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mothers who suffered from PPD S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3820 posts
22nd Feb '13

** I posted in another forum but I got no response so I think I may have added it into the wrong forum. So here I go again and hopefully can get some feedback. **
Do you feel that the depression "tainted", for lack of a better word, your relationship in those beginning weeks/months with your LO?



I suffered from it as well, and in the beginning - I feel like it did. I loved him with everything in me, but I felt like I wasn't ready to be a mom and I felt distant from him, or that I don't love him as much as a "should." idk I was in a weird place.



Did anyone else have feelings like this? Did it surpass? Do you still feel like the depression put a strain on that mother/child bond? Do you still feel that way months/years after birth?



I'm writing my psychology paper on this topic and I'm just curious as to what other ladies that suffered from PPD felt.



** I'm not using any of this info for my paper, I'm just curious now after doing some research,**

What's wrong, flat face? TTC since Jul 2012; 1 child; 3 angel babies; Texas 13678 posts
22nd Feb '13

I do feel like the PPD ruined my bonding with LO. I mean hear we are 18 months better and just starting to bond like I feel we should. The fog from that depression is finally lifting and I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It definitely put a strain on our bond because that click that most women feel right from the time of birth I had to work on with LO. We did lots of skin to skin and lots of breastfeeding and playing and snuggling... Just anything I could think of to help our bond and it was frustrating most of the time but today I am proud to say I can look at my child and have that deep down feeling of unyeilding love for my LO.

Kelly +2 ERF/EH! 18 kids; Valdosta, Georgia 18072 posts
22nd Feb '13

I felt a lack of a bond with Addison at first, made me feel terrible. SO worked for his uncles glass company and would work out of town for anywhere from 2-8 weeks at a time. He left for 5 weeks when she was a month old. That was extremely hard. I thought about killing her and myself. The thoughts that went through my head terrified me but I never told a sould because I was worried she'd get taken from me. I never acted, but would just lay her in her crib when she'd cry uncontrollably and just walk away. I knew that was better than ending up on the news.
This time though, SO has been working a better job 10minutes away from home for about 2 years now and didn't get depression near as bad.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3820 posts
22nd Feb '13
Quoting Let the rain fall:" I do feel like the PPD ruined my bonding with LO. I mean hear we are 18 months better and just starting ... [snip!] ... of the time but today I am proud to say I can look at my child and have that deep down feeling of unyeilding love for my LO."


so awesome! that's how I feel. those first few months I went untreated because I didn't know I had it. looking back, I hate myself for not getting help son enough. I honestly do not remember most of those beginning weeks because of that fog the depression had over me.



Now, 9 months later. He is still the love of my life, but I love him a million times more because of what I went through in the beginning. I never want him to ever feel "unloved" or not wanted. And that's what I thought he was feeling as a newborn. Even though I did love him, and wanted him, I just felt like it wasn't enough and he could feel those emotions from me.



god damn PPD. worse thing I have ever encountered, worse than my previous drug addiction. IMO. it can ruin a relationship with your child, which is so precious.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3820 posts
22nd Feb '13
Quoting Kelly +2 ERF/EH!:" I felt a lack of a bond with Addison at first, made me feel terrible. SO worked for his uncles glass ... [snip!] ... though, SO has been working a better job 10minutes away from home for about 2 years now and didn't get depression near as bad."


I thought I was the only one! I never thought about killing him, but I did have some scary thought of hurting him, and killing/hurting myself. I would cry hours on hours on the floor in the middle of the night next to his crib.



Like you, I never wanted to speak to anyone about those thoughts. And this is the first time I am ever admitting that I thought about those things when he was an infant. I hate myself for it now, but I know it was't "me" thinking that. It was the depression taking over me.

Kelly +2 ERF/EH! 18 kids; Valdosta, Georgia 18072 posts
22nd Feb '13
Quoting ♥ logan's mommy:" I thought I was the only one! I never thought about killing him, but I did have some scary thought of ... [snip!] ... when he was an infant. I hate myself for it now, but I know it was't "me" thinking that. It was the depression taking over me. "

Yep. It was horrible. Same as you though, I wish I would have told SO sooner. That PPD is serious. My dad was telling me about some story he read where a mother killed her child recently and he was wondering how a mom could do that. I told him how bad I had it with Addison. She's 4 1/2 and that was the first time he'd heard me talk about it.

MamaDSx2&SDD Due July 8; 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Monroe, Michigan 10013 posts
22nd Feb '13

I had PPD with my second, and i do feel that way, just everything that lead up to his birth (ex cheating, 2 weeks of labor, unplanned c-section because of an idiot dr, failed breastfeeding, ect) and I was just kinda thrown into the "single" mommy state from the start pretty much, my ex was there but i was all alone and it got REALLY bad, and i'm still not as close to my second son almost 4 years later... We have had a lot go on the last 2 years, but i feel like we are getting to where we should be.. or will soon

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3820 posts
22nd Feb '13
Quoting BetterOffSingle!:" I had PPD with my second, and i do feel that way, just everything that lead up to his birth (ex cheating, ... [snip!] ... 4 years later... We have had a lot go on the last 2 years, but i feel like we are getting to where we should be.. or will soon"


and that's good! I feel like me and LO do have an good bond. He is in love with me and if he turns around and I am out of sight he will cry until he sees me again. It's the little things like that that have helped me reform that bond I didn't have in the beginning.

What's wrong, flat face? TTC since Jul 2012; 1 child; 3 angel babies; Texas 13678 posts
22nd Feb '13
Quoting ♥ logan's mommy:" so awesome! that's how I feel. those first few months I went untreated because I didn't know I had it. ... [snip!] ... encountered, worse than my previous drug addiction. IMO. it can ruin a relationship with your child, which is so precious. "

Mine too. That was worse than any of my mental illnesses. I knew I shouldn't have done the Csection just because I know that is what caused it but my doctor used scare tactics and I caved.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3820 posts
22nd Feb '13
Quoting Let the rain fall:" Mine too. That was worse than any of my mental illnesses. I knew I shouldn't have done the Csection just because I know that is what caused it but my doctor used scare tactics and I caved."


my "birth plan" didn't go at all how I wanted it either, and BF didn' work for LO either. So all of that, including past depression as a younger teen and a total change of lifestyle, just lead to the PPD.



I'm just always scared it will creep back up on me.