first and if we have a little left over just to spend then we let each other know what we are getting and how much it'll be. When we were having financial problems my husband always told me not to worry about it because we will always make it through and be just fine. If we did fight constantly about it and he didn't change his ways, then I wouldn't be in the relationship just for the fact I avoid fighting like its the plague and I always swore to myself that I will never raise my kids around fighting or arguing no matter if I had to be a single mom in order to keep that promise

Betty Draper 1 child; Illinois 776 posts
21st Feb '13

Bd and me constantly fought over money or lack of.....but it wasnt the reason we split up. Fighting over $ is stressful and so is being broke all the time. Money and affection (not sex) are the 2 most common causes of divorce.

Kristen Parris 2 kids; Virginia 1897 posts
status 21st Feb '13

Thanks guys.... I hope we will be able to figure something out.. its ruining our relationship!!! We were use to 2 incomes... I haven't been working for over a year now but I graduate in May with my RN so hopefully I will get a job as soon as I can. It's not only lack of money, it's selfishness on his part.. which he STILL fails to see :( I highly doubt he will ever be able to see that he is in the wrong!