Please don't judge me I feel like crap lonely2day 35 kids; Australia 25 posts
23rd Feb '13

HI I am a mum of two (one with high functioning ASD) and another unexpected on the way. I have been with there dad for almost 10yrs now with a couple of majour hicups along the way witch I have forgiven but can never forget. we have been living seperately for a few years now since the last majour hic-up and we have taken things slow since and I watched him emotionaly/ mentaly grow and change for the better. but 18 weeks ago we where having such a great night out together, kids where with the grandparents and what do you know one thing led to another and I thought what the hell I wouldn't mind it since it had been over 2 yrs. But 6weeks later Im chucking my guts up one morning and I was thinking no I can't be I just have food piosoning I was on the pill and very strict about taking it as it helped with my moods and other stuff. so I went to the doc and he said yes your having another bub. I absolutly balled my eyes out (with our track record how could I bring another one into this we arnt ready yet if ever.... I'm not ready to raise three children by myself witch is what I thought it would come to even tho where doing well right then). I was looking at the future If we didn't work out I couldn't raise 3 on my own.
I spoke to him about my feelings about the baby not about us one night over a burbon (mine only had a small teaspoon to flavour it as I was still unsure what to do. I wanted his opinion). any way to put it short he said to me "If you get rid of this baby. It's over with us." so I felt I had no chioce risk loosing my kids dad who was a great dad but verbally abusive partner who I thought had changed. today he has put me in the stupid fat b***h who is and means nothing shoe box out the window on the side of the highway while we where driving home with the kids in the car, I can some times ignor it and not take it to heart but when he dose it infront of the kids thats it!!! It's not like we fight all the time we get along so well just when we argue we argue and he uses alot of foul langauge and i pull him up on it. so now I don't know where we stand and I don't know what to do. do I forgive yet again? or do i go thru hell with my kids where's daddy and all the rest as my child with ASD needs strict ruteens and if any thing is out it's so hard and now there are three. I feel so bad I didn't want the baby and I feel so trapped. I will still love it just as much.

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56009 posts
23rd Feb '13

I think that he is verbally abusive and manipulative and that, no matter what you decide about the baby, you should leave him

And don't let him guilt you or force you into keeping a child you really don't want. You'll resent both your husband and the child, and trust me, kids know

If you keep the baby, be prepared to be a single mom of three. It's hard but it's doable

Best of luck to you

Rob's Living Dead Girl Royersford, Pennsylvania 3347 posts
23rd Feb '13

I think you should end things with him, he sounds like someone who wouldn't necessarily help any relationship you try to build with him. He may be kind sometimes, but I think you should consider whether his seemingly quite ugly side is worth the good side he shows you. From my perspective, it doesn't seem like it. :(

As for your pregnancy, I wish you the best with whichever decision you make.

I hope everything turns out great for you, OP :)

mom2andrew&carter 18 kids; Leesburg, Florida 2159 posts
23rd Feb '13

you need to leave him for good. i know your thinking about your children but how do you think they feel when they hear their dad yelling at their mom like that. they are also gonna think its ok for a man to talk to a women like that.

KissMeFinnNelson<3 1 child; 2 angel babies; Glasgow, Scotland, UK, United Kingdom 5389 posts
23rd Feb '13

I would say do what is best for you and if that is having abortion/doing adoption and not keeping the baby then so be it. He seems very verbally and emotionally abusive and it clearly isn't a healthy relationship as it is, bringing another child into particularly when YOU don't want to and it is you who is going to be raising the child is not a wise choice. He is just using it to manipulate you more.

lonely2day 35 kids; Australia 25 posts
23rd Feb '13

thank you for helping me. I worry about my kids seeing him talk to me like that and I know they shouldn't have to.
It is to late to have an abortion and I could never bring myself to give my child to some one else when I can love it and care for it, but I do resent there dad for making me feel like I had no chioce but to have the baby.
I am going to take the big leap and end our relationship. it's going to be so hard as he is always around wanting to see the kids and he is so great with them. I wish i could go back and say no that night like I did for so long.
It's hard because I can see how hard he is trying when we first got to gether he was phisicaly, verbaly and emotionaly abusive, he was a bit of a drunk (we both where as we had both lost sisters/brothers recently) but the issuses became clear when i fell pregnant and quit drinking but he didn't. I didn't take the crap any more. it took him crashing his car to stop drinking and me sending him away in the back of a paddy wagon for him to realise that I wont put up with it, this was 5 yrs ago now since then he's come so far but I know it dosent make it right.

Abbie Myers 3 kids; Manchester, Tennessee 56 posts
26th Feb '13

as a singlle mommy of 3 i can tell you yes its hard but its soo worth it :) but you dont need to be with a man who is even a little bit abusive especially if he treats yoou like that infront of the children! that is a big no no and it is very damaging for the babies. my 15mo olds dad was like that and he tossed me across the house when i was pregnant so i put him out. he has never seen my son and hopefully never will and my boys are perfectly adjusted. My oldest even told my mom after it happened that he was bad cause ur not supposed to treat girls that way :) you have to do what is right for you and the kids and it doesnt sound like he is a very good presence to have in any of your lives

lonely2day 35 kids; Australia 25 posts
15th Mar '13


sorry bout not replying spent the last few weeks balling my eyes out and not ready to talk but im bouncing back.

we have arranged that he still see's the kids if he calls first and on the weekends. I could never seperate them because no mater how he treats me he's so great with the kids and they adore him. my dad took off to america when my parents split i know how hard it is for them. he has woken up and appologised and is being a gentalman but there is such a small chance of ever trying to make it work again. mbay many years from now when the kids have grown up and so has he who knows

moooonie Due November 2; California 1 posts
16th Mar '13
Quoting lonely2day:" HE IS GONE GONE GONE sorry bout not replying spent the last few weeks balling my eyes out and not ready ... [snip!] ... small chance of ever trying to make it work again. mbay many years from now when the kids have grown up and so has he who knows"

Keep on praying for your husband cause with God nothing is impossible..
Smash Fins ; 2 kids; Denver, Colorado 1290 posts
16th Mar '13
Quoting lonely2day:" HE IS GONE GONE GONE sorry bout not replying spent the last few weeks balling my eyes out and not ready ... [snip!] ... small chance of ever trying to make it work again. mbay many years from now when the kids have grown up and so has he who knows"

Honestly... I was in a mentally abusive relationship (which turned physically abusive later) and the best decision I ever made was to leave him.